In the Cold Cold Night
by edenfalls81
Summary: River and Mal spend the day together and tragedy finds them. The results will change everything for them both. MalRiver Updated and fixed the cut chapter!
1. Chapter 1

A/N- I wouldn't call this a song fic, but the title is courtesy of the White Stripes.

This is my first attempt at writing a Mal/River pairing, please be kind.

**Warning- This story does include rape, so if that bothers you I'd stop reading now.**

Chapter 1

"Gorram it River slow down!" Mal yelled when River kicked her horse into a gallop and sped away from him.

He could hear the small tinkling of her laughter floating back to him on the cold air as he nudged his horse to move faster. River turned back to look at him and laughed again.

"Hey darlin we ain't out here ta be playin around we're supposed ta be huntin remember?" Mal admonished but found that he couldn't keep the pleasure out of his voice.

It had been quite awhile since they'd been planet side for more than a few hours and while Mal loved the Black sometimes he craved open spaces and fresh air. Eurydice was a pretty moon and after finishing the drop that morning Mal had made the captainly decision to remain planet side for a few days. Once they'd decided to stay Mal had wanted to try his luck at hunting hoping that maybe he could bag a deer so they could stock the galley with fresh meat. Mal glanced around the landscape in appreciation; Eurydice was in the middle of its winter season and all around him the hillsides were blanketed in a thick carpet of snow.

The captain had been surprised when it was River who'd volunteered to go hunting with him. Mal had figured Jayne would be ecstatic with the prospect of getting to shoot something, but the merc had come down with a terrible cold the day before and the only thing he wanted was to stay in bed and whine. When Mal had asked the rest of the crew if anyone wanted to accompany him River had spoken up instantly. Simon had been less than thrilled with the prospect of River going out hunting and had objected loudly when she volunteered. River had calmly explained to Simon that because she was much more stable since Miranda and was also in charge of piloting their home now, she had the right to make her own decisions and if he didn't shut up she was going to knock him out and go anyway.

Mal hadn't been sure about bringing the young girl, but then it occurred to him that having a psychic who was dead on with a gun might not be such a bad thing while hunting. Plus as much as Mal hated to admit it he was immensely enjoying spending the day with the little reader. Ever since Miranda it had become possible to actually have a somewhat normal conversation with the girl and to Mal's surprise he was finding that he and River got along well. Mal even had to laugh a little as he watched River riding across the plain. Her horse was kicking up clouds of snow and River laughing with childlike glee.

"Come on slow poke! I thought you grew up on a ranch, can't you ride better than that?" River taunted as she looked back and gave him a wink.

Mal spurred his horse harder and they both rode flat out until they reached the beginning of the forest where they were intending to hunt. River reigned her horse in next to Mal's at the beginning of the tree line.

"So you gonna use those reader skills of yours and tell me where the deer are?" Mal asked as he tried to catch his breath.

"Can't read animals. At least I don't think I can, I've never really tried. I guess I can give it a shot." River said sounding intrigued.

They nudged their horses forward and moved at a slow pace through the trees. It became dark almost as soon as they entered the woods and when Mal glanced over his shoulder he realized that it was already getting on towards afternoon.

"Guess we better be hurrying this up, we musta rode almost ten miles from Serenity, don't wanna have ta ride back in the pitch dark." Mal commented in a low voice.

"Hopefully luck will be on our side." River replied.

The captain and the reader exchanged an amused glance and both broke up into laughter.

"Guess one thing we ain't known for on this crew is our over abundance of good luck." Mal snickered.

River began to laugh at his joke and then suddenly her face became pale and her amusement was replaced by a look of fear.

"Go!" She yelled as she kicked her horse and shot off through the trees.

Mal knew by now to trust River's word without hesitation; he kicked his horse as well and sped off behind her. Right about the time Mal was beginning to wonder if River had been wrong a bullet caught him in the shoulder and he was thrown from his horse. He hit the ground and felt the air burst from his lungs in one powerful whoosh. Mal looked up just in time to see River's horse take a bullet through the neck and slam to the ground. River flew through the air and Mal winced when he heard the loud smack of her head as she hit a tree.

Mal quickly pulled out his pistol while simultaneously putting a hand over the bleeding hole in his shoulder. He jumped to his feet and ran over to where River lay all the while scanning the trees for the source of the bullets. Just as he reached River he could make out the muffled sound of hoof beats on snow and knew that he was about to have company. Mal looked down at River's crumpled form and noticed a large pool of blood on the snow under her head.

The men who he'd heard coming arrived then, four of them all with pistols drawn and pointed at Mal.

"These woods is private property." The obvious leader of the group said to Mal gruffly.

"Ya know instead a shootin people ya could just post a sign." Mal quipped.

"Hey Larry this guy thinks he's a funny man or somethin." One of the men said to Larry the leader.

"Think ya might be right there Tom. Now what are we gonna do bout the fact that you seem ta be plannin on poachin on my land?" Larry asked looking pointedly at Mal.

"Didn't know it was yer land. Guy back in town said these woods were open fer huntin. But now that we do know how bout ya let me take my friend here and we'll get off yer land." Mal said hoping it would be as simple as that. The look on Larry's face let him know immediately it wouldn't be that simple.

"Tell ya what I'll be glad ta let ya leave, but that little lady is comin' home with me." Larry replied and leered at River.

"Don't think that's gonna happen for a number a reasons. One, she's hurt and needs a doctor, two ain't no way I'm leavin without her, three and most important trust me when this girl wakes up you don't wanna be kidnappin her. She'll kill ya fore ya can even think ta say please don't kill me." Mal said as he stepped in front of River's still form, blocking the men's view of her.

Larry looked at Mal with an expression that ranged somewhere between anger and confused amusement. Suddenly without warning the man to Mal's right swung his pistol around and slammed it into the back of Mal's head. He attempted to stay on his feet for about half a second but then blackness overcame him and he slumped to the ground.

It was dark when Mal woke up and he realized he'd been unconscious for over two hours at the very least. He sat up quickly then regretted the action when his head screamed in protest and his stomach lost its hold on the last thing he'd eaten. After he was finished being sick he looked around in hopes of seeing River, but wasn't surprised when he saw that she was gone, the only sign of her was the red puddle of blood now frozen on the snow.

Mal stood slowly and was relieved to see that his horse was still standing close by. He mounted up and reached into the pocket of his coat looking for the comm. unit he'd brought, but his heart sank when he realized the men had robbed him of everything including the comm. unit and his guns. Shaking with cold Mal spurred his horse forward and began to follow the hoof prints of the kidnappers deeper into the woods.

It began to snow soon after Mal began looking for River. It was a heavy wet snow that managed to soak him through even with the trees for cover. Before long Mal felt nearly frozen solid and was reminded of days during the war when he'd been stuck freezing in a trench. He knew that he had to hurry if he was going to continue following the trail of footprints before the falling snow covered them over.

Mal was surprised when he found himself praying again. He prayed that she hadn't died from the head wound, he prayed that she wasn't outside in this cold, and most of all he prayed that she'd had woken up and defended herself before any of the hun-dans who had her were able to hurt her. He knew exactly what those men wanted River for and the thought of the small girl being used like that filled him with a stabbing dread.

Just when he was beginning to give up the hope of finding her on his own Mal spotted the flickering light of a fire reflecting on the snow in front of him. He looked up suddenly and felt like his heart stopped beating at what he saw. Fifteen feet in front of him was a small hunting cabin the light pouring from the windows was what he had seen on the snow. The four horses of the men who had taken River were tied up in front of the cabin and there to his right was River. She was pressed up against a tree, her hands tied above her head with a leather cord, and she was completely naked. She was unconscious and hanging limply, Mal winced when he saw the blood running down her arms from her raw wrists. He dismounted and walked over to her holding his breath the whole way. He was convinced that she was dead, but found that her pulse was steady. He had seen worse beatings in his life, but the fact that she was naked and left out in the cold made it seem horrific in a way he couldn't even fathom. There didn't seem to be an inch of her that wasn't bloodied or bruised.

Moving as quietly as possible Mal cut the leather tie around her wrists and caught her before she could fall to the ground. He was shocked by how cold her skin felt against him, even through his coat and he didn't understand how she could possibly still be alive. He tapped River's face lightly to try and get her to wake up, but she showed no signs of coming to any time soon. Her face was marred by blood and bruises and her lips were blue with cold, Mal shuddered when he saw tears frozen on her cheeks and eyelashes. He struggled for a minute to remove his coat while holding River in his arms, but he was finally able to wrap her slight form tightly in his coat.

After making sure that River was completely wrapped in his duster Mal crouched down and crept to the window of the small cabin. He became nervous when he could only spot two of the four men inside, one was lying on a small cot near the fireplace and the other was on the floor curled in a ball, both seemed to be fast asleep. Mal swore under his breath and began to look around outside for the remaining two men. He noticed what appeared to be drag marks leading around the corner, following them he came upon the other two men on the opposite side of the cabin. Both men were dead; one's neck was obviously broken, the other Mal couldn't tell how he'd died exactly but he was covered in blood. He knew that River had killed the two men and he was immensely proud of his Little Albatross at that moment. Even with a head injury and being tied up she'd managed to kill two of the monsters who had hurt her so badly.

Mal crept back around to the front of the cabin, silently pulled the door open, and stepped inside. Neither man so much as twitched as Mal walked to the small table where he spied his pistols lying. Larry the leader of the group was sleeping on the cot and had obviously taken a beating from River. He smirked at the bruises and blood covering the man's face and then turned away from Larry, Mal was saving him for last. The other man had obviously been beaten as badly as Larry had been. Mal put the gun to the back of the unconscious man's head and pulled the trigger, regretting that the hun-dan had to die so easily. Larry jolted awake at the sound of the gunfire and looked around in alarm. His eyes grew wide with fright when he found himself staring into the barrel of Mal's gun.

"Please don't." He whimpered pathetically.

"You think sayin please is gonna keep me from killin you? After what you did to that little girl out there? You're just lucky I don't got the time to do to ya what ya really deserve. If that were the case me and you'd be here for days and you'd spend em all screamin." Mal said coldly as he stood over the cowering man.

Mal slammed the butt of his pistol across Larry's face and felt a small piece of satisfaction when he heard the crack of Larry's jaw breaking. Mal had never thought of himself as a man who enjoyed another person's pain, but when he thought about the battered condition of his crew member all he wanted to do was put this man in considerable agony. More than anything Mal desperately wanted to make this miserable piece of go-se feel every bit of pain he had inflicted on River, but he knew that he had to hurry and get River inside quickly. He put the pistol to Larry's forehead and watched the man's eyes fill with tears, but felt no regret when he pulled the trigger. Working as quickly as possible Mal pulled both of the bodies outside and around the back to join the two River had taken care of. Then as gently as possible Mal picked up River and carried her into the house.

He laid her on the bed and turned to the meager fire trying to build it up bigger knowing that he needed to warm River up as quickly as possible. From behind him Mal heard River give a sudden gentle sigh and he thought perhaps she was waking up. After a few seconds passed it occurred to him that he hadn't heard her breath in again. Feeling panic rising in his chest Mal turned to River hoping desperately to see her chest rise and fall, but she was completely still. Mal rushed to her and felt for a pulse this time he wasn't able to find one.

"River girl you don't go given up on me gorram it." He said as he began to perform CPR on her. He continued to push on her chest and breathe for her for over a minute with no results. Mal's heart was racing in panic and he could feel tears building behind his eyes.

"Damn it River you fought a whole room a Reavers and lived. I know you're stronger than this!" He screamed and slammed his hand down on the center of her chest. River suddenly let out a long cough and then sucked in a huge breath. She didn't regain consciousness but her heart was beating and she was breathing again. Mal fell over her still form and concentrated on breathing himself, trying desperately to calm the pounding of his heart.

He gave himself a minute to regain control and then forced himself up. He quickly added more wood to the fire and then turned to the bed. River was still breathing steadily but she didn't look like she'd warmed up much at all, her face was still white and her lips were still an alarming shade of blue. The small cot that she was lying on didn't have any blankets on it and the only thing Mal had to cover her with was his duster, but since it had been snowing the coat was soaking wet and wasn't doing much good.

Mal berated himself internally because he hadn't thought to strip Larry and the other fella before he'd dumped them outside; by now their clothes would be as wet and useless as his own. He only had to stop and debate for a second before he began to strip off his own clothes. As uncomfortable as he felt being undressed with River, he knew that body heat was one of the best ways to warm someone quickly. Once he had stripped down to his underwear he lay down on the cramped cot and pulled River to his chest. She was still so cold that Mal actually shivered once she was pressed against him, but to his relief she seemed to be warming up quickly against him. As he lay with her Mal tried not to think about how soft her skin felt, or how perfectly she fit against him, or the fact that her naked breasts were pressed up against his chest.

He lay for a few more minutes trying to absorb everything that had happened in the last few hours and trying to ignore the beautiful naked woman pressed tightly too him. Soon the stress mixed with the cold and blood loss from the bullet wound sent him into a dead sleep.

He jolted awake only an hour later fearful that River had stopped breathing again while he was out. He let out a shaky sigh of relief when he felt her breath against his chest. She was also much warmer than when he had fallen asleep. Mal sat up slowly and winced when the wound in his shoulder was pulled. He turned River onto her back and began to examine her various injuries trying to determine just how badly she was hurt.

The wound on the back of her head was not as bad as Mal feared it would be. She had a large bump and a cut, but Mal didn't think it was life threatening. Her face was black and blue with bruises, her bottom lip was split, and there was dried blood underneath her nose. The rest of her body had been similarly beaten and there were dark bruises around her neck where someone had tried to strangle her. Mal's anger rose to new heights when he noticed how few defensive wounds she had. Mal knew that the two men she had killed had died quickly without much fighting. This meant that most of her beating had taken place while she was still unconscious.

Mal found himself praying again as he examined the lower half of her body. He prayed that they hadn't been able to rape her before she'd fought back but the blood stains and bruises on her inner thighs confirmed his worst fear for her.

He thought back to his first experience; it had happened in a barn when he was sixteen. It had been fast and awkward but it had also been sweet and special because it was so new. River would never have that he realized. She wouldn't get to look back someday and remember her first time with fondness; it would always be something terrible that was done to her.

After he had determined that she didn't seem to be in any immediate danger Mal stood up stiffly from the cot and began searching for the comm. unit. The cabin was only one small room and it didn't take him long to find it on the floor near the table.

_Tzao-gao!_ He thought when he discovered that the comm. unit had been crushed somehow and was useless. Mal hoped that Jayne's tracking skills would be good enough to find them, but this hope was dashed when he saw just how much it had snowed during the time he'd been asleep. There was at least two inches of fresh snow on the ground, it would be impossible to find their trail now. Mal knew that their only option was going to be riding back to Serenity, but he couldn't risk moving River while she was still unconscious.

Not knowing what else to do Mal returned to the cot and sat down. He had thought about putting his clothes back on, but they were still wet and while the cabin had warmed up some it wasn't warm enough to wear damp clothes in. His t-shirt had mostly dried and this he carefully put on River not wanting her to wake up naked after what had happened. He felt River shivering as he lowered himself down gently next to her and once again pulled her close to try and keep her as warm as possible.

She woke up a few hours later. Mal had expected her to wake up confused and frightened and although he hated to admit it even to himself, he had been afraid that she may kill him before she realized who it was. To Mal's surprise she woke up calmly and simply lay staring at him.

"Hey Little Albatross. I seen how ya took care a them two hun-dans outside, good job." He whispered wishing he knew something else to say, some magical thing that would make everything better.

"The others?" She asked in a hoarse voice.

"I shot em. Not that ya left me much to take out, both of em were bout half dead when I got here."

"He- they- they hurt me. Woke up and he was in me." River whispered like she was trying to make it real for herself.

Mal again wished to God he had the words to make this better, to say anything that could possibly take away the pain in her voice.

"I'm sorry I didn't get here faster, maybe if I had they wouldn't a had time to… Did any of the others get their chance or was it just Larry?" Mal asked uncomfortably.

"Larry was the only one. I woke up while he was doing it, they had me tied up, but I got him off. The others tried but I wouldn't let them. After I killed the second one Larry took me outside and tied me to the tree." She explained and Mal heard a slight quaver in her voice.

She had a look of pain on her face for a second and then just as quickly as it arrived it was gone and her face became a blank mask of indifference.

"Its gonna be alright Little Albatross." Mal said and kissed her on the forehead.

River gave him a slow sad smile and a single tear slipped down her cheek. "You really believe that Captain." She asked. Her voice seemed to waver between hope and doubt.

"You're one a the strongest people I ever met. Think a how much you been through and come out on top. If you could survive that you'll get through this I'm sure of it." Mal tried to assure her.

River didn't respond but she did grab onto him tighter and buried her face in his chest, he could feel her body shaking with silent sobs. He simply held her and hoped that it was giving her some sort of comfort.

After holding her until she fell asleep again Mal climbed from the cot and put on his now dry clothes. Mal glanced around trying to find where the men had put River's clothing, but didn't see them anywhere. He figured before she did anything else she would want to get clean so Mal set about filling the only pot in the room with snow and melting it until he had an entire pot full of warm water. Working carefully while she slept Mal cleaned the wound on her head and washed the blood from her hair.

Once her hair was clean he threw the bloody water out onto the snow and melted another pot of snow and began to clean her face, arms, and legs. Soon every part of her he felt comfortable touching was clean and he still wasn't sure what to do with himself. He knew they needed to get back to Serenity, but with the shock her body had gone through the night before Mal wanted to allow River to sleep more before forcing her onto a horse.

Mal stood up and began to pace the small cabin back and forth, as he paced he thought about what had happened the night before and felt his anger building once again. Every time he looked at River all he could think about were those men's filthy hands defiling and hurting her. He wished for what felt like the thousandth time that he had had more time with them, time to make them feel the pain that they had inflicted on River. A bullet to the brain was far too merciful a death for the likes of them, they had deserved pain and humiliation.

River suddenly moaned in her sleep and began to thrash around on the cot. Mal hurried to her and gently placed a hand on her shoulder.

"River bao-bei. It's ok I'm right here with ya. Just a bad dream, come on open up yer eyes." Mal soothed and gently shook her to wake her up.

This time she woke up the way Mal had expected. Her eyes opened wide and she flew from the bed and into the corner in one fluid motion. She stood with her back to the wall breathing heavily in a fighting stance. Mal knew enough to not come near her; she could easily kill him before he could even have a chance to defend himself.

"Hey River girl it's me. It's Mal. You were dreamin, that's it. Ain't no one here to hurt ya." Mal said soothingly.

River's eyes continued to scan the room quickly for a second and then her gazed locked on Mal's.

"Did I hurt you?" She asked in a scared whisper.

"Nah I'm fine darling don't be worryin bout me none. You ok?" He asked as he moved over and picked her up off the floor.

Holding her tightly in his arms brought back memories of the night before to Mal. He hated himself for thinking of how beautiful River was while she was going through something so horrible.

Without warning she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. The kiss was fast and hard their teeth clicking together as she pushed herself closer to him. Mal was lost in the sensation for a moment before he realized exactly who it was that he was kissing.

Mal pulled himself away from River and gently set her on the bed he then walked to the window and stared out at the snow.

"We can't be doin this. It ain't right. Specially with what just happened to ya." Mal told her all the while looking into the woods.

"I'm sorry." River muttered.

"Ain't nothin for ya to be sorry about. I shouldn't a been thinkin bout ya like that, probably put all kinds a confusing notions in yer head. Its my fault so don't ya be thinkin' you did anything wrong." Mal assured her, but still refused to look in her direction.

"You get some sleep I'm gonna go out and make sure them horses are fed." He said stiffly and walked out the door.

River cringed away from the emotions pouring off of Mal as he left the cabin. He was ashamed and angry at himself and pity and regret at what had happened to her. Suddenly behind all of the negative emotions he was feeling River could feel waves of desire coming from Mal. This was the feeling she clung to and wrapped around herself as she fell back to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Mal stayed outside as long as he possibly could. He unsaddled each of the horses and then set about trying to find something for them to eat. Luckily he was able to locate a bale of hay at the side of the house. As he watched the horses eat it occurred to him that neither he nor River had eaten in over twenty-four hours and with the blood they had both lost they were going to need some sort of nutrients before they could ride back to Serenity.

Finally a bit of good luck seemed to find Mal. Almost as soon as he thought of their lack of food he spied a rabbit in the bushes ten feet in front of him. He pulled out his pistol, took aim, and was able to bring the rabbit down on the first shot. When the gun went off Mal heard River whimper inside of the cabin and he realized how much a sudden gunshot must have frightened her. Forgetting that he was trying to avoid her Mal hurried into the cabin to find River sitting up on the bed; pale and shaking. Without even considering his guilt or unease from their kiss Mal pulled her into his arms and rocked her back and forth.

"It was just me River. I didn't mean ta scare ya. I was just gettin us some dinner." Mal explained and ran a hand through her hair to comfort her.

She held tightly to him for a few seconds her nails digging into his back as she clung to him and quivered.

"Sorry I don't know why I got so scared." River said and pulled away from him looking embarrassed.

"River ya just been through somethin terrible; if ya wasn't havin a hard time a things I'd be even more worried." Mal said gently. "You gonna be ok if I go out and get that rabbit, so's we can have somethin' ta eat?"

River nodded and wiped the tears from her eyes wincing when she touched the bruises on her cheeks. She gave him a shaky smile and lay back down on the cot. Mal's heart seemed to twist inside his chest when he saw that smile; the fact that she had gone through so much and was still trying to be brave was almost too much for him to bear.

He gave her a small smile and wink in return before walking back outside.

Mal took it as a good sign that while he was outside River had gotten up and used the clean water he'd heated to finish cleaning herself up. She was sitting on the cot with her knees pulled up to her chest when he walked back into the cabin. His breath caught a little in his throat at how beautiful she looked curled up in his t-shirt with her long hair framing her face.

"You feelin any better?" He asked.

River gave him another one of her wide eyed stares and shrugged her head.

"Don't know. It's very strange. I'm always feeling things, more than I want to feel, all the time. But now I just can't feel anything. Shouldn't I be sad or angry or… something. All I feel is cold and empty." She replied sounding more lost than Mal had ever heard her, even when she'd been at her worst before Miranda.

"I remember feelin' like that after Serenity Valley. Once we was picked up and taken outta that place. I kept thinkin I should be upset, but I just felt numb all over." Mal sympathized.

"Did it ever go away? The numbness?" River asked.

"Not all at once and it weren't easy once all them feelins started comin up but I promise it did get easier with time." He said trying to reassure her.

"But the valley is still with you. You dream about it, think about it, live it everyday. I hear it inside you all the time." River said sounding very afraid.

"Somethin' terrible happens to ya and it don't ever go away. You gotta know that better than most by now, but ya learn to live with it and after awhile it don't eat at ya so much." He told her honestly.

"Post traumatic stress. That's what Simon will call it. Wish he didn't have to know." River said quietly.

"It ain't gonna be easy, but we gotta tell him. Ya need ta see a doctor and he's the only one we got." Mal reminded her.

"I know he has to be told, it will hurt him so much. He'll blame himself." River said and then lay down on the bed with her back to Mal. It didn't take long before she had fallen back to sleep.

Mal began to cook the rabbit over the fire place trying to be quiet so that she could sleep and heal as much as possible. It was already beginning to get dark by the time the food was finished and Mal decided that they would spend one more night in the small cabin before heading back to Serenity.

River stirred and turned over when she smelled the cooking meat.

"You hungry Little Albatross?" He asked as he pulled the meat out of the fire.

"I suppose I should eat something, you want to leave in the morning right?" River asked as she sat up on the edge of the bed.

"Ya know sometimes its kinda off puttin how ya always know what I'm gonna do fore I tell ya." Mal commented with a smile and handed her a plate of food.

She gave him a small sad smile in return and took the food, but looked like she wasn't at all hungry. "Sorry I can't help it you know." She said defensively.

"I know ya can't help what ya hear in that head o' yers. Sides sometimes it's nice not havin ta explain everything." Mal replied and took a seat beside her on the bed.

River reached out and touched his hand gently; Mal quickly forced himself to ignore the spark of desire he felt from that one simple gesture. Just like she'd done the time before she leaned forward suddenly and kissed him. This time the kiss was gentler and slower and stole Mal's breath away. He found himself responding and returning the kiss before he even realized he was doing it. After a minute or so Mal came to his senses and pushed River away like he had the first time.

"River girl it's like I said before we can't be doin this. It ain't right. You're too young and ya just been through something terrible and its got ya confused." Mal admonished gently.

"But you want to. I can feel it." River said in confusion.

"Don't matter none what I want to do. I ain't gonna take advantage of ya and if I let this go any further that's what I'd be doin." Mal said sternly.

River didn't respond she continued to stare at him for a moment and then turned her back to him and began to eat. They fell asleep soon after; both of them lying on the small cot but not nearly as close as they had been the previous night.

By the time they were ready to leave the next morning River still hadn't spoken to him. She dressed mechanically in the clothes that Mal had taken from the smallest of the dead men. He knew that it was probably uncomfortable for her to be wearing the clothes of the man who hurt her so badly, but her clothes had been cut off of her and were useless.

After making sure that River was dressed warmly for the trip back Mal saddled two of the horses and then boosted River up into the saddle of one. As soon as they began to move River cried out in pain and doubled over. Mal felt stupid for not realizing that River would be too sore to ride on her own all the way back to Serenity. Without a word he moved over to her horse and pulled her off and into his lap. River gave him a questioning look and Mal shrugged.

"I'm thinkin it's gonna be more comfortable for you to ride with me." He said simply.

River nodded but again didn't respond. Mal wasn't sure if she was angry with him or simply hurting because of what had happened to her, but he wished she would talk to him again. They rode in silence for nearly an hour; River sat curled up in his lap and stared out into the trees. Mal tried not to shift uncomfortably with her on his lap, but having her so close was making him miserably hot. He could feel sweat dripping down his neck and running down his back. Once he thought about it he realized he wasn't just feeling hot he was feeling sick. His head was throbbing painfully and his throat felt dry and scratchy.

"You're sick." River said suddenly sounding concerned. It was the first thing she'd said to him since the night before and Mal felt slightly better to know she was talking to him again.

"Nah I'm just a little run down. Been a long couple of days ya know?"

River looked at him intently and put a hand to his forehead. "You have a fever."

"Mayhaps that's so. Guess the sooner we get back to the ship the better for us both huh?" Mal asked and then broke up into a coughing fit that made his head pound even worse.

After another hour passed Mal was beginning to think that something was seriously wrong with him. He didn't get sick very often and when he did it was never severe. This time was the worst he had felt since Serenity Valley and that had been caused by an infected knife wound.

_Oh go-se!_ Mal thought when he remembered the bullet he'd taken in the shoulder two days before. He gingerly touched his shoulder through his coat and winced at the burning pain that spread out through his entire arm. He had been so concerned about River that he hadn't even bothered to clean or dress the wound.

"It's septic. The infection is in the blood, we need to hurry." River told him.

Mal opened his mouth to agree with her but suddenly found his body shaking uncontrollably. He fell off the horse and was only vaguely aware of how hard he landed as his body continued to seize and jerk in the snow. He noticed River slide off the horse and then felt her pick up his hand and hold it tightly.

"Get- get b-back to S-S-Serenity." He ordered.

"Not leaving you." She said firmly.

Mal drew in a deep breath and collapsed into the snow when the seizure suddenly ended. He tried to sit up but he felt like all the energy had been sucked from his body and he collapsed back to the ground.

"Please ya gotta get yerself back to the ship." Mal muttered and then his body stiffened as another fever seizure wracked his body.

Mal began to see dark spots in front of his eyes and his head felt light and fuzzy. He could still feel River holding his hand and knew that she was talking to him, but he couldn't seem to focus on what she was saying. The last thing he thought before the darkness took him was that if he didn't wake up again he was going to regret not getting the chance to kiss her one last time.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Simon paced in the infirmary restlessly. He hated feeling so helpless when his sister was missing. She and the Captain had been gone for almost two full days now without any sign of what had happened to them. He ran to the cargo bay hopefully when he heard the ramp being lowered. Disappointment hit him hard when he saw the mule park in the bay with only Zoe inside.

"You didn't find them?" Simon asked and then felt amazingly stupid for asking. Obviously if Zoe had found them they would be with her.

"No didn't even see a sign of em. Hope Jayne'll have better luck." Zoe replied.

Simon looked out the open door and scanned the country side for what felt like the millionth time. He prayed that he would see his sister on the horizon riding towards him but the only things he saw were snow covered hills and the forest in the distance.

Jayne returned an hour later. He had taken a horse out to scan the fields and woods in the direction that they had seen the pair go off in. Simon hurried to him quickly just like he had with Zoe, a hopeful look plastered on his face and then disappearing a second later.

"Did you see any sign of them?" Simon asked.

"Not sure. I found some blood under a tree, mostly covered in snow. Could be it was from one a them or maybe it was just an animal. Ain't no way to tell fer sure and I looked all over the area and didn't see nothin." Jayne muttered.

"Jesus where the hell could they be?" Simon asked to no one in particular. He stood looking outside once again in a daze. His focus was brought back to the present by Jayne's wracking coughs.

"We should get you to the infirmary and give you something for that. It's really not good for you to be outside in the cold air with a chest cold." Simon said to Jayne.

Jayne grunted and followed him to the infirmary without complaint. Simon set about giving Jayne a dose of antibiotics and a cough suppressant, happy to have something to take his mind off the nagging worry that wouldn't leave him alone. Once he had given Jayne the medicine, Simon went up to the bridge and sat in River's usual seat. He kept his eyes focused on the window praying again that he would see River in the distance.

Kaylee found Simon asleep in the engine room sitting in River's chair. His head was bent over the console at what had to be a painful angle. Kaylee noticed stubble on his chin and wrinkles in his clothes, it was so rare to see Simon looking unkempt and she knew that his worry over River was taking its toll on him. Kaylee gently ran her arms up Simon's back and to his neck where she began to massage the knotted muscles there. Simon woke up at the touch and gave her a grateful smile as she continued to work the stress out of his body.

"They'll be ok ya know? Mal and River are two a the strongest people I've ever known. Whatever's keepin em from getting' back I'm sure they'll both be fine." Kaylee said with her usual supply of unending optimism.

Simon grabbed Kaylee's hands from off his neck and pulled them around so that he could kiss the palm of each one.

"Thanks Kaylee for saying that. It's just so cold outside. I can't help but think about all the awful things that could have happened to them. It's starting to get dark; this will be the third night they've been missing. If they're outside in this cold I really don't know if they can survive three nights." Simon said as he pulled her arms tighter around him and rested his head against her chest.

They stayed like that for awhile; both of them scanning the darkening landscape outside for any sign of their missing loved ones. Simon began to doze off again more comfortable now that he had Kaylee to rest on. Suddenly Kaylee jumped forward and startled Simon.

"Simon is that someone comin?" She asked and pointed off into the distance.

Simon squinted his eyes and looked in the direction Kaylee was pointing. It was hard to tell in the fading light but after a second Simon could make out a dark shape that appeared to be a horse; Simon couldn't tell if anyone was on it or not. He jumped to his feet and looked at Kaylee for a second before they both turned and ran to the cargo bay.

"What's wrong?" Zoe asked when she saw the two run past her.

"We can see something outside, it might be them." Simon replied quickly as he opened the cargo bay doors.

Cold air and snow blasted into the ship when he opened the doors, but Simon didn't even notice the cold as he ran outside. The figure was closer when Simon ran out and he could definitely make out the shape of a person on horseback, but still couldn't tell if it was River or Mal. He ran towards the horse as fast as he could in the deep snow and then stopped short at the sight that awaited him.

River was on the horse hunched forward so that all he could make out was the long tangle of her hair around her face. Behind her on the back of the horse lay Mal sprawled, obviously unconscious. The horse stopped a few feet from the ship and River looked up when it did. Simon drew in a breath to see the condition his sister was in. Both of her eyes were swollen and black, her lip was split and bloody, and he even in the dim light Simon could make out dark purple bruises wrapping around her throat.

"Mal needs help." She whispered hoarsely and then fell forward and slid off the horse as she lost consciousness.

"Zoe, Jayne come help me now!" Simon shouted over his shoulder as he hurried to pick River up off the snow.

Zoe ran up next to Simon and he could hear her draw in a sharp breath of shock as well when she took in the condition of the two. Moving quickly she pulled Mal off the back of the horse and with Jayne's help picked up the unconscious captain and carried him towards the infirmary, Simon hurried after them with River in his arms.

Once they were both laid out on the exam tables Simon began to assess them both trying to determine who was in need of his care first. As much as Simon wanted to help his sister it was obvious that Mal was in bad shape and needed help immediately.

Mal's face was bright red and despite having been out in the cold, sweat was pouring off of him. Simon quickly started and iv to re-hydrated him and then swore under his breath when he took Mal's temperature.

"How bad is it?" Zoe asked.

"He's got an infection of some kind. He has a fever of one-hundred and four degrees, if it gets any higher it could cause brain damage or kill him. We have to get him cooled off quickly. Go outside and get a bunch of snow, we need to make some cold packs to put around him." Simon instructed without ever taking his eyes off his patient.

As Zoe and Jayne left the room to get the snow Simon took Mal's shirt off to apply the heart monitor to him. As soon as the shirt was off Simon could see the source of the infection; a bullet hole in Mal's right shoulder. The wound itself wasn't severe, but it was flaming red, swollen, and there was a large red streak heading from the wound towards Mal's heart. Simon quickly gave Mal a shot full of strong antibiotic and then removed the bullet and cleaned out the wound before dressing it.

Zoe and Jayne hurried in with four buckets full of snow.

"Jayne pick up Mal and hold him for a minute." Simon instructed.

Once Mal was off the exam table Simon laid the snow in an even layer across the table and then covered it with a sheet.

"Ok lay him back down." After Mal was lying on the snow Simon covered him with another sheet and then put the rest of the snow on top of him.

"There isn't anything more I can do for him until the fever goes down some. We'll just have to wait and hope the antibiotics help his body fight off the infection." Simon informed Zoe and then turned to help his sister.

Zoe and Jayne discreetly left the room to give River as much privacy as they could when Simon began to undress her.

"Wuh de mah!" Simon swore loudly when he saw the extent of the injuries his sister had. She was covered in bruises from head to toe, her back was badly scratched up, she had what appeared to be hand prints bruised around her neck, and he could clearly make out the impression of fingers prints bruised into her thighs. Simon's heart felt like it sank into his stomach when it dawned on him what those bruises probably meant. Hadn't River been through enough without having something like this done to her? Simon allowed himself a few seconds to curse the unfairness of the Verse and then he stood up straight and forced himself to enter doctor mode. He knew he couldn't think of River as his baby sister right then if he was going to help her properly he had to think of her as a patient. This was the thought he kept in mind as he set about cleaning up what had been done to her.

Simon walked into the galley an hour later to find the rest of the crew anxiously waiting for them.

"How are they?" Kaylee asked, her eyes were red rimmed and it was obvious she'd been crying.

"Mal's been shot, it wasn't life threatening, just through the shoulder. But it's badly infected and the infection is in his blood. I put him on some really powerful antibiotics and cleaned out the wound. If the infection clears up he'll be fine, but it's too soon to know if that will happen or not." Simon explained.

"What about River?" Jayne asked with uncharacteristic tenderness.

"Its… well it's bad. None of her injuries are life threatening, she'll recover physically at least." Simon trailed off not sure if he should tell the crew what had happened to her. It then occurred to him that they would find out eventually, it was a small ship and secrets were never kept for very long.

"She was beaten badly, she's got some broken ribs and a few cuts that needed stitches and she was raped." Simon finished.

The word raped seemed to hang in the air as everyone processed what had happened to the young girl. Kaylee was the first to react, she put her head down on the table and began to cry loudly. Jayne stood up abruptly making his chair crash to the floor. He swore loudly and punched the wall making a loud metallic clang echo through the room. Inara muttered under her breath something that sounded like a prayer. Zoe didn't seem to react at all, but there was a look on her face that Simon thought seemed more dangerous than any he'd ever seen.

"She gonna be ok?" Kaylee asked through her tears.

"I don't know. Whoever did this to her they were unbelievably brutal. Something like this would be hard for anyone to recover from and with her mental state not being completely stable… well I just don't know." Simon said bitterly.

Suddenly from the infirmary came a high pitched insistent beeping noise. Simon turned and ran room with the rest of the crew directly behind him.

When Simon entered the room he found Mal on the table shaking violently, his heart monitor racing at a furious and uneven rhythm. Simon quickly injected Mal with an anti-seizure medicine and breathed a sigh of relief when his body relaxed and the heart monitor began to slow down. Once the seizure was over Mal began to shiver from the effects of the fever and the snow that was rapidly melting around his sweltering body.

Zoe was standing anxiously behind Simon. "Doc? What's goin' on?" She asked.

"He's having seizures. It's to be expected with a fever this high, but I had hoped they would be easing off by now. His fever hasn't gone down at all, even with the antibiotics and the snow." Simon replied sounding extremely worried.

"Isn't there anything you can do?" She asked.

"Nothing more than I'm already doing. We just have to hope that his body will start fighting the infection." Simon said distractedly.

He turned around and saw Zoe looking at River's sleeping form with a haunted look on her face.

"He's strong Zoe, before this he was in great health. I think he'll pull though this." Simon said kindly trying to reassure her.

Zoe blinked and gave him a startled look like she had just realized he was there.

"Thanks Simon I know you're doing everything you can." Zoe replied and then hurried out of the room.

Simon remained in the infirmary that night sleeping in short shifts and then waking to check on both his patients. He woke up startled at one point because of Mal yelling. He was thrashing on the exam table and muttering. Simon figured he was having fever induced hallucinations.

"River please no. Zoe… I'm sorry Zoe." He mumbled.

"Mal its Simon can you open your eyes?" Simon whispered as he leaned over Mal.

Mal opened his eyes slowly and looked around in confusion. His eyes were glazed over an unfocused because of the fever, but after a second he focused on Simon.

"Doc?" He asked in a harsh whisper.

"Its alright you're on Serenity"

"River?" Mal asked and frantically began to look around the room.

"She's alright, she's right over there." Simon assured him.

"How'd you find us?"

"We didn't. River brought you back to the ship. You were on the back of her horse." Simon explained.

Mal's eyes widened a little, but then his eyes rolled up into his head and his back arched off the table as another seizure hit him.

"Shit!" Simon cursed and gave him another injection of the anti-seizure medicine.

Mal relaxed after a few seconds but didn't regain consciousness again.

Simon turned to check on River and started a bit when he saw that she was awake and staring over at him and Mal.

"Mei-mei, you're awake. How are you?" He asked and hurried over to her side.

"How is he?" She asked.

"Holding on. He was awake a second ago, that's a good sign." Simon assured her.

Simon picked up River's hand and noticed that she stiffened a little at his touch, but then she squeezed his hand in return almost painfully hard. Tears filled her eyes and she drew in a sharp intake of breath.

"It's going to be ok River. I know this has to be so hard for you, but we're all here for you." Simon comforted.

River stared at him for almost a full minute before suddenly sitting up and wrapping her arms around him. He returned her hug carefully not wanting to hurt her broken ribs. She buried her face in his chest and began to cry, silent sobs that wracked her entire body. After fifteen minutes or so she began to breathe more evenly and finally let go of Simon. His shirt had a large damp mark on the front from her tears and she smiled up at him sheepishly.

"Mei-mei do you want to talk about it?" He asked.

River shook her head and lay back down on the bed.

"Not with you Simon. I'm sorry, but I can't tell you about that." She whispered.

"Its alright mei-mei, I won't force you to. But if you change your mind I'm here for you."

River nodded and her eyes began to droop closed.

"Get some sleep. We'll all be here when you wake up." Simon assured her as she began to doze off.

River opened her eyes sometime later in the night and glanced around the darkened infirmary. Simon was sitting in a chair slumped over the counter fast asleep, Mal was muttering and moving fitfully in his sleep. River stood up from the bed and leaned over Mal. His head was jerking back and forth and she could see his eyes moving frantically behind his eyelids.

"Shh… it's ok Mal. We're safe now. You have to get better alright? You have to come back to me, I need you." She whispered finally telling him the things she'd been wanting to say for so long.

"I love you Malcolm Reynolds." She whispered into his ear and then kissed him gently once before returning to her own bed.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Simon sat up wearily early the next morning and winced at the pain in his neck from sleeping in a chair all night. He stood quickly and moved over to River and Mal and found them both asleep. Simon took Mal's temperature and was relived to find that it was almost a degree cooler than it had been the previous night. It was still high enough to be dangerous but Simon knew that it was a good sign that the fever had lowered some.

"How is he?" Zoe asked as she walked into the room.

"His fever is a little lower than it was. That's a good sign hopefully the antibiotics will keep working and bring it down the rest of the way." Simon replied.

"You look like yer bout dead yourself Doc. Why don't you go get some sleep in an actual bed and I'll stay with them." Zoe offered.

"Are you sure? River could be agitated when she wakes up."

"I think we'll be fine, if I need to I can always come and get you." Zoe assured him and pushed Simon towards the hallway.

"Thanks Zoe. Come get me if you need anything." He instructed as he walked towards his bunk.

Once Simon was gone Zoe turned and looked at Mal. She brushed a stray piece of hair off of his face and was a little shocked to feel how hot his skin still was. Zoe pulled the chair that Simon had been sleeping in over between the two beds and sat down so that she could keep an eye on Mal and River at the same time.

River stirred and woke up a few minutes later. She looked around in a panic for a moment as if she didn't realize where she was. When her eyes fell on Zoe she relaxed instantly and gave the older woman a small smile.

"Hey how ya doin?" Zoe whispered.

"I don't know. Simon and Mal asked me the same thing. I don't know what to tell them." River replied.

"I'm sorry for what happened. If you need to talk to someone I'm here. I- well I know what you're going through and I know it's not really something you can explain to someone who hasn't been there." Zoe said uncomfortably.

"You mean you were…" River asked not sure how to ask the question.

"Raped? Yes in a POW camp after Serenity Valley. It was one of the Alliance guards. Mal was in the next cell over. He saw the whole thing but couldn't do anything to stop it. I think that was almost worse for him than it was for me." Zoe explained.

River picked up the memory from Zoe's head unintentionally and grimaced when she saw the way Mal had fought at the bars separating him from Zoe, screaming the whole time trying to make the guard angry enough to leave Zoe alone and come after him. River felt herself crying while she absorbed the memory and was surprised to see that Zoe had tears in her eyes as well.

"He loves you very much." River commented.

"We've been through a lot together. He's my family."

"Does it ever stop hurting?" River asked suddenly. "Do you ever feel clean again? I feel like I'll never get away from him, like he'll always be in my head, contaminating me."

"It will get easier. Someday you'll feel like yourself again, it just takes time." Zoe encouraged gently.

She moved over to River's bed and stroked her head comfortingly. River had never seen Zoe be so gentle or affectionate to anyone besides Wash and she hadn't seen her show emotion like this since his death.

"Thank you for telling me about what happened to you. It makes it a little easier knowing someone else knows what it's like."

Zoe gave her a sad smile and continued to stroke her head. "I'm here anytime you want to talk about it. I didn't talk about it at all after it happened and I think it made it worse. You can't hold something like that inside or it will eat you up."

River pulled in a shaky breath and looked over to Mal's sleeping form.

"He's better today, his mind isn't so confused." River said.

"Simon said his fevers down some." Zoe confirmed.

"He keeps dreaming about you… and me. Thinks he should have protected both of us from what happened. He always wants to take the blame, even for things he can't control." River said sadly.

"Yes. He's been a leader for so long, he thinks he always has to carry everyone's burdens as his own." Zoe agreed.

Zoe watched the way River looked over at Mal. She had a look of concern and something else in her face that Zoe couldn't quite define. It was a look that showed so much feeling it almost took Zoe's breath away, a look that somehow reminded her of Wash.

"You have feelings for him don't you River?" Zoe asked.

River blinked and swallowed thickly while quickly pulling her eyes away from the Captain.

"I- I- well of course I care for him, he's the Captain and he's done so much for me. He's a very good man." River stuttered.

"It's alright River, I won't tell anyone. I know that look you just had on your face. I used to see it on Wash's face every time we went out on a job. You can't look at someone with that much caring and concern if you're not in love with them. I've thought for awhile now maybe you were feeling something for him."

"I love him. I don't know how it happened, but I do." River admitted sounding confused.

"Ain't nothing to be ashamed of. Like you said he's a very good man and there ain't a lot of men here on this boat for you to feel that way about. Do you think he feels the same way about you?"

"I can't say Zoe. I know how he feels but that's because I can read him, I can't reveal the things in someone's mind it would be wrong."

"Guess you're probably right about that. But I'll tell ya something that man has had more than his fair share of grief and heartache. If he does have feelings for you it may be that's a good thing. If you could find some happiness together, you both deserve that chance."

"Thank you Zoe. It means a lot to me that you think maybe I would be good for him. I know he values your opinion more than anyone else's in the Verse." River replied.

"River what happened to the man who did this to you?" Zoe asked abruptly changing the subject.

"Dead. There were four of them. Only one raped me, the others tried but I killed two of them. After I killed them the others tied me to a tree outside in the cold, naked." River shuddered involuntarily at the memory. Her eyes held a glazed far off look as she remembered being left in the snow.

Zoe had to swallow thickly past a lump in her throat. She could all too well imagine the pain and fear River must have felt being left to die in the frigid night especially after being hurt and violated so viciously.

"Mal came and killed the other two while I was unconscious. He brought me inside their cabin and took care of me. He held me, made me warm. He was so gentle…" River trailed off lost in the memory of waking up in Mal's arms and knowing she was safe.

Zoe smiled at the girl and in a very uncharacteristic display of affection leaned down and kissed River on the forehead.

"River take it from me. If you care about Mal, tell him. Don't wait. I would give anything in the world to have more time with Wash. If you love him, let him know, don't waste the time you have together." She whispered.

Zoe continued to stare down intently at River for another moment and then straightened up and wiped the tears from her face.

"Get some sleep now, it'll do you good." Zoe instructed firmly and returned to her chair.

"I'll watch over him for both of us."

Zoe had just started to doze off a few hours later when River sat up screaming. Zoe figured the girl was having a nightmare but River jumped from the bed and over to Mal's side.

"He can't breath! Get Simon!" River screamed to Zoe. Before she had even finished the sentence the monitors connected to Mal began beeping loudly and Zoe noticed that Mal's lips were turning blue.

Zoe ran from the infirmary and towards Simon's room. She met him in the hallway as he hurried to the infirmary drawn by the sounds of the monitors.

Simon pulled River away from Mal's bed quickly and began to work. He pulled out an oxygen mask attached to a bag and fit it over Mal's mouth and nose.

"Zoe I need you to come squeeze this bag every five seconds, he's not getting enough air on his own." Simon instructed as he plunged a syringe full of something into Mal's neck.

"What's going on Doc?" Zoe asked as she squeezed the bag that was breathing for Mal.

"I'm not sure yet, let me work." Simon told her shortly, completely focused on helping his patient.

Simon put his stethoscope to Mal's chest for a minute and Zoe's heart sank as she watched Simon's face pale.

"Fuck!" He shouted and threw the stethoscope across the room. Zoe knew it had to be bad for Simon to be using such language and throwing things.

"What is it?" She asked urgently.

"He has fluid in his lungs; pneumonia from the infection. The antibiotics aren't working as well as they should. I think the combination of the infection coupled with being out in the cold has put too much of a strain on his immune system." Simon explained.

He pulled Zoe away from the oxygen bag and to her horror shoved a tube down Mal's throat and started him on a ventilator to breath for him.

"Isn't there anything you can do?" Zoe asked.

"He needs stronger antibiotics, ones that I don't have on board. We need to get closer to the Core if we're going to find them. We could probably get them on Persephone. How fast could we get there?"

"If we go to full burn we could make it in three days, give or take a few hours. Lucky we just fueled up." Zoe answered.

"Get us to full burn now then. I'm not sure if he can make it three days, but I'll do everything I can to keep him stable for as long as possible." Simon replied.

Without another word Zoe ran from the room to wake up Kaylee so she could prepare the engines for lift off and going to full burn immediately. Simon was slightly surprised when he felt Serenity take off only five minutes later. After giving Mal another large dose of antibiotics and a medication that would hopefully help rid the fluid from his lungs Simon turned to check on River. She was sitting up with her knees drawn to her chest and rocking back and forth.

"Mei-mei?" Simon asked with concern. River didn't answer him or respond in anyway; she simply continued to stare into space and rock.

"River? River come one look at me, focus on me. RIVER!" Simon finally shouted into her face causing River to blink and look at him.

"Please help him Simon. He can't die. I can't make it through this without him. Please Simon." River pleaded desperately.

Simon was slightly taken back by the depth of feeling in River's words. He knew that she and the Captain had become close in the last few months, but he had no idea he was that important to her.

"I'm doing everything I can mei-mei. I promise." Simon assured her.

"I love him Simon. I'm in love with him and I can't lose him; not now." River revealed.

Simon felt like he was frozen in place as he tried to absorb what his sister had just told him. He couldn't seem to wrap his head around what she had told him. How could she be in love? And with the Captain? He was far too old for her. His mind came up with a thousand arguments against this development, but when he saw the look on his sister's face he couldn't voice a one of them. He had never seen her look so sure of anything in her life. She looked terrified and in pain, but she also looked more at peace than he had seen her since before the Academy.

"You love him? Really love him?" Simon asked finally finding his voice.

"Yes I have for quite awhile I just didn't know what I was feeling. But out in the woods when I woke up in his arms I knew. I've never felt this way before, I can't lose it before I even have it. Please make him better." She whimpered.

"I will mei-mei, I will." He promised hoping that it wasn't a promise that was going to be broken.

"You aren't angry? I thought you would object when I told you." She said and smiled through her tears.

"I can't say I'm completely comfortable with it. But you seem very sure about your feelings. I know sometimes I have trouble realizing that you're an adult now, but one thing I would never do is deny you love if you've found it. Does he feel the same about you?"

"It's too soon to say anything. His feelings are very confused, even more than yours were before you and Kaylee got together."

"I'm happy you've found someone to love River. I promise you I'll do everything I possibly can to pull him through this." Simon assured his sister.

"Thank you Simon, for everything." River said and pulled her brother in for a hug.

Simon kissed the top of his sister's head and hugged her in return. He still couldn't believe that his little sister was in love, yet somehow the idea of it made him strangely happy.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Kaylee sat in the infirmary taking her turn at keeping watch over her two hurt friends. Her eyes filled with tears as she watched River moan and thrash in her sleep, obviously having a nightmare.

"Hey River it's ok. Wake up yer just havin a bad dream." Kaylee said softly as she shook River gently to wake her.

River's eyes popped open and her body stiffened as she tried to determine reality from memories and nightmares.

"Kaylee?" She whispered sounding confused.

"Hey it's alright yer safe now." Kaylee comforted and watched as River visibly relaxed.

"How's the Captain?" River asked.

Kaylee hesitated not sure how to tell River what had happened while she'd been asleep. River's eyes widened suddenly and Kaylee realized River had already read the news from her thoughts.

"He ain't doin so good River. His fever went up while you were out and he had another seizure, a real bad one. Simon thinks he's in a coma cause of it." Kaylee explained and tried to keep from crying.

River looked over at Mal and winced. He was still on the ventilator and his face was pale as death. She tried to read his thoughts but couldn't sense anything from him.

"Kaylee could I have a few minutes alone with him? I don't know if he can hear me or not, but there are some things I need to tell him and if he doesn't… well I just want to make sure I get the chance to say them." River asked quietly.

"Sure. The comm. is right next to you if you need Simon." Kaylee said and walked from the room making sure to close the door behind her.

River slid off of her bed and walked stiffly over to Mal's still form. She winced at the pain in her broken ribs as she climbed up on the table and lay down beside him. She lay in silence for a few minutes gathering her thoughts.

"I have so much I want to tell you and no idea where to start. I've never tried to tell a man how I felt about him before. Thank you for everything you did for me out in those woods. I'm sorry I didn't see it coming sooner, maybe if I had things would have turned out differently. You have to get better for me ok? I don't want to lose you; no I mean I can't lose you because I love you. I know you feel the same way about me, even if you won't admit it yet. I saw it in your thoughts the night you saved me. You think it's wrong, but it isn't I promise. I should have told you a long time ago how I felt. When I was tied to that tree I was so cold and everything hurt so badly but I wasn't afraid because I knew you would come for me. I didn't have to read you, I just knew you would save me and you did. I owe you so much and I need the chance to repay you. You have to hold on until we get that medicine for you. Please hold on for me, even if you never let yourself love me back I still need you in my life. If you leave now I don't know what I'll do." River lay her head down on Mal's chest then and sobbed, unable to continue speaking. She cried for everything she'd lost out in those woods and everything she'd found there as well, but may never have.

Inara stood outside the door to the infirmary and took a deep breath trying to calm down the barrage of worry and guilt she was feeling. Inara and the Captain had been dancing around each other for a long time, but now that he was seriously ill she regretted keeping him at arm's length for so long. She wanted desperately for him to wake up so that she could tell him how much she cared for him and how much she really did want to be with him. Taking one final cleansing breath Inara cracked open the door to the infirmary quietly; not wanting to wake River if she was asleep.

The sight she found inside froze her in her tracks. River lay curled up beside Mal with one arm draped across his chest. She was gazing up into his face and didn't see Inara peering in through the doorway. It surprised Inara that River hadn't reacted to her presence; sneaking up on the girl was close to impossible, but apparently Inara had managed to do just that. River was talking to Mal and was completely absorbed in what she was saying. Inara began to back from the room, but when she heard what it was River was saying she stopped and began to ease drop.

Inara listened in shock as River poured out her heart to the unconscious Captain. She loved Mal? When had this happened? Inara was an expert in reading people's emotions, yet she'd sensed nothing from the girl that would indicate those sorts of feelings. Inara's eyes widened a little when River implied that Mal was in love with River as well. Inara couldn't believe that; River had to be mistaken about his feelings. After all she was just a girl Mal would never allow himself to have feelings for her. Inara tried hard to assure herself of this fact, but a nagging voice at the back of her mind kept pointing out that River was a reader and was almost always correct about a person's true feelings. She also had to admit that River wasn't so much a young girl anymore, but a young woman and a beautiful one at that.

River fell over Mal a second later and began to cry. Inara backed slowly from the room, closing the door silently as she went. She stood in a daze outside the room trying to process what she had overheard. Turning she walked numbly to her shuttle and locked the door behind her. She sank down onto her bed and stared at the ground still unable to believe what she'd heard River say.

After a few minutes Inara decided that River must just be confused. She'd gone through a major trauma and Mal had been the one to rescue her from it, of course that was going to bring up all kinds of emotions. It was only natural for the young girl to develop a crush on the man she considered to be her savior. Just because she said that Mal loved her didn't mean it was true, perhaps it was just wishful thinking on her part. Inara felt much better once she'd come to this conclusion. It was the only thing that made sense, Mal was hers wasn't he? Inara was confident in the fact that Mal wanted her; not River. The companion knew she would simply have to have a talk with the younger girl and explain this to her. It would probably hurt her feelings but in the end it would be the best thing for her to realize that she was confusing gratitude with love and that Mal wasn't going to reciprocate her feelings.

Feeling better about things Inara left her shuttle and returned to the infirmary to visit Mal and River. When she walked into the room River was lying back in her own bed facing away from Mal and sleeping. It was enough to make Inara think maybe she'd imagined the whole scene from before. She sat with Mal for over an hour hoping the entire time that he would stir or give some sign of consciousness, but he never did.

The three day trip to Persephone felt like one of the longest trips the crew had ever made. Simon wore himself to the point of exhaustion keeping watch over Mal. Each day he worried that Mal would slip away, every time Simon checked him his vitals were weaker than the time before. But Mal's resilience and tenacity seemed to be unending. He was still holding on and fighting for life when Serenity landed on Persephone.

In an uncharacteristic piece of good luck Simon was able to locate the drugs Mal needed quickly and for less money than he'd thought it would take. They refueled and were in the Black again after only two hours planet side.

As soon as Simon returned to the ship he hooked up the antibiotics to Mal's iv and then left River to watch over the captain while he went to the galley where the rest of the crew was waiting.

"I've started him on the antibiotics. Now we just have to wait and hope for the best." Simon informed the anxious looking group.

"How long's it gonna take?" Jayne asked.

"These are the strongest antibiotics in the Verse. If they work we should see results in just a few hours. He won't recover immediately but the fever should go down soon and hopefully he'll pull out of the coma by morning."

It seemed to Simon that the whole room let out a collective sigh of relief. He hated to dampen their good spirits, but knew that he had to inform them of the entire situation.

"I have to tell you all something that you need to prepare yourselves for. If Mal does pull through this there's a chance that he could have brain damage of some sort. I won't know what kind or how sever until he wakes up, but with the fever being so high for so long and the seizures that he had, well the chances are likely that his brain was affected in some way." Simon told them sadly.

The air of relief that had been in the room only seconds before seemed to leave as quickly as it had come. Every person had a look of shocked sadness on their face and Simon thought that it was moments like these that made being a doctor so damn hard sometimes.

They all spent the night keeping vigil outside the infirmary. River slept in the other bed, even though Simon had allowed her to return to her room the day before. The entire crew had noticed River's devotion to the Captain since they'd returned to Serenity, but no one suspected her feelings for him. Like Inara they simply thought she had grown attached to the man who had saved her from something terrible.

When morning came everyone was still near the infirmary. Inara, Kaylee, and Zoe had all fallen asleep on the couch outside the door, Jayne had fallen asleep on the floor near their feet, and Simon had again slept in his chair. Simon woke after only a few short hours; being a doctor had taught him to function on ridiculously small amounts of sleep. As soon as he woke up he could tell from the sounds of the monitors that there had been a change for the better in Mal's condition.

Simon began to examine Mal and sighed with relief to find that his fever had broken during the night and was almost back down to normal. His lung function had also vastly improved and when he removed the ventilator a moment later Mal continued to breath regularly on his own. It was while Simon was listening to Mal's heart with his stethoscope that Mal began to stir and after a moment opened his eyes.

"Hey Mal can you hear me?" Simon asked.

Mal blinked and looked around in confusion. He swallowed a few times and cleared his throat which Simon knew was probably raw from the tube that had been down it. He opened his mouth to speak and ended up coughing instead.

"Take it slow. Try and whisper when you talk to ease the strain on your throat." Simon instructed.

"Where am I?" Mal whispered hoarsely.

"You're in the infirmary on Serenity." Simon explained sounding concerned.

"What's Serenity?" Mal asked and continued to look around in confusion.

"It's your ship. You don't remember?" Simon asked.

"No."

Simon pulled out a small flashlight and shined it in Mal's eyes. "Can you tell me who I am? Or who you are?" He asked.

Mal grew silent and began to glance frantically around the room with a shocked look of panic on his face..

"No I- I don't remember. I can't remember anything." He whispered.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Simon was shocked and had to take a second to process the Captain's words before replying.

"Alright that's fine. You've been very sick and your memory might just take a bit to catch up with everything that's happened." Simon told him trying to keep Mal calm.

Mal nodded his head and took a deep breath, but continued to glance frantically around the room.

"Mal is lost." Simon heard River whisper.

Simon turned and saw that River was lying on her side facing Mal. Her eyes were impossibly large and unblinking as she gazed at the man she loved with a frightened expression.

"It's ok River. I'm going to take care of him. I need you to do me a favor. Go wake up the crew and take them up to the galley and explain what's going on. Keep them upstairs until I'm done running some tests on Mal, I'll be up after that. He's going to be confused enough without everyone in here talking at him." Simon whispered to River, hoping that Mal couldn't overhear him.

River continued to stare at Mal as if she hadn't heard a word Simon had said. Simon gently grabbed her shoulder and shook her a little.

"Mei-mei, can you do that for me?" Simon asked.

River shook her head and seemed to snap back to the present moment.

"I can do that Simon." She whispered and left the room.

Simon turned to Mal and gave him a smile that was supposed to be reassuring, but came out as more of a worried grimace.

"Is there anything at all that you can remember? Even if it's vague or fuzzy?" Simon asked.

Mal furrowed his brow and gazed up at the ceiling. He let out a frustrated sigh over a minute later and shook his head.

"It's all a blank. I'm sorry but I can't remember anything at all. Nothing since before I woke up a few minutes ago." Mal said sounding scared and discouraged.

"That's alright. We'll get this figured out. You're name's Malcolm Reynolds, we're on you're ship Serenity. I'm your doctor Simon Tam." Simon explained feeling unbelievably strange introducing himself to a man he'd known for nearly three years.

"I want to run some tests on you; take a scan of your brain and then do some basic neurological tests to find out the extent of the amnesia you're having." Simon explained as he set up the scanner.

An hour later Simon walked out of the infirmary to find Zoe anxiously waiting on the couch.

"River said Mal can't remember anything is that true?" She asked.

"Let's go up to the galley so I can explain this to everyone at once. Mal's asleep I gave him a smoother, so he won't be awake for an hour at least."

Everyone jumped to their feet anxiously when the two walked through the door.

"How's the Cap'n?" Kaylee asked.

"He's stable. The antibiotics are working. The fever is almost completely gone and his lungs are much clearer than they were before. I think he'll make a full recovery from the infection and the pneumonia." Simon explained.

"How come he can't remember nothin?" Jayne interrupted.

"Remember I said there could be brain damage? The seizures caused swelling in the area of his brain that controls memory. It's called retrograde amnesia."

"What exactly is that in non-doctor speak?" Zoe asked.

"Basically it means that the swelling is interfering with his ability to recall personal memories from his past. You see memories are stored in different parts of the brain depending on what kind they are. Learned skills are stored in one area and personal long term memories are stored in another. Mal's brain isn't able to access the area of his brain that retains personal memories."

"I don't get it." Jayne grunted.

"I guess the best way I can describe it is like this; Mal will remember how to do things, but won't be able to recall how he learned them. He'll remember how to fly Serenity, but he won't be able to tell us how he learned to pilot or where he bought Serenity." Simon explained hoping he was making sense.

"So he can't remember any of us?" Kaylee asked.

"No. Right now he can't even remember himself, everything from before he slipped into the coma is a blank to him."

"Is he gonna get better?" She continued sounding on the verge of tears.

"I can't really say for certain, but I think his memory will return, eventually. If he continues to recover physically then the swelling in his brain should go down and his memory will start functioning again. It can however take a significant amount of time; the brain is very resilient at healing but also very slow." Simon warned.

"So what do we do now Doc?" Zoe asked.

"I think the best thing we can do is let him take it really slow. He's still very weak from the illness and obviously he's going to be very confused. I'd say we just try to reintroduce him to us and his home slowly so we don't overwhelm him and then we try to treat him as normally as possible. The more he gets back to his normal life the faster his brain will begin to associate his new memories with the old ones."

Once Simon was finished explaining things he yawned loudly and stretched causing his back to crack loudly enough for everyone in the room to hear.

"Simon ya need ta get some sleep. You been in that infirmary for almost six days straight." Kaylee admonished gently.

"I think you're probably right about that, feel like I'm gonna drop. Someone should sit with Mal so he won't be alone when he wakes up. I was thinking maybe…" Simon began but was cut off by his sister.

"Zoe you should sit with Mal. You know him the best. It will be a comfort to have you there, even if he can't remember." River said quietly staring down at the floor the whole time.

"That's probably a good idea. Zoe maybe you can sit with him and explain some things. Don't overwhelm him, but do try and give him an understanding of who he is and who we are." Simon instructed.

Zoe nodded her head and left to the infirmary without saying a word. The rest of the crew broke up soon after that, each of them moving to their own parts of the ship.

Mal woke up an hour later to find a beautiful tall woman sitting at his side.

"Um hi." He said.

"Hi Sir. I'm Zoe." She returned simply.

"Sir? That seems kinda formal. Do we know each other?" Mal asked.

"You could say that. We've been best friends for twelve years, since we served in the army together."

"I was in the army?" Mal asked.

Zoe sighed and realized this was going to be more difficult than she'd expected. She sat back in her chair and began to tell Mal about his past, unsure of just how much she should reveal all at once.

The next week passed without incident while Mal remained in the infirmary to recover. Eventually he met the entire crew, each of them taking their turns at telling him who they were and who they saw him as.

Jayne and Zoe had managed to line up a small job that gave them enough coin to stock supplies and fuel Serenity. Once that was done they headed into the Black without a destination or plan in mind.

At the end of the week Simon decided that Mal was well enough to return to his bunk. After giving him a tour of the ship Zoe led Mal to his room, but realized suddenly that Mal's bunk was locked and he was the only one who knew, or had known, the code to get in.

"Stay here a minute, I have an idea." Zoe told Mal after she explained the problem.

Zoe found River sitting quietly in the bridge staring out at the stars.

"River I'm hoping you can help us. Have you by any chance ever read Mal's security password to his bunk?" Zoe asked hopefully.

"32-46-98." River told her without turning around.

"Well that was easy. Do you know everyone's security codes?" Zoe asked uncomfortably.

"Yes, didn't try to find them out, but everyone always recites them when they use them. Couldn't help but overhear. Please don't tell the others, it would make them uncomfortable." River requested.

"Don't worry you're secret is safe with me. I know it can't be helped." Zoe turned to leave the room then stopped and turned back to the reader.

"How are you doing River? Everyone's been so concerned with Mal, but I just want you to know we haven't forgotten about what you went through as well." Zoe assured her.

River nodded her head, but still didn't turn around to face Zoe.

"Well like I said before if you need to talk, I'm here." Zoe reminded as she left.

"How'd ya get the combo? I thought I was the only one who knew it?" Mal asked as Zoe popped open his hatch.

"Simon told you about out little River's talents didn't he?" Zoe asked.

"Said she's a reader. You mean ta tell me she got the combo ta my room outta my head?" Mal asked his face a mixture of awe and uncertainty.

"Yes, she asked that we don't tell anyone she knows the lock codes. Said she couldn't help hearing them from our heads and she wouldn't want to make anyone upset."

"Guess I can do that. I feel sorry for the poor girl, gotta be hard bein like she is." Mal said thoughtfully and glanced towards the bridge.

"So do I." Zoe agreed as she climbed down the ladder to Mal's bunk thinking about everything that River had gone through recently.

"Well this is it. I think I'll leave you alone so you can look around." Zoe added and began to climb the ladder again.

"Thanks for everything Zoe I know this is probably makin things hard on everyone, I don't mean ta be a burden or nothin'."

"We're family on this ship, when family needs helping it's never a burden." Zoe told him sincerely and disappeared from the hatch.

Mal spent the next few hours digging through everything in his bunk searching for clues as to the man he used to be. He didn't find much. He had expected letters from home or pictures, but all he found was a box filled with metals of valor from the war. Zoe had told him that they'd served together, but he hadn't known he'd been a war hero. Other than the metals the only personal item he found was a picture of the entire crew; this one included a young blond man in a loud Hawaiian shirt who had his arm around Zoe and an older black man with silver hair. He wondered who the two men were; no one had mentioned any other crew members.

After a few more restless hours Mal left his bunk and began to walk the halls of Serenity. The doctor had told him to get a lot of rest, but his mind was racing with so many unanswered questions he knew resting was going to be impossible. After walking through the cargo bay and galley Mal found himself up on the bridge. He was momentarily stunned by the beauty of the sky outside the window. He supposed he'd seen this view many times before, but he was seeing it now as if for the first time he couldn't imagine anything more beautiful.

"You've always loved this view." River said suddenly from the pilot's chair.

Mal had been so caught up in the stars that he hadn't noticed her sitting in the room and he jumped about three feet in the air when she spoke.

"Darlin you scared the hell outta me!" He exclaimed.

"Sorry." River muttered quietly.

"Mind if I sit down?" He asked and then sat in the opposite chair without waiting for an answer.

River continued to stare out at the stars and didn't reply or turn to look at him.

"Maybe I'm gettin this wrong, but since I'm a little lost right now I figure I better just ask. You don't like me much do ya?" Mal asked abruptly.

River turned suddenly and looked right at him.

"Why would you assume I don't like you?" River asked and Mal noticed a slight tremble in her voice.

"Don't know really, just seems like everyone else is around all the time, tryin to make sure I know em, but I've barely even spoken to you. I figured it was cause maybe you and me didn't like each other before or somethin." Mal explained.

"It's not that I dislike you. Before the coma you and I had become very good friends. It's just difficult being around you right now." River whispered still refusing to look at him.

"Why's that?" He asked.

"You're mind is so open and so closed at the same time right now. I can't stop from reading you right and it is very chaotic in you mind."

"Sorry don't mean to be hurtin ya none." Mal apologized.

"It's nothing that can be helped. Please don't worry about it." River assured him kindly.

"May I ask you something else?" Mal asked, sounding uncomfortable.

"Of course."

"Well I just been noticin you seem to have taken quite a beating recently. And with me bein shot I was just wonderin if we were together when we got hurt. No one's really told me what happened. Zoe just said I got shot while I was huntin. But something about the way she said it made me think it weren't that simple."

River didn't respond for over a minute, simply sat and stared at the stars. When she finally spoke Mal noticed that she was no longer gazing at the stars, she was just staring blankly at nothing, a lost haunted look in her eyes.

"I was there. We were in the woods hunting and a group of men attacked us. You took a bullet to the shoulder, my horse was hit and I went down. I hit my head on a tree and blacked out."

"Those men beat on ya?"

"Yes they knocked you out and took me to their hunting cabin while I was still out. I woke up and..." River stopped talking and Mal could see tears running down her face. She didn't have to continue, he knew all too well what had happened to her.

"You found me a few hours later. Killed two of the men and took care of me. I'm sorry this happened to you because of me." River added.

Mal stood up from his seat and knelt down in front of River. He reached up with one hand and turned her head so that she was forced to look at him.

"I don't remember what happened out there in them woods but one thing I'm damn sure of is that none of it was yer fault." Mal told her sternly.

She stared into his eyes for a long time as if she were searching for something in those blue depths. Mal returned her stare and felt like his heart had stopped beating for a moment. He couldn't remember anything about his life before, but something about this girl was calling to him in a way that he couldn't grasp. It was like he knew her even though he could remember nothing about her. He brushed a tear off of her chin and then rubbed his thumb over her bottom lip, suddenly wanting nothing more than to kiss her.

River cupped his face in her hand and smiled sadly, but sweetly at him. Without letting himself think on it any further Mal leaned forward suddenly and brought his lips to hers. The kiss was more intense than he had expected, it stole the breath from him and made his heart race. River seemed to feel the same as a small moan escaped her lips. They were both lost in the sensation for a few minutes until both pulled away at the same time and gasped for breath.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that." River said suddenly and then jumped up and ran from the room.

"Hey River wait." Mall called and chased after her. She was unbelievably quick, but Mal was finally able to catch up with her in the galley.

"What's wrong? I feel like maybe I just did something really bad, but I have no idea why. Think you could shed some light on the situation for me?" Mal asked hating how helpless and lost he felt.

"I shouldn't have kissed you, it isn't fair." River said.

"Ya know if I'm remembering correctly I kissed you. And what's wrong with it? Simon told me I ain't involved with anyone on the ship. You got a man I didn't know about? That Jayne fella?"

River burst out laughing when he said this.

"No trust me Jayne and I are not nor have we ever been involved. I just don't want to take advantage of you when you can't remember anything."

"Trust me I didn't feel taken advantage of." Mal said lightly trying to make her laugh again.

"Maybe not now, but once your memory returns you might."

"If my memory returns. And why would I feel taken advantage of?"

"The day after you rescued me, we were in the cabin and I kissed you. You told me it wasn't right and that we couldn't do it again. So if I kiss you now, it would be going against your wishes and that would be taking advantage." River explained.

"Maybe I was right. I'm way to old ta be doin anything with ya. I know I don't remember ya right now, but I can tell what an amazing woman you are, ya probably deserve better than me." Mal replied sadly.

River once again burst out laughing.

"Somethin' funny bout that?" Mal asked.

"Even with no memory you make the same arguments as you did before. Why can't I convince you that I'm a woman capable of making my own choices? If I want to be with you and you want to be with me, why should anything else matter?" River asked.

"Did I? Want to be with you, before I mean?" Mal asked.

"Yes, you wouldn't admit it. Too caught up trying to do the right thing, but it is very difficult to hide something like that from a reader. I'm sorry I don't mean to pry feelings from your head, but sometimes they are too loud to ignore." River told him.

"Ya know I can't remember anything, but something inside of me is screaming to kiss you again. Maybe I should stop being the idiot I was before and just do something about it." Mal whispered.

River gave him a wide smile as Mal pulled her to him and kissed her again. It was every bit as wonderful as their kiss on the bridge and Mal briefly had to wonder how he could have kissed her before and then turned her away. He must have been crazy before losing his memory to deny himself something as amazing.

"I feel like kissing you might help me remember." Mal whispered as he leaned in to kiss her neck.

"Kissing you helps me forget." She whispered.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Mal and River were lost in each other for a long time, oblivious to the fact that they were in the galley where anyone could walk by and see them. When River's hands moved to unbuckle Mal's pants he groaned and pulled himself away from her.

"What's wrong?" River asked panting a little when she spoke.

"I just can't do this. It ain't right." Mal explained with a pained sigh.

"I thought we had already dealt with this?"

"It ain't that, but I just don't think we should be startin somethin while my head's all messed up. Whatever this is between us, feels like something special and I don't think it'd be right for us to do this when I can't remember ya." Mal replied gently.

River stood still for a moment with her head cocked to the side and a far off look in her eyes. Finally she nodded and smiled, "Makes sense. I have never had these feelings for anyone before and I don't wish to begin something if you aren't feeling the same way."

"I wouldn't say I ain't feelin anything, but this has been a mighty confusin week and I'm not sure it's the best time for me to be startin something with a woman, even if she's as beautiful as you."

River giggled and beamed at him brightly.

"So I should probably ask just so I know where we stand. Before this whole thing with my memory bein' screwed up did anyone know we were thinkin on being together?" Mal asked as he pulled a chair out at the table and motioned for River to sit down.

"No. You have been fighting these feelings for many months, wouldn't even admit them to yourself and I was very confused as to my feelings as well. I don't think either of us realized what was happening until we were out there in the woods."

"Mind telling me what happened in the woods that changed things?"

When River didn't respond, Mal thought maybe he had pushed things too far.

"If it's too hard ta talk about then don't worry bout tellin me." Mal added hastily not wanting to upset her.

"No it's alright. I'm just trying to gather my thoughts. After the men took me, they brought me to their hunting cabin. Most of the beating happened while I was still unconscious. When I woke up one of the men was, he was… raping me. They had my hands tied up but I managed to fight him off and break his nose. Two of the others tried to take their turns and I killed them both; broke one's neck and crushed the other's sternum. After that the rapist and his last thug pulled me outside and tied my hands to a tree. They left me hanging naked in the snow. I passed out after awhile. The next thing I remember I woke up in your arms. You had killed the other two and carried me into the cabin. When I finally woke up, I was wrapped in your arms wearing your t-shirt. I could read your feelings for me as soon as I woke up. It was like finding me out there made you realize what was going on. Waking up in your arms like that, I knew right then that I was in love with you."

"Are you really in love with me?" Mal asked.

"Yes." She admitted; an embarrassed flush coloring her cheeks.

"Do I love you too? I mean did I love you before?" Mal asked.

"You never told me that you did."

"But you seem ta know everything I'm feelin, so I wanna know was I in love with you?"

"Yes you were. You felt very ashamed and conflicted about your feelings, but yes you were very much in love with me."

"I don't got any trouble believing that. I don't even know ya right now and I'm already crazy about ya." Mal admitted and pulled her in for another kiss. This one however was short and innocent.

"You think maybe we could wait to start this until I'm better? Or at least till I know more about you? I just wanna do this right ya know?" Mal asked.

"I think that waiting would be prudent for both of us." River agreed.

"What if you get your memory back and change your mind about being with me? I don't know if I could stand that." River asked suddenly.

"I loved ya before this, even if I was too much of an idiot to do anything. So now that I've done somethin' about it, I don't figure on changin my mind. I promise ya right here and now once I can remember everything I ain't gonna change my mind. If I do you have my permission to kick the go-se outta me and according to you that won't be hard for ya to do."

The two sat and stared into each other's eyes; lost in their own world for a moment. Finally Mal cleared his throat and changed the subject to something he figured was a little less intense.

"Hey who are these two guys?" Mal asked and pulled the picture of the crew from his shirt pocket.

River took the picture and looked at it sadly.

"Has anyone told you about Miranda?" River asked.

"Who?" Mal asked.

River looked down at the table and tried to figure out how to tell him about the events leading up to Miranda. Not only was that time unbelievably painful for the entire crew, but it meant explaining to Mal just how unstable she had once been. She wasn't certain he would still want her when he found out that she'd once been crazy.

"It's a very long, very sad story. But it is something you should know." River told him and began to explain the events that had changed them all forever.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Doctor may I come in?" Inara asked as she knocked gently on the door to Simon and Kaylee's bunk.

"Of course you can. I was just doing some research on the cortex about fever induced amnesia, trying to find out if there are some therapies or drugs that may help." Simon explained and switched off the monitor he'd been staring so intently at.

"Any luck?" She asked hopefully.

"Actually yes. There's a new anti-inflammatory drug on the market that is used to treat swelling of the brain. If we could find a way to get a hold of it, there's a chance it could completely restore Mal's memory within a few days."

"That's wonderful. How soon can we get it?" Inara asked.

"It won't be as easy as just going to get it. The drug is still in the experimental stages and it hasn't been approved by the Alliance to be put on the market." Simon explained dejectedly.

"Wouldn't it be dangerous giving Mal a drug that's not ready yet?"

"They've been doing field tests on this drug with human subjects for over eighteen months. I'm convinced it's completely safe to use; its just Alliance politics causing its release to be delayed. It's a very common situation with any new drug." Simon said bitterly, once more being reminded why he enjoyed living in the Black so much more than the Core now.

"So if we can't get it then why even bring it up?"

"I didn't say we couldn't get it. But we may have to use less than legal tactics to get our hands on the stuff."

"In other words?" Inara asked.

"We'd have to steal it." Simon said simply.

"Well at least stealing medicine is a job this crew has experience with. When are you going to tell the others?"

"As soon as I come up with some general idea of how we could get the stuff I'll bring it up with Zoe, Jayne, and Kaylee. Hopefully between all of us we can make a plan that will get us the medicine and not get any of us arrested."

"Simon I have something I need to speak with you about, something of a personal nature." Inara said suddenly abruptly changing the subject.

"I'm a doctor Inara. Anything you need to bring up with me will be kept confidential." Simon assured her.

"No its nothing like that, it's about River."

"What about her?" Simon asked instantly becoming concerned.

"I overheard her talking to Mal the first night he was in the coma. She was curled up on the bed with him and told him that she was in love with him. I just thought you should know that she seems to have developed a crush on the Captain. I'm sure that after everything that's happened to her recently she's just feeling confused and has possibly misinterpreted her feelings." Inara explained coolly.

"I know about her feeling Inara, she confided in me the other day." Simon revealed.

"She did?" Inara blurted sounding shocked. "I would have thought you'd be near hysterics over the idea."

"Why do people assume I'm going to freak if River begins a relationship with the Captain? I understand that she's a grown woman and I want her to have a full and happy life. Plus I have great respect for the Captain I'm sure he would treat her better than almost anyone she could possibly find." Simon replied sounding annoyed.

"Wait a relationship? Is that what you think will come of this? Simon the Captain isn't possibly going to start anything with River. I wanted to warn you so perhaps you could explain this to River and keep her feelings from being hurt."

"Why is it so hard to believe that Mal would want to be with River? She's smart, funny, and beautiful he would be lucky to have her." Simon said defensively.

"I'm not trying to demean River, Simon. But Mal is twice her age and far too noble to do anything like that with someone her age or with someone who is, well not stable like she is."

"River has been much better since Miranda." He objected instantly coming to his sister's defense. "I don't think her previous mental state would cause Mal to reject her."

"Perhaps not, but Mal and I have- we have, well you know that he and I have a sort of relationship." Inara stuttered.

"Inara I've watched you and Mal almost have a relationship for over two years, but you've never actually had one. Don't you think if something was going to happen between the two of you it would have happened by now? I don't mean to upset you, but perhaps Mal has grown tired of waiting for you. River indicated that Mal might be feeling something for her as well."

Inara stared at Simon in shock with her mouth open.

"Waiting for me? Why do you assume Mal has been the one waiting for me, maybe I've been waiting for him." Inara protested, her voicing rising to a pitch not normal for the Companion.

"I always just assumed that you being a Companion was the main reason the two of you had never gotten together. Everyone is aware of how he feels about your job; it may not be fair to you, but he does have very clear views on Companions and honestly can you blame him?" Simon asked.

"Blame him for what? Treating me like a common whore? Constantly putting down the profession I've dedicated my entire life to? For basically acting like he has his head shoved up his pi-gu all the time?" Inara spit angrily.

"For not wanting to share you. I don't see anything wrong with being a Companion Inara you know I don't. But I don't think I'd want to be in a relationship with one. No offense but do you really think it would be fair to ask Mal to be comfortable with you servicing men while he's trying to make a life with you?

Inara had no reply to Simon; she just stared at him fuming with anger. Part of her knew that everything Simon had said was valid, but it didn't make it any easier to hear. Her eyes filled with tears that she desperately wanted to hide from the doctor.

"I-that's not fair Simon. He never even gave us a chance and maybe we could have worked something out. Besides it's none of your business!" She finished nearly screaming at him.

"You're right it's not my business, but River is. If she and Mal can find the happiness together that you two couldn't, would you really want to deny either of them that chance?" Simon asked reasonably.

Inara didn't reply and Simon felt a wave of guilt when tears began to spill down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry Inara. I'm not trying to be cruel or hurt your feelings, but I think maybe its time you faced the reality of the situation."

"Simon what exactly qualifies you to give me advice on this situation? How long did it take you to finally make something happen with Kaylee? You barely know anything about relationships!"

Simon gaped at Inara with a hurt expression on his face. He swallowed a few times and turned away from Inara back to the Cortex screen.

"Well like I said Inara I'm sorry. I was only telling you what I think I've seen. If I have the situation completely wrong then forget everything I said." Simon said quietly.

Inara wiped the tears from her eyes and stood up straight, allowing herself to fall back onto her Companion training to calm her down.

"I accept your apology, but I still think you're wrong about Mal and River. If Mal is in love with anyone on the ship I believe that woman is me." Inara said coldly.

"That very well may be. Perhaps River has totally misread the situation, but how often does she ever get things like this wrong? All I ask is that if Mal does have feelings for River please don't stand in the way of that. If they can make a life together please let them."

"If Mal wants to be with River, I won't stand in the way." Inara whispered. She turned then, fled to her shuttle, fell down onto her bed, and cried tears of pain and confusion.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It took River over an hour to tell Mal the story of Miranda, she left nothing out, nor did she hide the fact that she had been mentally unstable before the secret had been let out.

Once River finished speaking Mal sat quietly and tried to absorb everything she'd told him.

"Can't believe I did all of that, I mean we did all of that. I wish I could remember Wash and the Shepherd, sounds like they were good men."

Suddenly River's face broke into a wide grin that lit up her entire face. Mal felt his pulse begin to race, she was so beautiful when she smiled.

"Don't worry you'll remember them very soon. Simon has a plan for some thrilling and highly illegal heroics. He's going to fix you I promise." River assured him confidently and leaned forward to kiss him excitedly.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"So what do you guys think?" Simon asked as he gazed at the crew gathered around the dining room table.

"Doc that plans more feng-le than most a the Captain's plans and that's sayin somethin." Jayne remarked.

"Ya know I have a feelin if I could remember some any of my former plans I'd be offended." Mal quipped.

"No ya wouldn't, trust me most a yer plans are crazier than the moonbrain use ta be." Jayne countered earning him a scathing look from River.

"You think this medicine is the only way to help the Captain?" Zoe asked.

"Honestly I don't know. It's possible that the swelling will go down on its own, but the scan I took this morning doesn't show any improvement. This medicine might be the one thing that will help his brain fully heal." Simon answered.

Mal looked worried for a second and then forced his face into a blank nonchalant look.

"I don't wanna be putting ya'll in danger fer me. If this is gonna get anybody hurt we shouldn't do it." Mal said seriously.

"How come if he can't remember nothin he still talks just like he used ta?" Jayne asked and the rest of the crew smiled.

"He does still have that whole noble self sacrificing thing goin on doesn't he?" Kaylee said and giggled.

"Hello? Sitting right here!" Mal exclaimed but laughed good naturedly.

"Seriously do you think it'll work?" Simon asked and the laughter cut off abruptly.

"I think we can pull it off, but it ain't gonna be easy. Plus Helios is pretty far away there ain't anywhere closer ta get this medicine?" Zoe asked.

"Helios has the only medical research facility I'm aware of that will carry the drug for sure. Their entire facility is almost entirely centered around neuroscience and especially brain trauma. It's possible we could find it closer, but do we really want to break into a place that we aren't certain has the drugs?" Simon pointed out.

Zoe nodded in agreement with Simon and then said, "You sure you wanna put River in that situation? Most a the risk'll be on her. Plus remember last time Jayne had to act? It weren't pretty."

"Hey I'm a great actor! But seriously shouldn't it be you and River goin' in? Seems like she do a lot better at playin the part than I would." Jayne reasoned.

"True but we'll need River's reading abilities to get inside and we'll need someone to bypass the security locks on the lab doors." Simon explained.

"Plus I know she'll insist on going anyway." Simon added and gave River a wry smile.

"Yes she is going to insist on going." River replied.

"Kay I get why she's gotta go, but why can't you go with her? It makes more sense that way." Jayne pointed out.

"I know but someone has to watch her back while she's busy working on getting into the lab and I trust you with a gun more than I trust myself. If there's trouble with guards, I'd rather you be there watching out for her than me. I'm going to be here giving River instructions over the ear piece she'll be wearing, Zoe can't go because she's going to have to be ready to pilot Serenity quickly and Mal isn't well enough to be working on anything yet." Simon explained honestly.

"So are we actually gonna do this?" Kaylee asked.

The crew exchanged glances around the table and nodded at each other.

"Guess so." Zoe confirmed. "River you wanna set a course for Helios." Zoe ordered the pilot.

River was up and headed towards the bridge before Zoe had even finished the sentence. She slid back into her seat beside Mal only a few minutes later, the fastest and safest route possible to Helios programmed in to the nav. system.

They spent the next three hours laying out the details of the plan, for it to work they would all have a separate job to do, but they had to be done with perfect timing or the plan would fail. They finally decided to call it a night when both Kaylee and River fell asleep at the table, their heads resting on their arms in almost identical positions. Simon gazed lovingly at how sweet Kaylee looked and noticed Mal giving River almost the same expression.

Simon picked Kaylee up to take her to their bunk. "I'll come back and get River in a minute." He called over his shoulder as he headed out the door with Kaylee.

"I got her Doc. No need for ya ta carry em both." Mal assured him and picked River up easily.

"Thanks." Simon smiled as he saw the Captain give River another tender look as he stared down at her peaceful expression.

_It definitely looks like he's feeling something for her and he can't even remember her right now._ Simon thought gladly.

He went to sleep that night feeling more hopeful for River's future than he had since she'd been brutalized in the woods.

The next morning however didn't begin nearly as well as the previous night had ended. It started out with Kaylee waking him from a dead sleep by smacking him in the back of the head.

"Simon Tam how could you do that?" Kaylee shouted.

"Huh wha-?" Simon grumbled still half asleep as he rubbed the back of his head.

"I don't know what you did to Inara but you better go and fix it. She's been cryin in her shuttle since last night and she told me it was on account a what you said to her! You ain't got the right ta be gettin in Inara's business and makin her cry!" Kaylee continued to yell.

"Kaylee." Simon said trying to explain himself.

"I always knew you were bad at talkin ta me sometimes, but I just figured it was cause ya were nervous cause ya liked me."

"Kaylee."

"But now I see yer just good at makin every girl on the ship cry!"

"KAYLEE!" Simon shouted finally getting her to quiet down.

"What?" She yelled in return.

"I didn't say anything mean to Inara. I just told her the truth and I think I was really nice about it. I'm sorry she's upset but I really don't think it's me she's upset at."

"What da ya mean?" Kaylee asked sounding a tiny bit calmer.

Simon sighed and tried to figure out how best to explain the situation.

"Alright I was going to let River tell you, but I guess I'd better so you'll stop yelling at me. River has feelings for Mal, strong feelings. She's in love with him. She didn't come right out and say it, but I have a feeling Mal maybe feeling the same thing about her."

Kaylee stared at him with an opened mouth look of shock on her face.

"All I said to Inara was that the two of them were possibly starting something. That's when Inara started yelling at me. She said that Mal would never want a relationship with River and that the only woman he had feelings for on board was her."

"So why is she cryin like she is? If she really believes that she wouldn't be this upset."

"When she started yelling at me I told her that I didn't think it was going to happen between her and Mal."

"Simon! That ain't nice you don't know maybe her and the Captain were gonna start something…" Kaylee argued.

"When Kaylee? How long have you watched them almost be together but never quite get there? Even with all the times I messed up and said or did the wrong thing we still managed to get together. Do you think they should both be alone for the rest of their lives waiting to see if maybe someday something will happen?" Simon replied feeling like he was having the exact same argument he'd had the night before.

Kaylee stopped and thought for a bit, her face losing the angry red glare it'd had before.

"Do ya think the Captain really wants ta be with River?" She asked curiously.

"I don't know for sure. I do know he was looking at her like he wanted her last night, but now with the amnesia I'm worried maybe he's feeling things he wasn't before. But haven't you noticed how close they've gotten in the last few months, maybe there is something there."

Kaylee's face broke into a wide bright grin and she threw her arms around Simon.

"River and the Captain, that's just so shiny!" She squealed. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"That's ok, I'm sorry I made Inara cry." Simon replied sincerely.

Kaylee's face fell at the mention of her friend. "Oh poor Inara, no wonder why she's so upset. Maybe I should go talk to her again and try ta make her feel better."

"I'm sure if anyone can make her feel better it would be you. I really didn't mean to hurt her, I just thought she should see the reality of the situation." Simon muttered regretfully.

"You don't need ta apologize ai-ren, now that ya explained ta me what happened I think maybe you're right. The Captain and Inara both deserve to find someone and they don't seem ta be able ta do that with each other. River deserves that too, so if she and the Captain can be happy together I think they should be." Kaylee replied with her usual supply of cheeriness and exuberance.

She gave Simon another warm smile and a long deep kiss as way of apology for yelling at him.

"Be back later." She said and left to comfort Inara.

She came bounding back into the room less than a second later and gave Simon a confused look.

"How come you ain't havin a heart attack about your little sis wantin the Captain? Kinda thought the day River wanted a man was the day you'd voluntarily take a walk in the Black without a suit." Kaylee giggled.

"Tzao-gao! Am I really that neurotic about my sister? Inara and River both figured I'd have a fit too. I admit it threw me off for a second, but I want River to be happy. If Mal makes her happy then I'm glad. Although once he gets his memory back I'll be sure to have a talk with him about all the ways I could kill him and make it look like an accident if he ever hurts her." Simon promised.

"That sounds more like the Simon I know. You're such a good big brother." She assured him and gave him another kiss before running from the room again.

"Doc how come me an River can't switch parts, wouldn't it work just the same?" Jayne complained from across the cargo bay where he sat with River rehearsing their part in the heist.

"Let you play the part of the neurosurgeon? Hmm let me think on that one for a second Jayne. Alright I though it over and no, you can't switch parts with River." Simon answered sarcastically.

"But if someone's gonna be playin a crazy person shouldn't it be the actual crazy person?" Jayne whined.

River gave him an annoyed look and kicked him in the butt while he was looking at Simon.

"Hey!" Jayne complained.

River tried to stay angry with him but truthfully she liked that Jayne wasn't treating her like glass. Everyone else had been tiptoeing around her since they'd returned from the woods and she was getting tired of it. Jayne was the only person who was still treating her like he had before.

"Jayne do I really have to explain it again? River has to be the doctor because she's going to read the people at the clinic. Don't you think it will look strange for the mental patient to be giving the doctor instructions?" Simon pointed out.

Jayne grumbled and looked annoyed but didn't argue any further.

"So ya gonna teach me how ta act crazy er what?" He muttered to River.

Simon smirked and headed to the infirmary, leaving the two of them to work things out on their own. He found Mal sitting in the infirmary when he arrived.

"Mal is everything alright? Is your breathing getting worse?" Simon questioned.

"Nah I'm feelin ok, physically anyways. Still kinda worn out but doin pretty good." Mal said uncomfortably, shifting anxiously in his seat.

"Well what can I help you with? Unless you're just here because you have the driving need to watch me take inventory."

"I kinda um wanted ta talk to ya bout yer sister." Mal stammered looking everywhere around the room besides Simon.

"I thought maybe this conversation was coming, but honestly I kind of figured you'd wait until you got your memory back." Simon commented making Mal suddenly look at him.

"You know bout me and yer sister?"

"Well I know that she's in love with you, I had a sneaking suspicion that maybe the feeling was mutual." Simon said with a smirk.

"Are you ok with that? River told me bout yer family and the Academy and everything the other night. I kinda figured since yer Dad ain't in the picture no more, if I was gonna ask someone fer permission to court her it'd be you."

"Thank you, I appreciate the fact that you would come to me first. But do you really think it's a good idea beginning a relationship when you can't remember anything?" Simon asked voicing the concern he'd had for days.

"No I don't think it'd be right. That's why me and River already decided not to start nothin' till after I got my memory back." Mal agreed.

"You did?" Simon blurted, surprised that they had already discussed the situation.

"Yep we think it'll be better to hold off until we can both go into it knowing everything."

"What if you get your memory back and decide that this isn't something you really wanted? I don't want to see my sister get hurt."

"I already promised yer sister that ain't gonna happen. She's pretty damn sure the only thing keepin me from bein with her before was my own stubborn sense of morality. Well I figure I've taken care a that by coming to you first and making sure it's what River really wants."

"I'd guess you did just that." Simon replied.

He and Mal stood in silence while Simon began to take inventory of his supplies. After a few minutes Simon cleared his throat and turned away from the cupboard he was working on to look at Mal.

"Mal has River told you what happened to her out in the woods?"

"Yeah she did, the same night we talked about us. I'm real sorry that happened to her, sorry I didn't stop it from happening to her." Mal said regretfully.

"Don't worry I'm not trying to blame you or anything. Its just I wanted to make sure you knew. I'm not really sure how it has affected River because she won't talk with me about it."

"She seems ta be doin alright, I know I don't know her very well right now, but from what I do know that girl's gotta spine a steel. I think she'll pull through this just fine." Mal said with confidence.

"Trust me I know how tough my sister is but well I'm worried about you and her starting a relationship, sexually I mean." Simon confided quietly, feeling extremely uncomfortable discussing his sister's sex life.

He looked around suddenly and shut the door to the infirmary before continuing.

"River lost her virginity the night she was raped. I don't mean to put any more pressure on you, but I hope you'll keep that in mind if you do begin a relationship with her. She's likely to have some deep emotional scars when it comes to sex because of that."

Mal's face turned red and he looked angry enough to seriously consider putting someone out the airlock.

"I didn't know that it was her first time, I mean maybe I knew before, but… Sorry I don't know what I'm saying. I wish I could remember killin them hun-dans. Whatever I did to em wasn't enough for hurtin her like they did." Mal bellowed angrily.

"I couldn't agree with you more and whatever you did do to them out there I thank you for it." Simon replied sincerely.

Both men sat and stared at each other in silence, each lost in their own regret and anger over what had been done to River. Finally Simon rubbed a hand over his face as if he was trying to wake himself up.

"Well I guess we should probably go check on River and Jayne and make sure they aren't killing each other in the cargo bay. Well I should say make sure River isn't killing Jayne, I really don't think he could take her." Simon joked.

"Hey Doc what do ya think the chances are of this drug gettin' my memory back?" Mal asked suddenly catching Simon off guard.

"The research on it shows that it's having near miraculous results. I'm confident that if you can get a dose of it then it should take the swelling down very quickly. After that we'll just have to wait and see how fast your memory returns."

"And if the swelling goes down it'll come back?" Mal asked wanting more of a guarantee than Simon was willing to give.

"I'm hopeful that it will, but the brain is a tricky thing. Sometimes it can heal itself in strange ways. It may take a long time for your memory to return, or it may happen within a day, it may come back in bits and pieces, or it may return all at once, it might completely return, or just partially return."

"Or it might not come back at all." Mal inserted saying what Simon was unwilling to.

"That's a possibility yes." Simon admitted. "We'll just have to give you the drug and hope for the best. I'm sorry I can't give you anymore of an assurance than that."

Mal nodded his head, but didn't reply as he followed Simon out of the infirmary.

"Hey Mal this will probably be awkward since you don't remember anything, but I think you should speak with Inara about River and your feelings for her." Simon told him suddenly as they walked to the cargo bay.

"The Companion? Why do I need to talk to her? She's barely spoken to me since I woke up. Is there some reason she needs ta know bout my personal life?" Mal asked in confusion.

"You and Inara have had feelings for each other for a long time. Nothings ever come of it and I think these last few months you had moved on, but it would still be kind of you to speak with her yourself before starting something with River." Simon informed him.

"How come me and her never got together if'n we had these feelins for so long? Mal asked curious to find out anything he could about the man he was such a short time ago.

"I would ask her about that just to be clear on things, but my impression of the situation was that you never approved of her job and she wasn't all that thrilled about yours as well. Neither of you seemed willing to change for the other and you couldn't be together without someone changing." Simon explained.

He actually felt proud of himself at the insight he had found into Mal and Inara's problems. Maybe it was only he and Kaylee's relationship that seemed to tie his brain up in knots. _Damn_ _well that's not helpful at all._ He thought and laughed ironically to himself.

"I'll talk to her then Doc. Thanks for the heads up, although I gotta say havin a conversation with a woman I barely know bout a relationship I never had seems a little strange to me." Mal commented.

"Yeah well even before the amnesia you were a complicated guy." Simon quipped.

Mal smiled and then grimaced a little when he looked in the direction of Inara's shuttle. As he walked to her door he tried to decide what to say to her, but as he was knocking he realized he had no clue how to start the conversation with her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A/N- So I know this chapter was kinda long and almost entirely dialogue. I promise the thrilling and highly illegal heroics are coming up soon. If not in the next chapter then the one after that.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Mal?" Inara blurted surprised to open her door and find the Captain standing there.

"You knocked! Who knew getting amnesia would work miracles on you." Inara joked.

Mal smiled politely but looked confused as to why him knocking was a joke.

"Would it be alright if I came in and talked to ya?" He asked nervously.

"Of course please come in." Inara answered graciously and stepped back so the Captain could enter the shuttle.

He stood gaping at the silks and decorations draping the walls as if he'd never seen them before and Inara realized with a jolt that to him he never had.

"Wow. It's really pretty in here, rich lookin ya know?" Mal commented as he continued to scan the shuttle's décor.

"Yes my clients expect a Companion to live in a room like this. I wouldn't want to ruin their illusions." Inara replied.

"So what is it I can do for you Mal?" Inara asked after a half minute of uncomfortable silence.

"Um well I kinda wanted to talk to ya bout something." Mal stammered and looked down at his feet.

"Alright would you like to sit down?" Inara offered and motioned to the silk couch opposite her bed.

Mal swallowed nervously and sat down on the edge of the sofa. Inara began to make tea for them as she waited patiently for Mal to begin.

"So this is kinda uncomfortable, but someone mentioned that you and me maybe had some sorta feelings or something for each other." Mal said quietly.

Inara lost all of her calm Companion training for a moment and simply gaped at Mal. She nervously collected herself a moment later and cleared her throat.

"Well um, yes I suppose you could say we had some sort of feelings of a kind." She replied sounding every bit as uncomfortable as Mal had.

"Can I ask what exactly we had going on? Were we involved, romantically I mean?" Mal asked bluntly.

"Involved? No we never have been, but there were feelings between us and I had always thought someday we would be together."

Mal sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Whatever it is Mal you should just tell me. I can always tell when there's something you need to say." Inara encouraged.

"The thing is since I woke up and couldn't remember anything, well me and River have been getting mighty close. She and I well we kind of started something the other night and I just though I should tell you in person about it." Mal finally blurted out.

Inara stared at him with a look of shock and betrayal on her face.

"But Mal how can you do this now? You can't remember anything, these feelings you're having for her are just a result of not knowing any of us. Once you remember your life don't you think things will change?" Inara protested.

"What I'm feeling for River ain't just some schoolboy crush Inara. I'm fallin in love with her and I think it started before I lost my memory. I don't rightly know how ta describe it, but even though I can't remember her it feels like I know her."

Inara began to cry then, large tears streaming down her cheeks and smudging her makeup.

"I'm sorry Inara. I don't wanna hurt ya or nothin. But I can't just ignore what I'm feelin for River. It ain't fair to her, or you." Mal said regretfully.

He reached up and tried to wipe the tears from her cheek. Inara pulled her head away from his hand and glared at him angrily.

"Don't you can't just tell me something like that and then try to comfort me!" She yelled.

"I'm sorry Inara I was just tryin to do the right thing. You said yerself me and you weren't together, that we never have been. Why's it so bad for me to find someone I can be with?" Mal asked.

Inara had no reply so she turned her back to him and stared out the window of her shuttle. She was quiet for so long that Mal began to think perhaps he should simply get up and leave without bothering her again. Just as he was ready to leave Inara turned and looked at him. Her face still looked shocked and hurt, but she was no longer crying.

"You're right Mal. We never had anything more than unspoken feelings and frustrations. I'm glad you've found someone who can give you the things that I couldn't. But understand, this is it, I'm finished. If you get your memory back and realize it was me you really wanted I won't be here for that. I can't keep doing this dance with you Malcolm Reynolds. You have my friendship and my loyalty, but you're never going to have my love." Inara told him in a monotone voice.

"I understand that Inara, I wouldn't hurt you like this and then change my mind. I am sorry bout all this." Mal said sincerely.

"Mal don't hurt her. River's been through more than anyone should have to, so just don't hurt her alright? She needs someone to take care of her, even if she doesn't realize that."

"Believe me Inara hurting her is the last thing in the Verse I'd want to do." Mal answered honestly.

Inara gave him a genuine smile then and Mal saw why he had had feelings for her in the past, she was a strikingly beautiful woman. Even as this thought passed through his mind an image of River replaced Inara and Mal's heart sped up suddenly.

"Thank you for coming to me Mal. I appreciate the gesture, even if it was Simon who pointed you in my direction." Inara said with a teasing gleam in her eye.

Mal smiled lightly and gave Inara a brief friendly hug.

"Hey are you given the man who can't remember anything a hard time, specially after I came here and was all honest with ya? I mean yer lucky I even know yer name." He joked.

"Go find River. I can tell you're dying to see her." Inara said good naturedly and pushed Mal towards her door.

After Mal was gone Inara locked the door and sat down on her bed waiting for the flood of tears she knew would hit her soon. She kept staring at the floor waiting for the breakdown. But it didn't seem to be coming, why wasn't it coming? Inara grabbed a pillow and squeezed it tightly, she had expected to be heartbroken after that conversation but she wasn't. True she was sad, but it was almost a resigned tired kind of sad, not the heart wrenching kind she'd expected.

Inara sighed and lit some incense, before sitting on the floor and beginning to meditate. Twenty minutes later she took a deep breath and opened her eyes. Like always meditating had calmed her mind and given her clarity into her current situation. It was jolting to realize but she wasn't that upset about Mal and River. She and Mal had always been an 'almost' and never been a 'forever'. As difficult as this was for the Companion to admit she knew they would both be better off. Inara realized that they would both have had to give up too much of themselves to make a relationship work and then they would have been miserable and ended up hating each other. It was better that they remain friends and nothing more.

She stood up from the mat on the floor and straightened her clothes. She took a deep breath, fixed her makeup, and realized that she felt lighter than she had felt in months.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You informed Inara of our intentions." River said without turning to look at Mal as he walked onto the bridge.

"Ya know darlin it's down right unsettlin how you always know when someone walks into the room without even lookin at em." Mal commented as he took the co-pilots seat.

"And yes I talked to her." He added.

"She understands things, not upset." River replied confidently.

"Yeah she was real understandin bout things. I think it'll be ok. Ya know this is the spot where we had our first kiss." Mal commented slyly as he stood and stepped behind River's chair. He reached out with one hand and ran his hand through her hair, enjoying the sensation of her soft hair sliding between his fingers.

"Not our first kiss, just the first one you can remember. But it was our best kiss." River said with a sigh as she relaxed her head back against his chest.

"Wouldn't be discountin them ones in the galley they weren't nothin' to forget about neither." Mal commented and leaned over to kiss River upside down.

"Thought we decided to wait until your memory returned." River reminded him regretfully.

"I know, sorry. Just hard ta wait for something this good." Mal explained and stepped away from River.

"Won't have much longer to wait, Helios is right there." River said and pointed out the window to a small reddish moon that was growing steadily larger in their field of vision.

"Should be docked by tomorrow morning." River assured him. She stood and gave him a slow lingering kiss that stole his breath away.

"Thought we was supposed ta be waitin?" Mal asked breathlessly.

"That was just to remind you of what will be." River explained and gave him a wickedly sexy grin before disappearing out the door.

Mal watched her vanish from view and shook his head, tomorrow couldn't come fast enough for him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Still don't see why I gotta be all trussed up in this thingy." Jayne complained as he wiggled uncomfortably.

The rest of the crew tried to hide their smirks, but most were failing miserably.

"Something about this just looks so, so… right. It's like the opposite of that statue in Canton." Simon snickered as he watched Jayne wriggle in the straight jacket he was currently bound in.

Jayne scowled at him and then began to wrinkle his nose.

"Now my gorram noses itches! Somebody scratch it fer me." Jayne whined and watched as the crew all backed away from him identical looks of amusement on their faces.

"Ah come on somebody's gotta help me!" Jayne protested loudly.

River walked into the cargo bay just then and everyone stopped talking as they took in her appearance. She was dressed to play the part of an Alliance doctor. She was wearing a blue business skirt and blouse that on some would look dowdy, but on her simply looked elegant. Over that she wore a white lab coat complete with a photo id badge in the front pocket. Her hair was pulled up into a simple French twist and to complete the look she was wearing a pair of wire rimmed glasses.

Mal thought that the outfit made her look older than her twenty years and beautiful in a way he hadn't imagined her to be.

"Think I will blend in with the Alliance doctors?" She asked.

"River you look perfect." Simon complimented.

"I'm thinkin with that outfit and yer freaky ass smart brain it should be enough to make anyone think yer a doctor." Jayne joked.

"And I think that with that outfit combined and your brain, you'll have no trouble convincing anyone you're a mental patient." River shot back.

"Yeah well… Hey! That ain't funny." Jayne yelled once he got the joke.

Everyone waited around while Kaylee tinkered a bit with the Mule making sure that it was running perfectly should River and Jayne have the need to get away quickly. Mal used the time to pull River into the infirmary so they could be alone.

Mal took River into his arms and rested his chin on the top of her head. "Ya know you don't gotta do this. I hate ta think ya might get hurt or caught just fer me."

"Have you remembered anything on your own?" She asked pointedly.

"No can't say as I have." He admitted.

"Then I have to do it."

"No ya don't." He argued.

"It's no more than you would do for me, than you did do for me." She said simply and snuggled tighter against him.

"I know we agreed ta wait till after I got the medicine, but I love you. I know ya probably don't think I can cause I don't remember ya, but even if it don't make sense I love you. And I just had ta say that before you went off doing something dangerous for me." Mal whispered.

"I know you do ai-ren. Can read your thoughts remember? I love you too." She whispered back and tilted her head up to give him a kiss.

"Don't worry so much everything will be fine." She assured him.

She pulled herself from his grasp and walked towards the Mule, turning to give him one last bright smile before climbing aboard and taking the controls.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mal jolted awake three hours later as he heard the Mule come crashing loudly into the cargo bay.

"Doc get down here now!" He heard Jayne screaming.

Feeling cold panic settle around his heart Mal bolted from the chair he'd been napping in and ran onto the cat walk that overlooked the cargo bay.

The panic he'd been feeling moments before grew into full blown terror when he looked down at the Mule. Jayne was bleeding profusely from his right leg and his head; in his arms he held an unconscious River and was struggling to climb out of the Mule.

Mal raced down the stairs to the Mule as fast as he could and pulled River from Jayne's arms. He held River's limp body and felt his heart tighten painfully in his chest when he saw the hilt of a dagger sticking out of River's chest, blood pouring from around the blade.

Mal ran into the infirmary and placed her on the table moving to stand near her head so Simon had room to help her. Suddenly her eyes fluttered open and she gave Mal a weak smile.

"Ai-ren I'm sorry I lied." She whispered weakly and then began to cough up blood which stained her lips a dark crimson that was shocking against her shockingly pale skin.

"What'd ya lie about bao-bei?" Mal asked as he tried to swallow back the sobs threatening to escape.

"Told you everything would be fine. Didn't see it coming, I'm sorry." River whispered sounding even weaker than she had a moment before.

"Hush up silly girl. I don't care bout that, you just gotta get better for me now dong ma?" Mal ordered lovingly.

"I was successful. I found…" River stopped talking suddenly and Mal watched in horror as her back arched off the table and she then went limp.

Simon began to shout instructions to Zoe who was assisting him, but it seemed to Mal that the doctor's voice was coming from far away. The only thing he heard with any clarity was the sudden erratic beeping of River's heart on the monitor and then the terrifying silence that Mal realized meant her heart wasn't beating at all.

As Simon prepared to shock her body with the defibrillator no one noticed the small vial of medicine fall out of River's hand and shatter on the infirmary floor.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The silence in the infirmary seemed to be deafening. Everyone stood frozen in horror as River's body convulsed off the table from the defibrillator. It seemed like the entire room collectively held their breath after the shock listening for the heart monitor. It beeped once and then went silent.

Mal couldn't make a sound his throat was constricted painfully, but inside his head a loud shrill buzzing sound seemed to fill every corner of his mind. He was losing her! He couldn't lose her!

Suddenly as clear as anything in the room Mal remembered finding River tied to the tree in the woods. She had looked so small, so cold, so hurt and Mal had realized at that moment that he loved her. The memory was so sudden and shocking that for a second he forgot where he was.

Mal's attention was brought back to the present when Simon shocked River once more and her body again jerked off the table. Suddenly the loud buzzing in his head grew even louder and bright red spots began to float in front of his eyes. Before he even had the chance to think that something was wrong he felt his body tense up involuntarily and he began to fall to the ground. The last thing he saw was the exam table coming towards his face and then his head connected with the corner and he was out.

"Shit! What the hell's wrong with him?" Jayne shouted as he saw Mal crash to the floor and begin to seize.

Simon spared only a second to glance over at Mal's thrashing form on the ground.

"Jayne make sure he doesn't hurt himself. Inara there are syringes in that drawer that say Phenobarbital on them, give Mal an injection of one." He instructed as he continued to work on River.

Inara nervously followed Simon's instructions and breathed a sigh of relief when Mal's body relaxed and the seizure ended.

She heard Simon let out a breath of relief at almost the same instant.

"Her heart is beating again." He informed the crew.

"Kaylee help Jayne get Mal up on the other table and then I need everyone but Zoe out I need to do surgery on River immediately." Simon instructed briskly.

"What about Mal?" Zoe asked giving the Captain a concerned glance.

"He had another seizure. I don't know why he had one, but he's breathing so he's going to have to wait until River is stable." Simon answered as he began to prep River for surgery.

"But if he's had a seizure it could be serious." Zoe pointed out.

"Yes Zoe I'm aware of that! I'm only one person and I can't work on two patients at once. Mal's had a seizure which means something is wrong with his brain. He's breathing, with a brain injury if it was critical he wouldn't be breathing so right now I need to concentrate on my sister!" Simon yelled at Zoe.

"I'm sorry you're right." Zoe replied quietly. "Just tell me what you need me to do."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mal groaned and tried to open his eyes, he regretted it the moment he did. The light above his head was blindingly bright. His head had already felt like it was on fire and the light made it even worse.

"Hey Sir don't be moving a lot. You're in the infirmary." He heard Zoe tell him sternly.

"River?" Mal asked groggily.

"She's alive. Its still touch and go, but so far she's holding on." Zoe reassured.

"What the hell happened?"

"You had another seizure. Simon thinks it caused a blood vessel in your head to rupture." Zoe explained.

"Another seizure? When'd I have other seizures?" Mal asked confused.

"Well when you were so sick, remember that's what caused the amnesia."

"Amnesia? What the hell? I don't have amnesia." Mal replied sounding even more confused.

"Ok um I'm gonna go get Simon so he can examine you. He can explain what's going on better than I can." Zoe said and left the room quickly.

Mal opened his eyes slowly against the bright light and looked over to where River lay. She was unbelievably pale and connected to a great many wires and tubes.

_What the hell happened to her?_ Mal thought. The bruises that had been so vivid the day before were now faded and Mal couldn't figure out how she had gotten injured so badly. The last time he's seen her she'd been beat on pretty bad, but she wasn't hurt like this.

"Mal you're awake, that's a good sign." Simon said brightly when he entered. He was trying to sound cheerful but Mal could tell when he was covering up concern in his voice.

"What the hell happened to River? She weren't this bad off last I saw her." Mal asked.

"She was stabbed in the chest remember? At the medical clinic." Simon answered not even trying to hide the worry in his voice this time.

"What medical clinic? Last thing I remember was bein in them woods and feelin sick. How'd we get back to the ship?" Mal asked feeling very confused and irate about things.

"Mal that was nearly three weeks ago. You don't remember anything since then?" Simon asked.

"Three weeks? Wuh de ma! What the hell have I been doin for three weeks?" Mal asked.

"Its ok stay calm. I'll explain everything I just want to run a quick scan on you first." Simon instructed.

Mal waited in anxious silence as Simon took the scan and then read the results.

"So the last thing you remember is being in the woods after you and River were attacked?" Simon asked.

"Yeah, I found River close ta dead and brought her in the cabin, got her warmed up. Then we started headin back ta Serenity and I was gettin pretty sick. Seems like that just happened, how could it be three weeks ago?"

"You passed out in the woods and River brought you back to the ship. It was an infection from the bullet wound in your shoulder and it turned into pneumonia. You started having seizures from the fever and slipped into a coma." Simon explained filling in the gaps in Mal's memory.

"We were able to get our hands on some strong antibiotics and get you over the infection, but when you woke up from the coma you had swelling in your brain. It was interfering with your ability to recall memories, you've had no memory of your life for the last three weeks. Last night a blood vessel ruptured in your brain probably because of your increased blood pressure at seeing River hurt so badly." Simon continued.

"A rupture in my brain? Am I gonna be ok?" Mal asked fearfully.

"Actually according to the scans you're going to be fine. The rupture was small and seems to be healing on its own, plus it seems to have alleviated the swelling in your brain. Barring any unforeseen complications I think you'll make a full recovery." Simon replied hopefully.

"So if my brains getting better how come I don't remember none a that?"

"I'm not sure. Neurological science isn't really my area of expertise." Simon answered.

"Yeah but I can tell ya got a theory." Mal prodded.

"Well a rupture in your brain combined with the swelling is bound to cause brain damage. Since the memory center of your brain is where the swelling and rupture occurred, that would be the area affected. Basically I think that everything stored in your memory from the time of the first injury to the time of the second has been wiped out. It happens in computers all the time and really the brain is nothing more than a biological computer. But that is just a theory."

Mal absorbed the information and decided that Simon's theory was enough of an explanation for him.

"So mind telling' me what the hell happened to my reader." Mal said and cast a worried glance over at River.

"We were trying to get a medication for you to reduce the swelling in your brain. Jayne and River tried to steal it from a medical facility on Helios and things went bad. I haven't heard the story from Jayne yet, but someone stabbed River in the chest with a knife. Jayne was shot twice but he'll be ok."

"Is River gonna make it?" Mal asked his guilt at thinking she got hurt that badly for him nearly overwhelming.

"I don't know yet. The knife punctured her lung and caused a lot of internal bleeding into her chest cavity. So far she's holding her own, but she's not out of the woods by a long shot." Simon replied anxiously.

"Do I gotta stay in here or can I move around?" Mal asked feeling the overpowering need to check on his crew and his ship.

"I think it's safe to leave the infirmary as long as you stay quiet. No getting upset or moving around a lot." Simon ordered.

Mal stood up quickly, swayed, and would have fallen if Simon hadn't been there to catch him.

"Move slowly remember. Your brain has been through a lot of trauma recently you're going to have to take things very slowly for awhile." Simon reprimanded.

"Gotcha. Movin slow is very good I'm thinkin." Mal agreed and moved from the infirmary at a much more measured pace.

He found the crew sitting in the common room near the infirmary, all of them looking anxious.

"Cap'n you ok?" Kaylee asked and then let out a sob.

"I'm alright. Doc says my brains healin up all on its own. But I don't seem ta be able ta recall the last few weeks. Did I do anything stupid while I was missin my memory?" Mal asked trying to lighten the mood.

"Not any more than usual." Inara replied without missing a beat.

Mal eased himself into a chair and looked at Jayne with concern. The merc was laying on the couch with his leg propped up on pillows and a bandage covering his arm.

"Ya'll right there Jayne?" He asked.

"Fine other than gettin' shot all ta hell." Jayne grumbled.

Kaylee stood, threw her arms around the Captain and began to cry even louder.

"Hey there mei-mei I'm gonna be fine. Got my memory back and everything. River's gonna be ok too, that girls tough as nails. She'll pull through this you'll see." He comforted.

"I know. Just both a ya were hurt so bad out there in them woods and now this…" Kaylee sobbed.

"Don't you worry. Things'll be just shiny." Mal promised and kissed the top of Kaylee's head.

"So you wanna tell me what happened to get my merc shot and my reader stabbed Jayne?" Mal asked.

"Job just went bad Mal. We got in there no problem. River was pretendin ta be a doctor and I was actin like the crazy guy she was there ta run tests on. We got ta the lab and Simon told us where ta find the stuff. We got it and were high tailin it outta there when the feds showed up." Jayne explained.

"How many feds?" Mal asked, knowing it had to be a fair number for them to injure River and Jayne so badly.

"Don't know exactly. More 'en thirty. River got a lot of em and I shot a good number myself. Then I got hit in the leg and went down. River helped me up and we were makin for the Mule when one a the hun-dans grabbed her by the hair and then stuck her with his knife. I shot him and got us the hell outta there." Jayne finished.

"They gonna be comin after Serenity?" Mal asked worriedly.

"Nah had Serenity parked at the docks and we lost em long fore be got there. Ain't no way they coulda picked her outta the hundred and some other ships that was docked. We got inta the Black fore they could land lock anybody."

Mal sighed with relief, they had enough problems currently without adding the feds on top of it.

"Mal I really think you should lie down now." Simon lectured from the doorway of the infirmary.

"Mayhaps the Doc's right. My head feels like it's gonna split right open any second." Mal agreed and walked back into the infirmary.

He watched silently as Simon checked River's vitals. Every time he looked at her still form and wan face he felt his heart wrench in his chest. In his mind he couldn't stop recalling River kissing him in the hunting cabin. She'd been so hurt and vulnerable, but she'd looked at Mal with complete trust. He remembered how confidently she had informed him that she knew of his feelings for her. Quickly he forced the thoughts from his head, he had enough to deal with at the present without thinking on the feelings he knew he shouldn't be having for her.

"She's doing better." Simon said suddenly pulling Mal away from his thoughts. "Her vitals are stronger and her color is improving."

"Good." Mal replied drowsily and fell into a fitful sleep.

River continued to improve over the next week. By the second day she was awake and by the fifth day she was sitting up and eating. Once again Mal was amazed at the tenacity of the young woman. It seemed like there was nothing that could keep her down for long.

Although she'd been awake for six days Mal had managed to avoid being alone with River the whole time. He would slip in and watch her while she slept, thinking on how beautiful she was and then berating himself for thinking such thoughts. No matter how he looked at it he just didn't see how he and River could be together. He was too old for her and he knew deep down that she deserved so much more than a man like him.

Mal was sitting beside her bed as he had done every night since he'd woken up. This night however River woke up and caught him sitting beside her.

"Hey there Little Albatross how ya doin?" He whispered.

"Little Albatross? Not bao-bei? You don't remember." She replied weakly.

"Seems from what I hear there's a lot I haven't been rememberin lately."

River didn't reply, but the tear trailing down her cheek and the sad expression on her face was enough to break Mal's heart.

"S'gonna be ok darlin. Doc says yer gettin' better and he said my heads fixin itself. Seems me and you must be cats, we both seem ta got nine lives."

River smiled a little for his benefit, but continued to look at him with that same sad expression.

"What's goin on got ya so sad? I might not be the psychic you are but I can tell when a girl is hurtin."

"You're going to break your promise."

"Well now what promise would that be? Don't seem like I should be held to a promise I can't remember makin." Mal joked trying to cheer River up.

The look of hurt and betrayal on River's face made Mal realized that whatever she was talking about was not a joking matter.

"Come on ya know you can talk to me. What's the matter?" Mal asked gently.

Instead of replying River turned her head away from him and closed her eyes. Mal tried for a few more minutes to get her to talk to him, but she remained silent.

Feeling discouraged he left the infirmary and went to the galley and began searching for any kind of liquor they might have. Stashed at the back of one of the cupboards he found a bottle of Saki that belonged to Jayne.

Mal was halfway through his third glass when Inara walked into the room.

"Good evening Mal." She said politely.

"Evening Nara." He replied in a slightly slurred voice.

"How is River tonight?" Inara asked.

"Alright I spect. Don't really know." Mal replied trying to sound casual.

"I would think you'd be spending every minute with her now that the two of you have begun a relationship."

Mal jerked in surprise and choked on his drink spitting Saki across the table.

"Two of who begun a what?" He asked.

"You and River. Relationship. Didn't anyone tell you?" Inara asked.

"Tell me what?" Mal asked.

"Mal you came to me a week ago and told me you were in love with River."

Mal could only stare at Inara in shock. He couldn't imagine doing something like that.

"I did? So how come you ain't mad at me." Mal asked finally.

"Because you made a good point the other day. You told me that you and I had never been together and we shouldn't stand in the way of the other finding someone who could make them happy."

Inara saw the distraught and confused look on Mal's face and took pity on him. She walked over and placed a hand on his cheek and smiled.

"It's alright Mal. I think we both know that you and I wouldn't have worked. Neither of us are willing to change for the other and neither of us should have to. If you have to be a different person to be with someone they aren't the person you're meant to be with."

She gave him a dazzling smile and kissed his cheek.

"I made you promise the other day that you wouldn't hurt her and even though you can't remember it, I'm holding you to that promise. River loves you Mal, exactly as you are. Quit being an idiot and go tell her that you love her. How many petty criminals are lucky enough to find a genius assassin to love? Don't lose her."

"She deserves better than me." Mal protested.

"Maybe." Inara admitted. "But she chose you. That's all that matters."

Mal smiled at Inara, jumped up from the table, and ran to the infirmary; wanting nothing more at that moment than to take Inara's advice.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A/N- I know I promised thrilling heroics and I was going to write the medicine heist as its own chapter but it just didn't work. Hope this doesn't disappoint too much. Thank you everyone for the nice reviews!


	11. Chapter 11

A/N- This chapter is definitely short compared to the others, but I think it works just as it is. It is also full of fluff and so sweet you may get a tooth ache, there now you've all been warned.

Also I don't own Firefly or any of its characters. Thought I should finally put that out there.

Chapter 11

Halfway to the infirmary Mal turned a corner and smacked right into Simon who'd been heading towards the galley.

"Pretty sure I gave you some serious warnings about moving slowly for awhile." Simon stated as he straightened his clothes.

Mal sighed inwardly. Why in the hell did he have to run into the Doc just then? He so badly wanted to go to River and spill out every feeling he was having for her, but now that he was facing the doctor he knew he had to speak with him first.

"Look Doc I gotta tell ya somethin and I gotta do it quick fore I lose the guts. So here it is. I'm in love with yer sister. Don't know how it happened, but I love her and I wanna be with her and I'm really hopin you'll give me yer blessing cause I wouldn't feel right about doin somethin without it." Mal blurted quickly and then took a deep breath.

Simon stared at Mal seriously for almost a minute, giving him a cold and calculated look, which left Mal sure that he was going to wake up dead the next morning.

"You want to be with my sister? You son of a bitch she's half your age and you're a criminal!" Simon shouted.

Mal winced and backed a step away from the doctor, seriously hoping that Simon didn't carry a scalpel around in his pocket at all times.

Suddenly and unexpectedly Simon burst out laughing. He laughed so hard that his face turned red and tears ran down his cheeks.

"What in the gorram Verse is just so funny?" Mal asked irritated.

"I'm sorry it's just the look on your face. Mal I'm just messing with you, we had this conversation already. I gave you and River my blessing over a week ago." Simon explained still chuckling quietly.

"So in the three weeks I had amnesia I told River I loved her, squared things away with Inara bout it, and came to you for your blessing? Did I do anything else amazing while I was walkin around with no memory? Single handedly take down the Alliance? Pull off a job with no complications and make us all wealthy for the rest of our lives?" Mal replied sarcastically.

"Not that I know of, but you did make my sister a promise."

"See she was talkin bout breaking a promise earlier and I didn't know what she was talkin' bout. She seemed mighty upset about it."

"You promised her that when your memory returned you weren't going to change your mind about being with her. She's probably worried that you don't remember and aren't going to make good on your promise." Simon explained.

"Think its best if I go talk to her then huh?" Mal replied finally connecting the dots about why his joke earlier had upset her so badly.

"Mal if you aren't completely sure about this, don't do anything. I gave you my blessing because I believe that you're a good man and I think you'll treat River better than most anyone she could find. If you prove me wrong, well let's just say right now, off the top of my head, I can think of at least thirty different combinations of drugs in the infirmary I could kill you with." Simon threatened.

"You know it's down right creepifying how you and yer little sis can look so proper and polite and then turn down right scary so damn quick. I promise ya Doc hurtin her ain't an option, I don't think I ever felt this way bout anyone before and I ain't planning on losing it." Mal promised.

Simon gave him a warm smile and a friendly slap on the back before leaving Mal alone outside the infirmary.

Mal took a moment to gather his courage and walked through the door, only to find River asleep. He felt that familiar fluttering in his chest that seemed to happen every time he looked at her as he sat down on the stool next to her bed. His first thought was how much she looked like an angel while she slept. He loved everything about her; the way she slept with her fists clenched loosely around her thumbs like a child, the way her long black eye lashes rested on her pale white cheeks making her look like a porcelain doll. _Damn!_ He thought. _I'm getting down right poetical. _

"Hey there River girl. Got some stuff I need ta say to ya and mayhaps it'll be easier ta practice while yer sleepin." Mal whispered quietly.

"Guess first off I wanna tell ya I'm an idiot. Don't know why I fought this for so long. Now that I'm here with ya it seems like the most natural thing in the world. I love you River Tam. I love you so much it kinda scares me. A long time ago I decided that not havin somethin was better than havin it and losin it, so I didn't let myself have anything I thought I couldn't stand to lose. But I realized somethin' bout you; not havin you at all would be worse than havin you and losin you."

Mal paused for a second and took a deep breath before continuing.

"I ain't about to say that I deserve ya in any way. I'm a mean old man and depending on who ya ask a petty thief. You're smarter than me, better lookin, and you're even better in a gunfight than me. Don't much know why you'd want ta be with me, but I'm just gonna count my blessings that you do. So I'm gonna tell ya right now; I'm done screwin around and feelin bad about wantin ta be with you. I want ta be with ya and I don't care if it's right or not. I want you to be mine. Forever, if you'll have me." Mal finished and leaned over to kiss her lips softly still trying not to wake her.

To his surprise the moment his lips touched hers she began to kiss him back. The kiss was long and more passionate than Mal had ever had before with any woman. He pulled away breathlessly and gave her a look of surprise.

She smiled sweetly up at him, "Took you long enough."

"Hey I just said you're smarter than me. Can't be blamin me if I don't figure stuff out as quick as you do."

"You got it eventually, that's all that matters." She whispered and pulled him down for another kiss.

"Love you bao-bei." He whispered.

"Love you too ai-ren."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

One week later Mal found himself pacing outside the infirmary impatiently waiting for Simon to finish examining River. The doctor had promised that if her vitals were strong he would let her out of the infirmary and return to her own room. River hated the infirmary with a passion, it brought back too many memories of the Academy and of the people she loved being injured. Mal had spent most of the week keeping her company and trying to keep her distracted so she wouldn't dwell on her current location.

Simon opened the door a few minutes later and Mal anxiously walked inside.

"So Doc how's our girl doing?" He asked as he leaned over to give River a kiss.

Simon smiled and shook his head, still not totally comfortable watching the Captain kiss his baby sister.

"She's doing fine. Her vitals are completely normal and the incision is healing nicely. I think its fine to let her return to her room." Simon said happily, he also knew how much his sister loathed the infirmary.

Mal gave River a wide grin and picked her up from the infirmary bed.

"Ai-ren I'm perfectly capable of walking to my bunk." River giggled.

"Hey now, my girls still hurt and I aim to take care of her." He said stubbornly as he carried her to her bunk.

"So how did the latest heist go?" She asked after he'd set her down.

"Actually went off without a hitch. Forty crates of seeds and protein packs securely stowed in the cargo bay and we got a buyer all lined up. One that ain't likely to shoot me."

"Wow something new and different for you." River teased.

"Hey now, not every single contact shoots me!" Mal argued.

"True some of them just beat you up." She countered.

"I swear I'm Captain of this whole boat and I get absolutely no respect from any a the crew, even the ones I'm in love with." Mal said with mock sadness.

River smiled at his words. She'd never had anyone be in love with her before. True she had people who loved her, but someone in love with her was a new experience.

"How long until we make the drop?" River asked.

"Bout a week's trip to Atlas. I think you'll like it there, real pretty little farming moon. Lotsa wide open fields and some really pretty forests."

Mal regretted his words as soon as they left his mouth. River's face took on a pained look at the word forest and he knew she was remembering what had happened to her in the woods on Eurydice.

"Oh bao-bei I'm sorry. Didn't mean ta bring up bad memories for ya." Mal apologized quickly.

"It's fine Mal." River assured him.

"Ya know we ain't really talked about what happened in them woods and I know you've been havin nightmares about it. Heard ya just about every night this week talkin in yer sleep. How are ya handlin what happened?" Mal asked hoping that bringing up the subject wouldn't upset her.

River didn't reply right away. Her eyes took on a dark haunted look and Mal began wishing he hadn't said anything.

"It's alright to bring it up Mal." She assured him, easily plucking the thoughts from his head.

"If it's too painful you don't gotta talk about it." He said gently.

"Do you think I'm ruined?" She asked quietly.

"Ruined? No why would I think that?" Mal asked.

River shrugged her shoulders and looked at him sadly.

"He ruined her. Took away the only innocence she had left." River muttered.

Mal immediately became concerned when she began speaking in the third person. It had been a long time since her speech had been disjointed and he hated to think that she was back sliding into madness once again.

"First the blue hands ruined her mind then the men in the woods ruined her body. Nothing pure left." She whispered and began to cry.

Mal quickly gathered her into his arms and began to rub her back. He tried to clear everything from his head except his feelings for her. He hoped she would read him and see herself as he saw her.

"River girl I want ya to look at me right now and listen to me. Really listen to what I'm about to tell you." Mal ordered and pulled away from her so that he could look into her eyes.

"You are the most beautiful and most incredible person I've ever known. There is not one thing about you that isn't pure. Everything you do is extraordinary, you're extraordinary. I don't see how you can't know that."

River stared at him for a long time, unblinking. She searched his eyes and his mind at the same time, looking for any sign that he wasn't telling her the truth. Finally she smiled slightly and leaned into his arms so that he could embrace her again.

"Thank you ai-ren. I look so beautiful in your mind, how can I look that beautiful to you?" She asked still not ready to believe that someone could see her the way he did.

"Because you are that beautiful darlin and that's the God's honest truth of it."

"You don't believe in God." She pointed out.

"I always believed in Him. I was just angry at him for a long time. Figured he never did one thing ta help me or anyone else. But ya know that changed that night in them woods. I prayed for the first time in a good many years. Prayed that'd I'd find ya alive and He answered my prayers. So I'm thinkin maybe it's time I give Him another chance."

River gave him one of those dazzling smiles that made his heart melt and hugged him tightly. He returned the embrace and wondered for what felt like the thousandth time how he could have gotten so lucky as to have someone like her love him.

"Not luck, my love. Fate. What was meant to be. All the bad things in both of our lives brought us here. The War, the Valley, the Academy; without them we wouldn't be here together." She said confidently.

"I think that's a good way of lookin at things." Mal replied.

"Now I think ya oughta get some sleep. I gotta go do some Captainly things and you gotta rest and finish gettin better." Mal instructed and tucked her into bed.

"Will you stay until I fall asleep? You keep the monsters away." She asked quietly.

"Course I will. Now no more talking, close yer eyes." He ordered and earned a smirk from her.

"Aye-aye Captain." She said sarcastically and then yawned widely.

Mal stretched out on the bed beside her and wrapped an arm comfortingly around her. River smiled and snuggled closer up against him laying her head on his chest and falling asleep to the comforting sound of his heartbeat.

Once River had been breathing deeply and evenly for nearly half an hour Mal eased himself away from her slowly so as not to wake her. Once he was standing he leaned over and kissed her gently on the forehead before leaving the room.

He found Zoe on the bridge. She'd taken over piloting duties since River had been injured.

"Got the course to Atlas all set?" He asked.

"Yes Sir. How's River?" She asked knowing that's where Mal had been without having to ask.

"Sleepin. Simon let her move back inta her room, don't think she's slept decently the whole time she was in the infirmary. She really hates it in there."

"Can't say that I blame her. Not overly fond of that room myself and I never had my brain cut up in one just like it." Zoe said sympathetically.

The two friends were quiet for a time, both staring out at the stars lost in their own thoughts.

"I'm glad you found her Sir." Zoe said suddenly.

Mal looked at her in surprise. It wasn't like Zoe to get sentimental.

"She's right for ya I can tell." She continued.

"Thanks Zo. You know me better than anybody so if you think its right it really must be."

Mal cleared his throat uncomfortably and said, "Well guess I better go check on things for it gets too late."

"Right Sir, good night." Zoe said sounding every bit as uncomfortable as the Captain.

Their friendship was based on a good many things, warm fuzzy conversations about feelings was not one of them.

The next week passed uneventfully as they made their way to Atlas for the drop.

The drop for once went as smoothly as Mal had predicted. Mal, Zoe, and Jayne pulled back up to Serenity afterwards in the Mule to find Kaylee and River sitting outside enjoying the sunshine.

"Everything shiny?" Kaylee asked.

"Yep, got the coin and didn't get shot." Mal replied.

Kaylee jumped out of her chair suddenly. "Simon nobody's hurt, let's go!" Kaylee yelled into the open cargo bay door.

Less than a minute later Simon walked out of Serenity carrying a blanket and a picnic basket. Kaylee happily linked her arm through his and the two disappeared into the trees.

"You feel up to takin a walk darlin?" Mal asked River after he'd helped Jayne get the Mule stored.

"Of course." River replied happily and stood up on her toes to kiss Mal before taking his hand in hers.

Mal was careful to steer them clear of the trees and towards a wide green field full of wild flowers. After a bit River let go of Mal's hand and stood with her arms outstretched and her face towards the sky. It warmed Mal's heart to see her so happy and peaceful. He gathered her into his arms and kissed her deeply enjoying the total privacy they had for once.

River was so involved with Mal that she didn't feel the man approaching until he was nearly to them.

Mal knew something was wrong when River stiffened in his arms, her fingernails digging painfully into his back. He looked up to see a man on horseback approaching. Mal's hand automatically hovered near his holster, waiting tensely for the man to make any kind of threatening move. He glanced sideways and saw that River's eyes were wide with fear and her face had taken on an ashen color. As the man grew closer he could feel her entire body shaking in fear beside him, she was trembling so hard he was afraid she was going to rip her stitches. Mal prepared himself for the inevitable badness he was positive was coming to upset River so badly.

The man however did nothing more than pass by with a pleasant nod of the head and a quiet, "Mornin." directed towards them.

Mal nodded back trying to look nonchalant. Once the man had disappeared over a small hill Mal turned to River. She had let go of his hand and was sitting on the ground with her knees pulled up to her chest and her hands covering her ears. She had her eyes squeezed tightly shut but tears were still managing to leak out and trail down her cheeks.

"River? Bao-bei? You alright?" Mal asked and hurried over to her.

The second he touched her shoulder she screamed and leapt away from him. Her eyes popped wide open and darted around in a panic. Mal hadn't seen River have an episode this badly in nearly a year, not even the one right after the rape had been so severe.

"Hey River girl. Look at me. Come on calm down. It's me Mal. You're safe alright? Right here with me." He said in a soothing tone trying to calm her down.

River however didn't seem to even hear him. She had fallen back down to the ground in the same panicked position she'd been in before. She started rocking back and forth mumbling something unintelligible under her breath. Mal stepped back and left her alone hoping that if he gave her a minute she'd calm down on her own. Five minutes later he realized that plan wasn't working, she seemed to be getting even more agitated as the seconds ticked by.

He'd never had to deal with River having an episode before, at least not on his own, Simon or one of the other crew had always been there. Mal tried once more to approach her, hoping that he could carry her back to the ship. She again screamed loudly the second he touched her, but instead of jumping away from him as before, this time she lashed out. Her foot connected with the center of his chest with more force than a ninety pound girl should have. He stumbled backwards and hit the ground struggling to pull air into his shocked lungs.

Once he was able to breathe again Mal stood up and glanced around frantically for River fearing she'd taken off while he'd been distracted with the whole trying to breathe situation. He sighed with relief when he saw her huddled on the ground behind him still rocking and muttering to herself.

Mal could see a thin line of blood on River's shirt and knew that she had ripped out her stitches like he had feared. Knowing he couldn't take anymore time to try and calm her on his own Mal pulled out his comm. unit.

"Hey Zo ya there?" He asked and waited anxiously for a reply. Thankfully he got one only a few seconds later.

"Here Sir. Everything alright?" She asked.

"No. River's havin an episode, a bad one. Simon back yet?" He asked hopefully.

"Not yet."

"Alright get a sedative from the infirmary and send Jayne out here with it. We're about half a mile south west a Serenity in a field." Mal instructed.

"You sure you want Jayne Sir? I can bring it myself." Zoe offered.

"No I think I'm gonna need Jayne ta hold her down."

Zoe was quiet for a minute and then said, "He's on his way Captain."

"Thanks Zo."

Jayne made it down to them quicker than Mal had hoped carrying the syringe in one hand.

"What set her off?" He asked after taking in River's state.

"Farmer came by on a horse." Mal answered.

"What'd he do?"

"Nothin. Just went by us is all. Don't know why it set her off so bad." Mal replied thinking back over the incident trying to determine what exactly it was that had scared her so badly. Suddenly like a light bulb going off in his head it dawned on Mal what had scared River so badly.

"Lao-tyen. I know what scared her. The guy that came by; same height, same build, same hair color as the hun-dan that raped her. Looked a lot like him. Didn't even occur to me at the time, but I'm sure soon as she saw him it brought up a whole mess a bad memories for her." Mal explained bitterly.

Jayne was silent and Mal saw him looking at River with more emotion on his face than Jayne showed for anything other than his guns.

"Gorram ruttin bastards. What kind of a liumang does something like that?" Jayne spat angrily.

"I know how ya feel, but we gotta stay calm cause she's probably feelin everything we are right about now." Mal told him and tried hard to calm his own mind.

"Alright you grab her and I'll give her the shot. Be careful; she already kicked me once and her incisions bleedin we don't wanna make it worse." Mal instructed.

Jayne grabbed River from behind, pinning her arms to her side, and Mal quickly injected her with the sedative. River fought furiously against Jayne's grip; her screams were so loud and pain filled that Mal could barely stand it. He let out a shaky sob of relief a minute later when she slumped unconscious in Jayne's arms, the sedative finally taking effect.

Mal picked her up gently and the two men began to walk back to the ship. They got back to the ship at the same time as Kaylee and Simon did. Simon ran up looking panicked when he saw River unconscious in Mal's arms. He looked even more frightened when he saw the stain of blood on her shirt.

"What happened?"

"She had an episode when we were out walkin. Had to have Jayne come down with a sedative and knock her out so's I could get her back to the ship." Mal explained as he and Simon walked to the infirmary.

"She's been doing so well. Any idea what caused it?" Simon asked.

"Some guy rode by us. He looked a lot like the man that raped her. She saw him and just lost it. Started cryin and talkin to herself. Couldn't make out most a what she was sayin, but seemed like she thought she was back in the cabin." Mal explained.

"I was afraid this might happen." Simon replied and began to pull River's shirt off to examine the damage she'd done to her incision.

"Afraid what would happen?"

"Post traumatic stress. When an individual experience something extremely traumatic it can often stay with them in their subconscious. Even when they think they're over the event, it's still in their minds. If something brings those memories up it can cause a flashback to the event. Seeing that man probably made River really believe she was reliving the rape."

"She gonna be alright?" Mal asked.

"I think so. I'll have to re-suture the incision, but it should heal up fine. The emotional trauma well that's just going to take time. She may have other episodes like this, but I think she'll continue to improve. Are you alright? You look pretty shaken up."

"Think so Doc. I just never been alone with her during an episode before. Used ta be if she got like that I'd just leave her for you to handle. Seein her that scared and not bein able ta do anything, that was one a the worst feelings I ever had. I gotta say Doc I didn't give you near enough credit for all you've done for her. Don't know how you handled all them months of her being like that all the time with out goin feng-le yerself."

Simon gave the Captain a sad smile.

"She's my sister, what else was I going to do? Are you going to be able to handle it if she has more episodes, because it's likely that she will."

"Not sayin I'm lookin forward to it, but I love that girl more'n anything in the Verse. I ain't gonna leave her when she's hurtin." Mal assured Simon.

"Well I'm all finished. Maybe you should take her to her room so she doesn't have to wake up in the infirmary." Simon suggested.

"Sounds like a good idea." Mal agreed and carried River to her room.

He lay down on the bed with her and then thought that it might not be a good idea to be so close when she woke up in case she was still frightened. He moved the desk chair next to her bed and sat down in that instead.

River woke up two hours later. She sat up and looked around in confusion at being in her room.

"Hey bao-bei it's ok. We had ta dope ya up, you had an episode." Mal explained.

"I'm sorry. I saw that man and he looked like…" River began sounding ashamed.

"I know. I put it together myself. No need ta apologize for it, you didn't do it on purpose."

"You wanted to have a nice day with me and I ruined it. I'm always doing that." She whimpered.

Mal leaned over and picked River up, sliding her onto his lap so that he could hold her closely.

"River don't worry about it. I understand what happened to ya was horrible. Its not gonna be somethin that just gets better overnight." Mal said sympathetically.

"I want to be good for you. I want to be the woman you want. Don't want to be scared if you touch me or make love to me, but I am."

"Bao-bei I ain't in any hurry. You take all the time you need. When yer ready then we'll think about movin forward, but I ain't gonna pressure you to do anything you don't want to dong-ma?"

River nodded her head and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"Bet you love havin a girl who is crazy huh?" She asked sarcastically.

"Sure I do. Makes ya all manner a interesting, keeps me on my toes." Mal said affectionately and earned himself a punch in the arm from River.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"Cap'n we gotta have one!" Kaylee whined loudly.

"No we don't gotta have one!" He retorted.

"Why not? Give me one good reason." She shot back.

"I'll give you a bunch a reasons; it's a waste of coin, it'll make a mess, you gotta water it and we don't got the water supply to spare, and it's a fire hazard! Plus we just don't need one!"

"Cap'n please?" She begged and gave him a wide eyed innocent look that tugged at his heart.

"Please bao-bei?" Suddenly there was River right next to Kaylee giving him the same wide eyed look. Where the hell had she come from?

"Now don't you two start using them girlie wiles on me. It ain't fair." Mal whined and began to back away from the dangerous duo.

"Please ai-ren, you don't want us to have to call you Scrooge do you?" River pointed out.

"Hey that ain't nice! I ain't a Scrooge." Mal complained looking hurt.

He stood fuming for a second giving the girls a stern look, but felt his resolve melting with each bat of their eyelashes.

"Fine get yer gorram Christmas tree but if we run outta water and the ship catches on fire and we all die, I get to say I told ya so!" He conceded and stomped away trying to maintain an air of authority, but realizing it was probably hopeless.

From behind him he heard the two girls squeal and begin making decoration ideas.

Mal had to turn and watch as River jumped up and down with Kaylee a bright wide smile gracing her lovely face. It had been nearly five months since she'd been raped and she was getting better everyday. True there had been a great many rocky moments, she'd had a number of episodes and panic attacks and she was stilling having problems being around strangers, but lately the haunted look in her eyes was appearing less and less.

It still amazed Mal how much he loved her. Six months ago he would never have imagined that he and River would be a couple, let alone one as close as they were. River was a constant source of amazement and joy to him. They had yet to make love and not once had it bothered him. He had promised River that he would wait until she was ready and he'd meant it. Lately she'd been hinting around that perhaps she was ready but he wasn't willing to push the issue. She was still having nightmares about the rape and he wasn't going to do anything that might hurt the progress she'd made.

Two days later Mal was regretting giving in on the Christmas tree issue. He and Jayne were both grunting and cursing as they hauled a giant Ever Green into the cargo bay of Serenity.

"So this a good place for it bao-bei?" Mal asked as they dropped the tree next to the weight bench.

River gave him a look that said he was an idiot.

"No we are not having our family Christmas tree next to Jayne's sweaty weight bench. It needs to go up by the couch in the common room." She explained like she was talking to a five year old.

"You want us to haul this heavy ass thing all the way up to the common room?" Jayne grumbled.

"Yes." Came the reply from both River and Kaylee in unison.

Both men sighed in defeat and set about lugging the tree up the stairs, knowing that they would lose this argument in the end anyway.

Everyone was banned from the common room that night as River and Kaylee worked on decorating the tree. Finally they allowed everyone in and proudly showed off their hard work.

"Oh you two did an amazing job!" Inara exclaimed as she took in the tree.

Mal didn't want to admit it, but the tree did look beautiful. The girls had used the twinkle lights from Kaylee's door to light the tree and River had drawn and cut out a number of different pictures that they had strung on bits of wire and hung up as ornaments.

"It does look wonderful." Zoe complimented.

After dinner the entire crew sat around the tree drinking wine and enjoying being in each other's company. River sat curled up in Mal's lap her head resting against his shoulder.

"Do you like the tree ai-ren?" She whispered in his ear.

"Well I hate to admit it, but it was a good idea. Makes it seem like we're a real family." Mal admitted.

"We are a real family." She pointed out like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Okay everybody remember ta get yer presents in town tomorrow, it's Christmas Eve and we're openin presents the next morning." Kaylee instructed as she and Simon headed off to bed.

Jayne followed shortly behind the couple, heading to the cargo bay to work out before bed. Mal sighed and lifted River off of his lap.

"I gotta go make sure we're all locked up fore bed." He told her and headed out of the room.

Zoe and River sat together staring at the tree.

"I'm glad you girls made Mal get a Christmas tree. Seems like the last year's been one tragedy after another, we could all use a little good cheer." Zoe remarked thoughtfully.

"I'm sorry Wash won't be with you to celebrate this Christmas." River replied reading the sad thoughts from Zoe's mind.

"Thank you. So am I. But I don't think Wash would want me to spend Christmas grieving over him."

"No he would want you to be happy." River agreed.

"How are you doing mei-mei? We haven't talked in a while." Zoe asked.

"Better thank you. Some days are harder than others, but you were right when you said it would get easier in time." River paused for a moment before saying, "Can I talk to you about something personal Zoe?"

"Of course you can."

"Mal and I we still haven't been together, in bed I mean. He's been so patient with me, but I'm afraid he's going to grow tired of not having a full relationship." River said sounding anxious.

"Do you think you're ready to take that step with him?"

"Sometimes I do, but other times I'm not sure. I want to be good, you know? I mean I want him to enjoy it and I'm afraid that I may have an episode if we go too far. I would hate to ruin things like that."

Zoe was silent for a few minutes trying to figure out exactly what to tell the younger girl. It occurred to Zoe that River had no one to speak to about sex and it made Zoe feel good that she was comfortable enough to come to her.

"Seems to me River that Mal really really loves you. If you aren't ready to take that step with him I'm sure he's willing to wait until you are. And if you think you're ready, but you have an episode he wouldn't be angry with you. Have you talked to him about this?"

"Yes he said the same things you did, but I'm still not convinced. He's a man isn't sex very important to them?" River asked innocently.

"Well yes it is important to them, but not the most important thing. Your happiness is far more important to Mal than satisfying his sex drive. Don't worry, you'll get there I promise. Just don't pressure yourself to do anything before you're ready. Trust me if you wait until you're sure you'll be glad you did. Sex can be a wonderful amazing thing when it's with the right person and at the right time."

River jumped up from her seat and flung herself into Zoe's arms. Zoe jumped in surprise a little and then returned the hug.

"Thank you Zoe for everything. I don't think I could have gotten through this without you." River whispered.

"Yes you could have, but I'm glad I was here to help you." Zoe replied.

River let go of Zoe and grinned at her. "Guess we should be going to bed, Santa is watching."

Zoe laughed and shook her head. "Guess we better."

The crew spent the majority of the next day shopping for Christmas presents. Everyone seemed excited about exchanging gifts, even Jayne.

River and Kaylee woke up early on Christmas morning and surprised everyone by making breakfast that they had purchased secretly the day before. They had real coffee, pancakes, strawberries, whip cream, real bacon, and fresh milk. The smell of the frying bacon brought everyone from their bunks and into the galley.

"What is all this?" Zoe asked smiling as she took in the spread before her.

"Christmas breakfast." River explained as she handed Zoe a cup of coffee.

Zoe took a sip and closed her eyes savoring the taste of the genuine coffee which they so rarely had.

"How did you girls afford all this?" Zoe asked.

"Been savin for quite a while." Kaylee replied as she expertly flipped pancakes.

"Do I smell bacon?" Jayne asked hopefully as he walked in.

His eyes grew wide and a large smile spread across his face when he saw the food.

"Zhen ta ma jue! Thanks girls!" He replied sincerely and then like Zoe closed his eyes and savored his coffee.

The rest of the crew had similar reactions to the breakfast waiting for them and the meal was one of the most festive they'd had in a long time. After breakfast they moved over to the common room and eagerly waited while Mal was given the job of Santa and passed out the gifts.

They had decided to play secret Santa to save on coin. It was unanimously decided that River and Kaylee should get to open their gifts first since they had planned everything.

Kaylee eagerly ripped the wrapping paper from her gift and squealed with delight at the brand new fully stocked tool box that she found inside.

"Oh this is perfect! Who is it from?" She asked.

Mal raised his hand and smiled at the obvious joy that his gift had brought his mei-mei.

"Thanks Captain, this is so shiny!" She squealed and gave Mal a giant hug.

"Ok now its River's turn." She continued and sat back down.

River opened her present more slowly than Kaylee had, but squealed in delight just like the mechanic had when she saw her gift.

"I know this is from Simon he's the only one who would have known." River said with a huge grin.

"What is it?" Kaylee asked impatiently.

River pulled a small box out of the bigger box and held it up so everyone could see. It appeared to be a music disk but everyone gave her a blank look at the name of the band.

"The Beatles? What is it sounds of bugs or somethin?" Jayne asked.

"No. They are an Earth-that-was band. River has always loved them ever since she was a little girl." Simon explained.

"Thank you Simon. It's perfect." River told him and gave her brother a tight hug.

"I'm glad you like it mei-mei. It's not just all the Beatles stuff either, some of their solo songs are on their as well." He explained.

Inara and Zoe were picked next to open their gifts, the men deciding that they should be gentlemen and let the women go first.

Inara was delighted with Kaylee's gift to her. It was a beginner's guide to shuttle maintenance and repair.

"Thank you mei-mei. I'll feel much safer now taking my shuttle out away from Serenity and the brilliant mechanic we have here." Inara said gracefully.

River waited anxiously as Zoe opened her present. She hoped that it would be well received and not make the first mate upset.

Zoe opened the gift and stared at it for a long time with no emotion on her face. Finally she stood up and pulled River into her arms, not even ashamed by the tears running down her cheeks.

"Thank you mei-mei. This is wonderful. It's amazing." She whispered.

"Can we see it?" Jayne asked impatiently, but not unkindly.

Zoe turned the package around and revealed a framed portrait of Wash that River had drawn. In the picture he was smiling brightly, two of his favorite toy dinosaurs had been drawn near the bottom of the picture. River had captured Wash perfectly even down to the mischievous twinkle in his eye. Everyone grew quiet as they took in the picture.

"Wow River that's really good. It looks just like him." Kaylee complimented.

The rest of the crew complimented River on her talent as well before returning to the gift opening.

Jayne ripped into his gift like a little boy and smiled broadly at the new gun cleaning kit that Inara had bought him.

Simon was more reserved about his gift opening like his sister had been, but was touched by the collection of Shakespeare sonnets given to him by Zoe.

"Thanks Zoe. How did you know I like Shakespeare?" He asked.

"Wasn't hard, just asked your sister. I thought the sonnets were a good choice, figured maybe you could read some to Kaylee." She said with a wink.

Mal was surprised when Jayne's gift to him turned out to be a new leather holster for his pistol; it was custom fit to his gun and had beautiful leather tooling on it. He had expected that whoever got a gift from Jayne would have gotten a hand me down knit hat from Jayne's mother, something Jayne wouldn't have to spend his money on. It was just one more reminder to Mal of just how close the crew had become and how much they had all changed for the better because of that closeness.

Once they had taken off and were flying in the Black once again Kaylee and River insisted that the festivities continue. They watched movies off the Cortex and played board games all afternoon.

At one point Simon, Mal, and Jayne exchanged a secretive glance and disappeared for awhile; insisting that the girls stay in the cargo bay where they had been playing horseshoes. The men wouldn't say where they had gone or what they'd been doing and they even made River promise not to read them so that she would be surprised as well.

Two hours later the girls realized what the men's surprise was when the smell of roasting turkey began to waft down to them from the kitchen.

"Is that turkey? Real turkey?" Kaylee asked excitedly.

"Hey you and River ain't the only ones who planned surprises for Christmas. We figured it wouldn't be a proper Christmas without a turkey dinner with all the trimmings. You can thank Zoe and Inara for chipping in the coin for it as well." Mal explained.

"You two knew what the boys were up to and didn't tell us? We women are supposed to stick together!" River insisted.

"Well we knew you two were working so hard on this special day for us. We just wanted to surprise you as well." Inara reasoned.

"I guess we can forgive ya seein as how we get a turkey dinner out of it, right River?" Kaylee asked brightly.

"Well since there's turkey." River agreed.

Late that night after the wonderful turkey dinner and more than a few glasses of wine Mal and River sat alone in the common room. They had turned off all the lights except the ones on the tree; giving the room a soft rosy glow. The couple sat curled up on the couch, not talking or moving, just enjoying being together.

"You have a good Christmas?" River asked breaking the silence after a long while.

"Best I've had since I was a little boy. Thank you for everything you did today." Mal answered and placed a kiss on River's neck, making her sigh with pleasure.

"So I gotta tell ya somethin." Mal continued.

"What's that?" She asked.

"I kinda got ya a Christmas gift even though I wasn't yer secret Santa."

"Mal, that's not fair! I didn't get you anything!" River complained.

"That don't matter none. Just saw something a while back that I really wanted ta get for you and I figured Christmas would be the perfect time to give it to ya."

"So can I open it?" She asked.

"Just let me get it." Mal replied and stood up from the couch. "Close yer eyes, I want it ta be surprise." He instructed.

River did as she was told and closed her eyes, using every bit of her will power to keep from reading Mal and ruining his surprise.

"Okay open em." He said quietly a second later.

River opened her eyes and gasped in shock to find Mal kneeling on one knee in front of her holding out a silver ring in a velvet box.

"I've said from the beginning that I don't deserve ya, but I'm willing ta spend the rest of my life tryin ta be the man you do deserve if you'll have me. River Tam will you marry me?" He asked nervously.

River couldn't seem to remember how to form words for a moment; she simply stared at him with a dumbfounded look of shock on her face.

It was when Mal began to look seriously worried that River realized she still hadn't replied.

"Oh Mal, I- of course I'll marry you!" She exclaimed and threw herself into his arms.

"Ya had me nervous there for a second." Mal replied with a relieved laugh before kissing her deeply.

"Are you sure about this ai-ren. About wanting to be with me I mean?" River asked worriedly after the kiss ended.

"Darlin I've never been so sure about anything in my whole entire life."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Mal woke up and winced at the pain in his neck from sleeping on the couch. He checked the time and saw he'd been asleep for less than an hour. Stretching he looked around for River but didn't see her anywhere in the common room. Smiling at the sight of the Christmas tree and remembering that he and River were getting married Mal rose and set about looking for his new fiancé.

_**Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise.**_

Mal started walking towards the sound of River singing and found himself outside the shower room.

_**Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Take these sunken eyes and learn to see. All your life, you were always waiting for this moment to be free.**_

Mal's breath caught in his chest as he listened to River's lovely voice as she sang in the shower. The song was one he didn't know, but so lovely and haunting that it put a lump in his throat.

_**Blackbird fly. Blackbird fly. Into the light of the dark black night.**_

River sang beautifully; her voice carrying a grace and depth of emotion that most professional singers could never hope to have. He thought back to the portrait of Wash that she'd drawn for Zoe. Then he thought of how she had danced earlier that day in the cargo bay, gracefully twirling and spinning to Christmas music. He wondered if there was anything that she didn't do beautifully. His thoughts drifted to the first day he'd met River and Simon. Simon's words flew back into Mal's head and he realized how correct her brother had been when describing her.

"_River wasn't just gifted, she was a gift."_

_**All your life you were only waiting for this moment to be free.**_

River's singing made him both sad and hopeful at the same time, it seemed like she was singing about herself or all of them really. That's what the song reminded him of. The crew and Serenity and the life they had all built together since Miranda. He was lost in these thoughts and didn't realize that River had stopped singing.

"You can come in ai-ren." She called over the sound of the running water.

Mal jumped at the sound of her voice, feeling a little foolish having been caught ease dropping.

"That's alright seein as how yer kinda not dressed at the moment." Mal said from the doorway knowing it was useless to try and pretend he wasn't there.

"Please come in." She said quietly making him strain to hear her over the shower noise.

He walked into the room trying to keep his eyes focused on the ceiling. He realized after less than a second that looking at the ceiling would be an exercise in futility and dropped his gaze to the shower. River stood under the streaming water; her skin red from the heat and steam swirling around her like fog. She smiled up at him as he stared in open awe and admiration of her naked body.

"That song you were singin?" He asked after he was able to get his breath back.

"Blackbird by the Beatles." She replied as she slowly stepped out of the water and towards him.

"That band Simon bought for ya? Mayhaps you'll have to let me listen to em sometime, that song was real beautiful." Mal continued knowing that he was babbling.

River snaked her arms around his neck and stood on the tips of her toes to kiss Mal long and deep. His body responded instantly at the feel of her warm wet flesh pressed against him through his clothes.

"I'm ready Mal. I want to be with you." She whispered into his ear before trailing her tongue down his neck and causing Mal to groan loudly with desire.

"You sure? I didn't put that ring on yer finger just so's you'd do this. I'm still willin ta wait." Mal said, but felt his resolve quickly dissolving as River's tongue continued it's exploration of his neck and ear.

"I'm sure." She replied and began to unbutton Mal's shirt trailing kisses down his chest as she slowly undid each one. After throwing his shirt on the floor behind him River pulled him under the hot shower, not caring that he was still half clothed. She quickly helped rid him of his now soaking wet pants and then stood still, gazing at his nakedness as he had done moments before to her.

Mal wrapped one hand in her hair at the nape of her neck and pulled her to him so that he could kiss her. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and he easily picked her up supporting her slight weight with one arm.

The hot water poured over them making their skin hot and slippery as their two bodies slid enticingly against each other.

"We should go to yer bunk." Mal said finally forcing his lips away from River's so that he could speak.

"We can stay here if you want." River panted.

"Nah we're doin this right the first time, in a proper bed." Mal replied. He wanted to make sure she felt completely comfortable and safe before they made love and didn't figure the shower room where anyone could walk in was the best place for that.

Without putting her down Mal shut the water off with his elbow and walked quickly out of the room, happy that the showers were so close to River's room. Since Simon spent his nights in Kaylee's bunk they didn't have to worry about being seen walking naked down the hall or being overheard.

Mal set River down on the bed gently and then locked the door behind him. He grew even harder than he had been when he gazed down at her. Still hot from the shower the water on her skin was quickly evaporating off of her in tiny puffs of steam. Something about it seemed unbelievably erotic to Mal and he had to force himself to take a deep breath and calm down, he wanted this to last and didn't want to lose control before they'd even started

River smiled sensually up at him and patted the bed beside her. Happy to obey Mal stretched out beside her and began to kiss her once again. He was determined to take his time and make sure this time to be as unlike her first experience with sex as possible. He began at the hollow just behind her ear, kissing it lightly the way he knew she loved. Mal felt River shiver with the sensation and her fingers tightened around him. Moving slowly he traced lines down her neck with his tongue, savoring the sweet taste of every inch of her.

"Wuh de ma!" Mal said suddenly and pulled away from River.

"What's the matter?" She asked looking confused.

"It's just I ain't been with anyone, well it's been a long ruttin time and I don't have any protection ya know." He said internally kicking himself for his stupidity at not being prepared.

Maybe he could go ask Jayne? Surely he would have a condom. Mal put that thought out of his head as quickly as it had come. He and Jayne may have developed an understanding and mutual respect, but they weren't that close. Asking Simon was even less of an option than asking Jayne.

"I took care of it last month ai-ren." River said smugly, enjoying the fact that she was the inexperienced one, but had been the one to plan ahead.

"Huh?" He asked.

"Started getting the shot last month." River explained.

"So we don't need ta worry?"

"No we're prepared." She assured him.

"Thank merciful Buddha for that!" Mal exclaimed and returned to kissing her neck.

Every few minutes Mal would look into River's face, checking for any sign of fear or discomfort before allowing himself to move further down her body. Her back arched and a growl of pleasure rumbled in her throat when he slid his tongue along first one nipple and then the other. He playfully licked and nipped at each breast enjoying the small moans of desire mixed with frustration coming from River.

Moving down her body Mal began kiss the inside of her thighs; starting near her knees and working his way up, savoring the delicious feel of her warm creamy skin under his lips. He mixed short punctuated kisses with longer open mouthed kisses as he moved higher and higher. River gasped loudly when his mouth found her hot center. He smiled at the sound and continued his slight teasing touches with his tongue, he brought her closer and closer to climax but would slow down every time she was nearly there.

Finally hearing her sharp cries of protest as he pulled away yet again he relented and quickened his pace against her sensitive center. She screamed loudly as an orgasm over took her. Afterward she lay there breathing heavily and smiling in dazed way.

"Wow that was…" She trailed off. For once in her life the genius was unable to find a word to describe what she trying to say.

"Guessin you enjoyed that then?" Mal asked, a proud smile gracing his face.

"Mm-hm." She hummed contentedly.

River wrapped her legs around the back of Mal's thighs and pulled him towards her. She possessively grabbed his mouth with her own and set about doing things with her tongue he wasn't aware tongues could do. She continued the tongue gymnastics down his jaw to the sensitive skin on his neck and behind his ears.

After less than half a minute he pulled her away, knowing if she continued any longer he wouldn't be able to hold on. Turning so that she was laying under him once again he kissed her as he positioned himself between her thighs. As he slowly began to ease into her he felt her fingers once again tighten against his back. He looked at her expecting to see pleasure on her face, but instead saw fear.

"Bao-bei you alright with this?" He asked and stopped moving right away.

She looked conflicted for a moment and then nodded her head determinedly.

"Yes keep going. I'm fine." She assured him, but Mal could tell she was still frightened.

"Look at me my love. Just keep looking at me. It's just you and me here." Mal comforted.

River opened her mind to Mal's and used her reading skills to feel the love and security coming from him. She continued to look into his eyes and after a moment she nodded and smiled at him.

"Really I'm fine keep going." She whispered and wiggled her hips a little making him shiver with desire.

Without looking away from her eyes Mal continued to ease himself inside of her hot wet core. He moved slowly so as not to hurt her and once he was fully inside he held still allowing her body to adjust to his size. Her eyes widened at the sensation but she didn't look scared; Mal could see a hungry anticipation in her gaze.

He began moving in a steady rhythm slowly building speed as he felt her body move to match the pace he set. Mal couldn't believe how wonderful she felt. He had been so concerned about making certain that she enjoyed herself he hadn't given any thought to his own pleasure. But the way she moved, her muscles gripping his shaft tightly, caused his eyes to roll up into his head and all conscious thought to fly out of his brain. His movements sped up and became more random as he built towards his own climax. River's second orgasm was what sent him over the edge. Her muscles clamped down around him tightly as she exploded against him. His own release occurred a fraction of a second later, his cry of pleasure mixing with hers.

Afterward they lay panting on the bed next to each other staring at the ceiling. Once he was able to breathe Mal pulled River to him and put his arms around her. She snuggled against him laying her head down on his chest and enjoying the still racing heartbeat she knew she had caused.

"You ok darlin?" He asked.

"Better than ok ai-ren, that was amazing. Is it always like that?" She asked innocently.

"Can't rightly say. That was something completely new to me." Mal replied.

"New in a bad way? Was I not good? I know I'm not an expert but…" She trailed off; sitting up quickly and looking at him with concern.

"Bad? Hell no that was better than anything I've ever had before bao-bei. In fact with you still learnin I might not survive if you become an expert." He joked and pulled her down for a kiss.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. I was worried I wouldn't satisfy you." River confided.

"I never was. Your so damn good at everything else, how could ya not be good at this too?" He teased.

He had expected a slap on the arm for his teasing and when it didn't come he looked down to find River asleep against his chest. She slept peacefully the rest of the night and Mal noted that she didn't wake up once from nightmares.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Mal and River finally emerged from her room well past noon the next day. They walked arm in arm into the galley, wearing identical expressions of bliss. Jayne and Zoe were sitting at the table when they walked in and both gave the couple an amused grin.

"Looks like ya'll had a good night." Jayne snickered and raised his eyebrow suggestively in their direction.

"You two are up awful late. Didn't get much sleep last night?" Kaylee asked with a giggle as she walked into the room.

River quickly moved to her friend and proudly showed her the engagement ring on her finger. Mal and Jayne both covered their ears against the excited squeals of the two women.

"Oh it's beautiful! I can't believe yer gettin married." Kaylee said and pulled her friend into a tight embrace. "Now if Simon could only get up the guts and ask me." She added wistfully.

"He will very soon. Waiting for the perfect time and place." River reassured her.

"Oh like on Christmas? Cap'n was smart enough to figure out that's a good time ta propose." Kaylee complained.

"Yes well Simon is a boob." River replied.

Jayne and Mal both snorted with laughter at River's comment.

"So what'd ya do after he popped the question? Was it romantic?" Kaylee asked.

"We had sex for the first time. It was very enjoyable, I had two orgasms." River answered bluntly, just as her brother walked through the door.

Simon paused and looked horrified. Jayne meanwhile was laughing so hard that he nearly fell out of his chair. Kaylee and Zoe were trying to hide their smiles but weren't succeeding.

"I'm guessin that's probably just a mite too much information fer yer brother bao-bei." Mal replied a grin on his face as well.

Simon continued to look like a fish on land, his mouth opening and closing repeatedly, as his traumatized brain tried to deal with what he'd heard.

"Ok, so I'm getting coffee and I just realized that somehow I went completely deaf for the last minute. Didn't hear one word anyone said." Simon muttered and walked to the coffee pot, shuddering visibly as he went.

"River I think ya broke yer brother." Jayne said through his laughter.

"I'm sorry Simon. It wasn't my intention to make you uncomfortable." River apologized.

"Make me uncomfortable with what? I've been completely deaf for the last minute. Remember?" He added pointedly.

"Got it, you heard nothing about my multiple orgasms." She said wickedly and then ran from the room once she saw Simon pick up a large frying pan and start towards her.

Mal left the laughter in the galley behind him and went to his bunk to get a pair of pants that weren't still set from an unexpected shower. After changing he headed towards Inara's shuttle. He stood listening at the door as she finished up a conference call with some people from the Companion's guild.

"You may as well come in instead of lurking in the doorway." She called with a sigh after she had turned the Cortex screen off.

"How'd ya know I was there?" He asked.

"You aren't as stealthy as you think you are. I heard the floor squeak and since no one knocked I knew it had to be you." Inara teased.

"Hey I am so stealthy." He protested.

"Of course you are." She placated. "So can I help you with something?"

Mal cleared his throat and looked down in seeming fascination at his boots.

"Actually I kinda wanted ta talk to ya bout somethin." He began finally.

"I'm all ears." She said with a smile.

"I just thought it would be the right thing to do if I told ya myself that I asked River to marry me last night." He blurted.

"Oh." Was all Inara could reply for a second. "Did she say yes?"

"Yeah, she did. We ain't made any plans as of yet, but I just didn't want ya hearing it from anyone 'sides me."

"Well thank you for your consideration Mal. But don't look so worried, I'm fine. Congratulations." Inara said quickly.

A little too quickly for Mal's taste. She didn't seem fazed at all by the announcement, he knew that if the situation were reversed he would have at least had some reaction to her getting married.

Mal nodded not sure what else to say. The look on her face said she was anything but ok with the situation. He turned to leave the room, anxious to get out of the suddenly tense atmosphere of the shuttle.

"Thanks Nara." He replied without turning around. He couldn't figure her out. She'd seemed ok with him and River being together before, hell she'd given him advice on the whole thing. What had changed?

Thoughts of Inara were driven from his head when he walked onto the bridge and found River sitting in the copilot chair. She'd come up to check their course setting and had stayed when she sensed him coming. She was leaning back in the chair both of her legs stretched up on the console her dress slid up leaving him a delicious view of her bare calves and thighs.

"We on course?" Mal asked after taking time to stare in appreciation first.

"Straight as an arrow ai-ren. Metaphorically speaking that is. Travel in space isn't technically straight, but we are on the most direct course. We should be to Persephone in eight days or so. Do you expect any problems with Badger?" She asked and then raised an eyebrow at the way he was staring at her legs.

"Huh? Oh Badger. Hope not seems like a straight forward job, but then again this is Badger we're talkin bout." Mal responded shaking his head to try and focus.

"You seem to have forgotten how to blink Captain. Maybe you should talk to my brother about the problem." River teased.

"Your brother is the very last person in the world I need ta be seein right now."

Mal leaned over River and kissed her deeply and then picked her up and carried her towards her bunk.

"Zoe keep an eye on things, we'll be in our bunk." Mal called out.

The second they were alone they attacked each other hungrily as if they'd been separated for years, instead of a mere hour.

Just as things were beginning to really heat up between the couple Serenity jolted wildly and nearly threw them from the bed. They both held still for a second listening to the protesting squeals of metal echoing from different parts of the ship.

"What in the gorram Verse was that?" Mal muttered as he stood up and began pulling his pants back on. He tensed up in fear when he heard a loud scream that he recognized as Kaylee's.

He continued to curse under his breath as he picked the rest of his clothes up from the floor. When he looked up he found River curled into a ball her hands tightly clamped down on her ears.

"What is it bao-bei? Give me a heads up here." Mal said gently as he stroked her back, hoping to calm her down before the episode became really bad.

River took a deep breath and pulled her hands down. It amazed Mal that he could almost see the internal struggle she was having with her own mind. He could tell she was trying so hard to regain control from the madness that wanted to claim her. Her eyes cleared suddenly and then she was River again, in control and put together.

"We're being boarded. Blue Hands are here. Simon's hurt badly." She informed him as she quickly pulled on her own clothes. After she was dressed she leaned under her bed and pulled out the gun case she'd taken to keeping there. Handing one pistol to Mal and keeping one for herself she put her finger to her lips and motioned for him to follow her as she slowly slid open the door.

They crept down the hall slowly on the look out for any sign of danger, but they saw nothing out of the ordinary until they reached the catwalk overlooking the cargo bay. Kaylee's screams had grown steadily louder as they grew closer and closer to the bay. River stiffened in horror as she looked over the catwalk. Simon lay sprawled on the floor below her, Kaylee at his side. It was easy to deduce that he had fallen over the railing when the ship was hit; making the sight so much worse was the fact that Simon had landed on the metal bar they had been using to play horse shoes the day before. The bar had pierced through his left thigh and had impaled him to the floor.

"Oh no Simon." River whimpered beside Mal. They hurried down the stairs and to Kaylee's side. Mal pulled the sobbing girl into his arms while River attempted to help her brother.

"It's all my fault. He was standing on the railing fixin a wire I couldn't reach and then we got hit and he, he…" Kaylee broke up into louder sobs and fell against Mal clinging to him desperately.

"Shhh… mei-mei. Rivers helpin him right now. But I need you to calm down and seal the ramp fore the hun-dans who are tryin to board us get locked on." Mal instructed.

Kaylee looked at him with confusion for a second and then nodded, giving Simon one last concerned look she turned to the control panel by the airlock.

Zoe and Jayne ran into the cargo bay from the bridge.

"What we got Zo?" Mal asked.

"Alliance vessel sir, fired on us took out the port side thrusters. They locked onto us bout thirty seconds ago." She explained quickly.

"Jayne go get armed. Grab enough guns for me, Zoe, and River." Mal shouted. Jayne was halfway to his bunk before Mal could even finish giving the order.

Suddenly the ship jolted again, harder and louder than before.

"Cap'n they're gonna get in. I sealed it best I could, but they were already locked on to us." Kaylee whimpered.

Mal glanced up to see Inara standing outside her shuttle looking over the scene below her with an expression of horror and shock on her face.

"What's going on?" She asked as she ran down the stairs towards them.

"Alliance vessel boarding us. River says it's the Blue Hands. Simon's hurt bad." Mal explained.

"Inara I want ya to take Kaylee, Simon, and River in yer shuttle. Get outta here, we can keep em occupied so's you all can get away." Mal instructed.

"No." River said sternly from her position on the floor next to Simon.

"River don't argue with me. We can't let em get you or Simon. You gotta get outta here." Mal replied and pulled River to her feet.

"Can't take Simon. The bar hit the artery in his leg. The bar is stopping the flow of blood. If we move him he'll bleed to death in minutes. Needs medical help as soon as we take the bar out." River explained.

Mal looked grimly down at the unconscious doctor, but didn't hesitate to make his decision.

"Leave him then. Get yerself and Kaylee onta Inara's shuttle and get the hell outta here." Mal ordered.

"Won't leave you ai-ren." River argued. Her eyes grew wide suddenly and her face paled. "It's too late anyway they're here." She whispered.

As soon as the words left her mouth the ship was wrenched horribly and the cargo bay doors began to open. Kaylee ran back to the panel and tried to override their systems, but the doors continued to open no matter what she did. Less than a minute later twenty armed Alliance soldiers ran into the room, guns drawn.

"By order of the Union of Allied Planets you are ordered to stand down." One soldier shouted to them.

"Ain't like to happen." Mal said holding tightly to the pistol River had given him.

"Then I'm like to shoot her in the head." Said the soldier Mal decided to call Soldier number one as he grabbed Kaylee by the hair and pulled her against his chest, pushing his gun against her temple.

"Stand down now!" Soldier number one shouted again and shook Kaylee roughly making her cry out.

Jayne ran into the cargo bay then covered in weapons. Another man, soldier number two, saw the large heavily armed man and panicked. He began shooting towards Jayne without waiting for an order. Mal turned in time to see Jayne take a bullet to the side and go down hard.

"Stop firing!" Soldier number one shouted.

Soldier number two immediately lowered his weapon.

"Now Captain I will give you ten seconds for you and your crew to drop your weapons and surrender or I will blow this girl's head clean off her shoulders. Dong-ma?" Soldier number one said calmly and coldly.

Mal slid his eyes sideways to River, hoping she would give him a clue as to how they should proceed. River nodded then placed her pistol on the ground and kicked it to the soldiers.

"Zoe Jayne, stand down." Mal instructed as he put his own pistol down.

"Gather them up. Restrain them, but don't kill them. They'll want them all alive." Soldier number one instructed.

The crew had their hands tied behind them and were placed in a line on their knees near the cargo bay's doors. Inara was on the far end from him, with Zoe next to her. Jayne kneeled between Zoe and Mal breathing and bleeding heavily. To Mal's left were Kaylee and then River.

Three of the soldiers stood over Simon and debated about whether or not to move the unconscious doctor.

"If you move him he'll die. That is Simon Tam, you're superiors want him alive." River warned them. They quickly moved away from Simon, all plans to pull him off the bar gone in a second at the mention of their superiors.

Out of the corner of his eye Mal saw River begin to shudder violently. He turned to her and saw that her face had turned chalk white and she was staring in horror behind the line of soldiers. Mal followed her gaze and saw two Blue Hand men walk onto his ship.

They stepped in front of the group of prisoners and surveyed them slowly.

"We've contained Subject 28 and her brother." One of them spoke into his comm. unit.

"Reclaimed Subject 28 and managed to capture a number of wanted criminals. This has been a most successful day for us. We must to remember to thank Ms. Serra properly for all her help." One blue hand man commented to the other.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Mal felt his blood run cold at those words and turned to look down the line at Inara tied up on the other side of Zoe. The rest of the crew was looking at her with expressions of betrayal and disbelief as well. Inara simply looked away and began to cry. Mal's anger at Inara was so great it was nearly blinding, he could feel his entire body shaking and blood began dripping down onto floor from the palms of his hands where his finger nails had bit into the flesh.

"It seems that young Dr. Tam has hurt himself. Put a tourniquet on his leg and get him to the med lab. We are going to want him alive, at least for awhile." One of the Blue Hands Instructed.

"It is so nice to finally meet you Subject 28. You have given our agency such a chase, won't it be nice to stop running and go home? Your mother is anxious to know that you've been brought back to the Academy." The second Blue Hand said and ran one finger down River's cheek.

Mal could see River convulse involuntarily at the touch. He wasn't the Reader she was, but even he could feel the waves of revulsion pouring off of his love.

A sharp cry of pain pulled Mal away from River's torment. Mal watched in horror as two of the Alliance soldiers tied a tourniquet tightly around Simon's thigh and ruthlessly pulled his leg off of the bar. The pain of it brought Simon back to consciousness and he looked around in confusion. The two soldiers picked him up and began carrying him towards the ship docked with Serenity, he cried out again as they jostled him carelessly.

Simon noticed the tied up crew and then Mal saw his eyes widen in horror as he saw the Hands of Blue standing in front of his sister. Simon's reaction was instantaneous and violent. He lurched out of the guards arms and threw himself at both men. His scream was so savage that Mal could barely believe it came from the Doctor. The Blue Hands were quick but they hadn't expected the seemingly incapacitated man to launch himself at them. One of them managed to step out of Simon's reach, but the other wasn't fast enough. Simon slammed him around the middle and forced the Blue Hand to the ground. The man's head connected with the floor making the room reverberate with a large metal clang.

River jumped up suddenly, in one swift move she pulled her feet through the loop created by her bound hands and was able to get her hands in front of her. Not wasting any time she spun directly from that move into a kick that hit guard number one in the throat, Mal could hear the audible snapping of the man's neck. His limp body flew backward with the force of the kick and knocked two other guards off their feet. From the kick she stepped forward and brought her tied hands around another guard's neck, cracking it as quickly as she had done with the first.

"You were supposed to restrain her completely." The still standing Blue Hand shrieked.

Mal allowed himself a fraction of a second to be amazed at the fact that his fiancé had just killed two men and taken two others down in less than five seconds, then he scrambled to his feet and threw himself into the Blue Hand. Zoe and Jayne jumped to their feet as well. The guards pulled out their guns and were ready to fire when one of the Blue Hands began screaming.

"No don't fire! We can't risk Subject 28 being hit." He shrieked.

The men instantly holstered their pistols and pulled out riot batons instead.

River assessed the situation in an instant and knew exactly where she needed to move and who to take out in which order. Using her teeth she ripped the plastic binding from around her wrists and freed her hands. She became a blur of motion as she began kicking and punching her way through the Alliance officers. She almost wanted to laugh at the fact that they had sent these boys to take her in. The arrogance of the Alliance was astounding sometimes.

The rest of the crew had tried to help, but it was obvious that River neither needed nor wanted it. Finally Mal pulled the again unconscious Simon away from the fighting and made the rest of the crew move back as well. He stood on the edge of the fighting watching carefully to make sure none of the men got the better of River but they never even stood a chance. Within two minutes every soldier was besides the Blue Hands was dead.

The two Hands of Blue had gotten up during the fight, but River had continually knocked them back to the ground. Mal noticed that she never hurt the Blue Hands she simply kept them immobilized. Finally they were the only two Alliance employees who weren't incapacitated.

River stood over the two men breathing heavily and looking far more fearsome than a girl as tiny as her should be able to look. Mal realized at that moment that he wasn't looking at the woman he was planning to marry, the woman he loved, he was looking at the weapon the Alliance had created and it was now turned loose against them. The looks on their faces said they realized this as well.

"Tell me about my mother!" River ordered.

Both men sat on the ground and stared up at River in fear, but didn't respond.

"Tell me!" She screamed and backhanded one of the men causing his nose to break.

River glanced over and saw her brother lying on the ground pale and bleeding heavily. She turned back to the men and knelt down in front of them. Smiling sweetly she suddenly looked like the young girl she was. Mal thought this look was far more frightening than the angry one he'd seen a minute ago.

"You came onto my home, you caused my brother to get hurt, and you would have hurt everyone else that I love if I hadn't stopped you." River listed in a gentle pleasant tone.

"Tell me what I want to know. You know the training I've been through better than anyone. Do you want to be on the receiving end of that training? I can keep you alive for weeks if I have to." River threatened.

The two men exchanged a look and sighed in defeat.

"Ms. Serra contacted your mother and your mother of course contacted us immediately with your coordinates." The Blue Hand on the right said.

"Does my mother know about the Academy? Does she know what was done to me there?" River demanded.

The men again exchanged a look, this one accompanied by a smirk.

"Know about the Academy? Subject 28 she designed the program. She designed it after raising you. She designed the program for you." The same man replied.

River stood up in shock and stared at the two men. Her head tilted to the side and she closed her eyes. As she read them she wasn't sure if she wanted to find out they were lying or that they were telling the truth. After a minute or so she opened her eyes, Mal could see unshed tears glistening in them.

"Your mother loves you Subject 28. If you let us take you home you can finish the program that she designed for you, to make you the very best that you could be." He continued.

"My name is River!" She screamed. She drew her pistol and fired two quick rounds, killing both the men in a split second.

After killing the men River stood over them staring down at their dead bodies. She held perfectly still, but Mal could see her muscles vibrating with barely controlled rage. He stood quickly to go to her, but before he could even take a step River shouted to him.

"Stop! Not in control. Put me out." She stammered, barely able to get the words out.

"Put you out? River no." Mal argued.

"Safe word, say it. My training dictates I eliminate any possible threat, she won't be safe until I'm out." River replied and suddenly raised the gun and pointed in straight at Inara, without turning around to see where she was aiming.

Mal was half tempted to allow her to just pull the trigger, but their history and the need for the truth prevent him from letting her kill the Companion.

Sighing heavily Mal whispered, "Eta kooram nah smech."

River's hand dropped immediately, the gun clanging loudly on the metal floor, and Mal rushed over to catch her as her legs buckled under her.

"Jayne you ok to do a little work?" Mal asked as he took in the wide stain of blood on Jayne's shirt.

"Good to go for a bit." Jayne grunted as he pulled himself to his feet.

"Need you to go with Kaylee to the Alliance ship. Watch her back while she does her thing, might be there's still some hun-dans over there need ta be dealt with."

"Kaylee when Jayne takes ya over there, you get that ship disengaged from ours. I wanna go to full burn soon as possible. You two see anything over there worth takin that you can grab quick like, get it, but hurry. There might be more coming. After ya get back put all these bodies in the airlock and space em." Mal ordered.

"Zo I'm gonna go put River in her bunk. Put her in her shuttle and lock it down so she don't go no where. Meet me back here so's we can get Simon to the infirmary." Mal continued.

Inara winced as he gave Zoe the order to lock her up. He hadn't looked at her once and he wouldn't even address her by name.

"Mal please. Let me explain about River." Inara begged.

Finally Mal turned his eyes on her. Inara winced under the sharp cold hatred directed at her.

"Don't. Don't you ever say her name again." Was all he said before turning and walking away from her.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Mal laid River gently down on her bed and stood looking down at her, trying to catch his breath and wrap his mind around everything that had happened in the last twenty minutes.

He found himself wondering what it must be like to be forced to sleep like he had just done to River. Her eyes were moving beneath their lids, making Mal assume that she was dreaming. He hoped she wasn't having nightmares that she was unable to wake from.

"Sir I need your help getting Simon to the infirmary." Zoe called impatiently from the cargo bay, pulling Mal from his thoughts.

He jogged to the cargo bay and was a little startled to see how badly the doctor was looking. There was a disturbingly large puddle of blood under his leg despite the tourniquet and his face was beyond pale.

Moving as quickly as they could without jostling the Simon too much they carried him to the infirmary. Once they had him on the table Mal and Zoe looked down at him and then at each other helplessly.

"You got any idea where we should start?" Mal asked hoping Zoe would have some clue as to what needed to be done.

"He needs blood, but don't see that it'll do him much good if he just keeps bleeding it back out. That means we gotta sew up the artery River said got hit. And as for doin that I have no idea how ta do it." Zoe replied.

"Sir maybe you should go wake River. She's a genius don't you think she'd be able to help him?" Zoe suggested.

"I don't think bringing River in here is a good idea with how she was fore I put her out. Even on her good days the infirmary can still make her have an episode, don't think she could handle it today." Mal said with regret.

"Hey Mal got somethin ya might want." Jayne called suddenly from the cargo bay.

Mal and Zoe left Simon to see what Jayne was yelling about. Jayne and Kaylee stood in the cargo bay with a man in an Alliance uniform in between them.

"Found him hidin over on the ship. He's the medic." Jayne said with a smug grin on his face.

"Get him to the infirmary now." Mal instructed.

Jayne pushed the man roughly into the infirmary and the medic looked around in fright.

"Help him." Mal ordered pointing his pistol at the frightened man.

"I can't, they'll kill me for helping you." The medic stuttered.

"What's your name?" Mal asked.

"J-Joseph." He answered quietly.

"Yer a doctor?" Mal asked.

Joseph nodded his head quickly.

"Ain't it yer callin in life to help people that are hurt? You really just gonna stand there and let a man bleed to death in front of you?" Mal reasoned.

Joseph looked conflicted for another minute and finally nodded his head and moved to the sink to wash his hands.

"Are you going to kill me after this?" He asked fearfully.

"Hadn't decided yet. You bring my hurt men through this and I'm thinkin that killlin you would be mighty ungracious of me. You help him and my merc who got shot and we'll let ya off at the next terraformed planet we come to." Mal answered.

Joseph didn't reply just nodded and set to work on Simon. After fifteen minutes of stitching the doctor pulled back and looked at the crew waiting anxiously outside.

"I got the artery sewn up and closed the wound, but he needs blood. His blood pressure is so low he could go into cardiac arrest at any time. Do you know if anyone on board is a match for his blood type?" The doctor asked.

"He's got a sister on board. You think she'd work?" Mal asked. He wasn't sure if he should tell the man about River, but realized that he had just come from the ship that had planned on capturing her. Likely he already knew about her.

"There's no guarantee that she'll be a match, but she's more likely to have the same blood type than someone not related. Hurry and get her and I'll run a quick blood test." Joseph instructed.

Mal hurried to River's bunk and found her awake and sitting up.

"Bao-bei, we need ya down in the infirmary now." Mal said.

"Simon needs a transfusion." She said reading the thoughts from his mind.

"Yes. We got the doctor from the Alliance ship working on him, but he needs blood." Mal explained and pulled her to her feet.

As soon as they walked into the infirmary River stopped short and stared at the doctor with large surprised eyes.

"Joe? I mean Dr. Thatcher?" River blurted out sounding shocked.

"River? Wuh de ma! I'm sorry I had no idea it was you they sent us to collect. I wouldn't have come if I had known." The Alliance doctor replied sounding equally as shocked as River.

The two stared at each other for another second and then fell into each other's arms, embracing tightly. Mal felt his blood boil at the sight of another man with his arms around his woman. Especially a man who worked for the Alliance.

"Take it you two know each other?" Mal asked interrupting the moment.

"Dr. Thatcher worked at the Academy. He's the only one who tried to help me. He was the one who got intelligence to the group who broke me out. Saved my life." River explained with tears in her eyes.

"You ain't Alliance?" Mal asked in confusion as Joseph quickly took a blood sample from River and ran it through the scanner.

"I was, until I went to work at the Academy. When I saw what they were doing to River and the others, what they were doing to children, I started trying to stop them. I've been working for a group trying to take down the Academy for close to six years now." Joseph explained.

He read the scanner quickly and sighed with relief.

"River you're a match for a blood transfusion. I need you to sit here and I'll get the transfusion started." The doctor instructed and then quickly inserted the needles into her and Simon.

"This must be Simon then huh?" He asked and gestured towards the unconscious man.

River nodded her head, but didn't take her eyes off of her brother.

"I was so glad when I got to work that morning and they said you were gone. I'm sorry I couldn't have gotten you out sooner. Maybe if I had they wouldn't have been able to hurt you so badly." Joseph said with regret.

"Don't worry you did more than enough and despite everything they did I've managed to find a wonderful life here." River assured him.

Mal came up behind River's chair and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"How ya doin bao-bei?" He asked meaning more than just the fact that she was giving blood.

"Haven't had time to process things yet ai-ren. Can we talk after we know that Simon will be alright?" She asked.

He leaned over and kissed her fully on the lips, the fact that he had nearly lost her today finally sinking in.

"But you didn't." She assured him reading his mind.

Two hours later River left the infirmary, she'd given Simon blood for close to an hour and his vitals had improved considerably since then. Once Kaylee had finished getting Serenity free from the Alliance ship she'd hurried to be with Simon and River left them alone, knowing her brother was in good hands with Kaylee and Joe to see to him.

Joe smiled kindly at her from the other infirmary table where he was cleaning the bullet wound in Jayne's side.

Mal was sitting at the table in the galley when she walked in, Zoe next to him, and both wearing matching expressions of worry and anger. River sank down into a seat next to him and put her head on his shoulder.

"How's Simon and Jayne?" Zoe asked.

"Both are doing well, Joe is a very good doctor." She replied with confidence.

"Can't believe you know that Alliance hun-dan." Zoe muttered.

"Please don't talk about him like that. I know you all have terrible impressions of the Academy and while it was a terrible place not everyone there was monstrous. Joe was one of those people. He helped me and was disciplined harshly because of it. If he hadn't protested many of the procedures they wanted to do I think I wouldn't have survived and if my body had my mind certainly wouldn't have. He could be a top surgeon right now if it wasn't for him trying to help me, he was demoted because of it."

"So can we trust him?' Mal asked.

"Even if I couldn't read him I would say that we could trust him. But while I was in the infirmary I took the time to read him thoroughly. I don't sense anything in his mind, but fear that you'll kill him and desire to continue trying to subvert the Alliance." River answered honestly.

"Well I guess finding' him is a piece a luck, something we don't get round here near enough." Mal replied.

"Sir what are we going to do about Inara, we can't just keep her locked in her shuttle." Zoe asked. She hated to bring the subject up but she knew it had to be done.

"Guess we need ta go talk to her. Find out what the hell she did. Bao-bei you think you can come read her while we talk, make sure she's bein honest?" He asked after taking several deep breaths to calm the fury he felt towards the Companion.

"Wouldn't be safe ai-ren. My training dictates that I eliminate all possible threats. Alliance's way of making sure none of their assassins were caught. I'm in control now, but if she did purposely turn me in, I can't say with one hundred percent certainty that I wouldn't kill her."

"You sure bout that? It be mighty handy havin ya read her."

"Slashing Jayne with the knife before we went to the hospital in Ariel, that was just a glimmer of that training. I read him and thought he may do something to turn me in, so I was forced to try and stop that threat. I don't believe I can control an order that strongly ingrained in my brain."

Mal sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, the day that had started out so well had quickly spiraled into a giant heap of lu-suh.

"Alright me and Zoe'll talk to her first try and figure out what's going on. Mayhaps we can get some information and you can read her later." Mal reasoned.

River gave him a tired smile and curled closer into the hollow of his shoulder.

"I'm sorry everything bad that happens to us is because of me." She whimpered pitifully and began to cry.

Mal opened his mouth to protest, but was beaten to it by Zoe.

"River there ain't no one on this ship who blames you for any of this. You didn't choose to have your brain messed with by the Alliance. Hell you didn't even choose to come on this ship." Zoe reasoned.

"So I guess it's all Simon's fault then?" River joked and wiped her tears away.

"Good plan, blame Simon, I like it." Mal exclaimed.

River laughed, making Mal feel his heart melt a little bit. The thought of what he and Zoe needed to go do, drove the smile from his face. He placed a kiss on top of River's head and then stood from the table, Zoe close behind him.

They found Inara huddled on her bed crying. When they entered she looked up at them with an expression of dread and hope. She opened her mouth to speak and was cut off when Mal held up a hand to silence her.

"I'm gonna let you speak yer piece because you've been a member of my crew and you deserve that much at least. But I know you're a smart lady Inara, no matter what yer intentions were you had to know calling River's mom was a bad idea. So don't expect me to just go forgiving you even if ya got a damn good excuse."

Inara nodded and sat up on the bed, wiping her face and straightening her clothing before she began.

"I didn't know what else to do. I was scared and desperate. Something happened two months ago. Remember when I had that client on Osiris for two weeks?" Inara asked.

Mal and Zoe both nodded but said nothing.

"I knew he worked for the Alliance, but I had no idea what kind of work he did. Since I was there for two weeks I was often alone in his home while he was at work. One day I was in his study working on the Cortex I accidentally knocked a stack of files off his desk and while I was picking them up one of the names caught my eye. It said Tam. I was obviously curious so I read the file. There wasn't much to it, but it did concern River and the Academy. Most of it was medical stuff that I didn't understand, but it did indicate that there were more files. I spent the rest of the week trying to find the other files. Finally the last night I was there I stole his data stick. I replaced it with a blank one and I kept his. I couldn't open any of it, it was encrypted, but a friend of mine was able to open it for me eventually. I just got the information sent to me four days ago."

"What was on the files?" Mal asked entranced by Inara's story.

"More than you can imagine. Oh God Mal can't you understand that I didn't want to do this? I care about you and River, I wouldn't have encouraged you to be with her if I didn't. I don't want to hurt River, but the things on those files. You can't imagine until you see them. The things that were done to her and what she is. She's so much more dangerous than we ever imagined, her and Simon both."

"Simon he weren't at the Academy and that man's about as dangerous as a fluffy bunny most a the time." Mal interrupted.

"He wasn't at the Academy because the program wasn't ready yet, but trust me he's every bit as dangerous as River. I didn't know who was behind the whole thing, but from what the Blue Hands said I assume it was their mother. River and Simon's parents, they aren't really their parents. River and Simon both they weren't born they were created."

"What the hell does that mean?" Zoe asked.

"Didn't you ever wonder how one family could end up with two children who were both so mentally and physically advanced?"

"Simon ain't physically advanced, he can barely hold his own in a fist fight, let alone a gun fight." Mal countered.

"That's because he never had the training River had. Have you ever really looked at him? His muscles are well developed but have you ever seen him work out with Jayne or on his own? No because he doesn't have to. He and River both are advanced beyond what any human being should be. Maybe they aren't showing that because they haven't had the training and don't realized what they're capable of."

"So why exactly did you call their mother then? You had to know it was going to send River right back to finish that training." Zoe asked.

"I didn't know she was involved in it. I thought she had been horribly tricked and I wanted to see if she could tell me something about them that might help. I didn't want to tell you about any of this until I knew for sure that I had to. You seemed so happy with her and I didn't want to be the one to tell you…"

"Tell me what Inara? Just spit out whatever yer tryin ta say."

"River and Simon are genetic experiments. Their genes were manipulated before their birth to make the stronger and smarter than regular humans. They were created in a lab and implanted in surrogate mothers. Gabriel and Reagan Tam were given them to raise, but I really thought they were innocent victims in this. Duped into adopting children without being told what they were. I was wrong, I'm sorry." Inara finished and began to cry again.

As much as Mal wanted to remain angry at Inara he could kind of understand where she was coming from. That plus the fact that his brain was completely confused by everything Inara had told him, made him really want to just lie down and sleep for a week or so.

"You should have come to me Inara. You should have told me before you did anything else." Mal lectured, but this time less harshly.

"I know Mal. I'm sorry. I was scared and confused and I really thought her mother could help or would at least want to know." Inara replied through her sobs.

"I need to see those files Inara." Mal told her.

Inara's eyes opened wide and she shook her head back and forth.

"Mal you don't want to see them. If you see what they did to her, it will haunt you forever."

"Might be that's true, but I still gotta see them. I love her and I owe her that much." Mal whispered, already dreading watching the vid. files that Inara began pulling out of her desk.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Mal was relieved when he found River asleep on the sofa outside the infirmary. The stress of the day coupled with giving Simon blood had driven her past the point of exhaustion and Mal figured she didn't need to hear about the files that night. Mal covered her with a blanket and then asked Zoe to lock down the ship for the night. After locking the hatch to his bunk Mal sat on his bed and tried to calm himself before uploading the files Inara had given him.

The data stick was nearly full most of the files were medical reports that were as incomprehensible to Mal as ancient Greek. He spent an hour scanning the medical files, most of them concerned River, but a fair number of them were about Simon as well, making him believe Inara's story even more. He was nearly ready to give up and leave the files for Simon to read when one caught his eye. R. Tam sessions was the name of the file and it appeared to be one of the largest files of them all.

He uploaded the file quickly and was startled when River popped up on the screen. This was a River Mal had never seen before. Not only was she much younger than she was now, but this was a River before the Alliance had gotten to her. She was so calm and put together and there was a clarity and innocence in her eyes that Mal had never seen before. Watching her like that brought a lump to his throat and gave him just one more reason to hate the Alliance. He had never wanted anything so badly as to kill the hun-dan who sat across from her in the video, the doctor who was tricking her, using her desire to learn to trap her.

_Would I still be allowed to dance? _Young River asked hopefully and Mal felt his heart break a little more for all that his love had lost at the hands of the Alliance monsters.

He watched the video for hours, staying awake all night to do so. It was harder than he'd ever imagined it would be, watching River's descent into madness. As the hours drug on Mal watched the young River grow older and steadily more unstable. He watched as the hope faded from her eyes as time had gone on. She talked often about Simon and her belief that he would come for her. She spoke of him less and less the further he got into the file, the hope of rescue fading from her eyes. There were times that her despair on the video was so palpable Mal wished he could reach through the screen and comfort her, hating the fact that she had suffered so much. He found a new respect for Simon that night seeing the sister he had lost and the one that he had found so changed from the bright carefree girl she had been.

He came to the end of the video just past breakfast time the next morning. He watched in a fascinated horror as River completed her first assignment and killed the doctor who'd spent so much time interrogating her in that drab room. Mal wasn't sure if it was an actual assignment that she'd been given or a fabricated one that her broken mind had created, but either way Mal felt his blood run cold as he watched the precise and efficient way she killed him. That file was the last one and Mal wondered if it was because they had simply stopped trying to talk to her or because Simon had gotten her out right after that.

Once the screen was blank Mal sat still trying to absorb everything he had just seen. Waves of nausea washed over him as he thought back over all that he'd just seen.

His thoughts drifted to the other things that Inara had told him, that Simon and River had been created. He wanted to deny the fact that it could be true but a horde of memories invaded his brain and wouldn't let him dismiss the idea. He thought back over the way River had moved in the Maidenhead. True she'd obviously had combat training, but some of the things she'd done had seemed beyond human now that he thought back on it with that in mind. The fact that she'd single handedly killed so many Reavers was just one more piece of evidence. Once he allowed himself to think on it he realized that Simon had done things that seemed beyond human as well. After Miranda it had been less than a week before Simon was up and walking. There had been far too much going on at the time for Mal to think that was odd, but he'd never seen anyone recover so quickly from being gut shot.

An hour later Mal finally felt ready to leave his bunk and check on his crew. He hadn't locked Inara in her shuttle the night before but he had warned her to remain there until he could talk to River. Jayne was still asleep in his bunk and Mal left him alone figuring that since he'd been shot the day before he deserved a day to sleep in. Zoe was on the bridge in Wash's chair when Mal walked onto the bridge.

"Everything ok this morning Zo?" He asked as he walked up next to her.

"I suppose so sir. Everyone's accounted for and the Alliance hasn't caught up with us. Don't think they had enough time to call in for back up before River took em out." Zoe said hopefully.

"Good, hope it stays that way. What'd you do with the doc River knows?"

"Gave him a passenger dorm." Zoe answered.

"You just gave an Alliance doctor a nice cozy room and left him be?" Mal asked thinking Zoe was usually more cautious than that.

"Locked him in a passenger dorm after I disabled the comm unit." Zoe added giving Mal a smug look.

"Knew there was a reason you're my first mate." Mal complimented and laid a friendly hand on her shoulder.

"You seen River this morning?" Mal asked.

"She and Kaylee are in the infirmary with Simon."

"Thanks." Mal responded and hurried to the infirmary.

The first thing he heard from the infirmary was loud laughter, which surprised the Captain considering what had happened the day before. Simon was sitting up in bed when Mal entered the room. His face was still extremely ashen but Mal figured he looked pretty good for a man who just the day before had taken a swan dive off a catwalk onto a metal pole.

Kaylee and River were standing on either side of him and Joe was standing near them as well, all four of them had large smiles on their faces.

"What's so funny?" Mal asked trying to sound light and at ease.

"Oh Joe was just tellin us a story about River at the Academy." Kaylee said through her laughter.

"And it was a funny one?" Mal asked disbelievingly.

"Yeah she slipped a buncha the docs somethin to make em puke. Guess ya kinda had ta be here for the story but it was funny." Kaylee explained.

"I'll take yer word for it." Mal noticed that River's smile had evaporated from her face the moment he walked through the door and was replaced by a look of absolute terror.

"Kaylee, Joe ya mind given me a minute alone with River'n Simon?" Mal asked.

Kaylee glanced at River's face and quickly nodded hurrying from the room with Joe on her heels.

"Did you speak with Inara?" Simon asked. Mal could hear the anger and distain dripping from his voice.

"Yes. Now don't think I'm defendin her or nothin cause what she did was stupid and thoughtless, but I also don't think she did it to get River caught. Seems Inara had a client a few months back who worked for the Academy. She managed ta steal a whole data stick worth of information about River and you." Mal explained.

"About me? What did it say?" Simon asked.

"I'm thinkin yer gonna have to read em cause it's all medical stuff I didn't understand most of it. I didn't have much time to look through it and try to decipher what the files said."

Simon nodded; the look on his face fell somewhere between confusion and hope. He had always wanted to find information about what the Academy had done to River and it seemed like maybe now he had that information in his hands.

"So why exactly did Inara call our mother? It makes no sense." Simon asked.

"Seems some a the stuff she found in the files scared her pretty bad. She was confused and didn't want to tell any of us what she'd discovered. She thought maybe yer ma could help. Inara swears she didn't know yer ma was involved with the Academy."

"What exactly scared her so badly that she felt her only choice was to try and get help from my mother?" Simon asked not ready yet to let go of the anger he was feeling towards the Companion.

"Maybe you should go through the files and decide for yerself. I don't know if what she told me is even close to bein the truth." Mal suggested.

"How about you just tell me what Inara said? I'm not exactly up for studying complicated medical files right now, what with the whole getting impaled thing." Simon joked sarcastically.

Mal sighed in frustration. This was not a conversation he wanted to be having. He glanced over to River and saw that she still had that look of terror on her face. It was then that it occurred to him that River most likely knew what he'd seen the night before. Mal thought back to when he'd been in an Alliance prison after the war and he remembered the things done to him. He wasn't sure how the hell he would feel if River was given tapes of that to watch. He walked to River and slipped his hand into hers, trying hard to keep only his love for her and understanding in his mind. River squeezed his hand in return and offered him a small tight smile.

"Seems that the info in them files says that you and River's parents aren't really your parents." Mal began.

"Not our parents? But that's not possible." Simon protested.

"If yer gonna argue with everything I say this is gonna take a long time." Mal lectured and Simon immediately shut his mouth.

"So from what Inara gathered you and River were both Alliance experiments. Messed with yer genes or something ta make you stronger and smarter. Said yer parents were given ya after you was born." Mal explained knowing how ridiculous it sounded.

"But that's impossible. I mean for one thing I was ten years old when River was born. I remember our mother being pregnant with her. Plus I'm not faster or stronger than any other person, maybe a little smarter, but intelligence runs in our family. And I've done full blood work ups on every member of this crew. If River and I had our genes manipulated don't you think I would have seen something in our blood?" Simon finished and laid his head back, the rant had taken a lot out of him.

"I don't know about all that Simon. I'm just tellin' ya what Nara told me." Mal said defending himself.

"Fake it was all fake. We're fake." River mumbled under her breath.

"Mei-mei don't say that. It's not true. I'm sure of it." Simon comforted.

Mal wrapped an arm around River and pulled her to him, he could feel her shoulders shaking slightly beneath his arm. River stiffened suddenly in his arms and pulled away quickly running from the room. Mal turned to follow her and then figured he should probably tell Simon what else he had seen on the data stick.

"Doc I gotta tell ya what else I saw in them files. Think its what's upsetting her right now." Mal said uncomfortably.

"Something worse than telling us we're genetic freaks created in a lab?" Simon asked.

"There's a whole file of River at the Academy, video of her."

"What kind of video?"

"Just her in a room talkin with some doctor. The video starts before she started going to the school and the last one…"

"The last one what?" Simon asked impatiently.

"She killed the Doc, the one who did all the interviewing. Stabbed him in the neck with a pen." Mal finally managed to spit out.

Simon was silent for a few minutes trying to absorb everything.

"I want to see the videos." He finally said.

"Maybe you should ask yer sis first. I'm thinkin' I shoulda done the same before I watched em. The videos are horrible, watching her get worse and worse and knowing what they were doin to her. Could barely stomach it myself." Mal grimaced.

"I still want to see them. But maybe you're right it should be River's decision." Simon acquiesced.

"I'm gonna go check on her. You gonna be alright?" Mal asked.

"I'm not sure. It's been a very strange few days." Simon replied.

Mal turned away from the doctor to leave the room, but stopped and turned back.

"You think yer mom would do that? I mean you think it's possible that she was behind the Academy?" Mal asked.

"I wish I could say no, but I really don't know. I never could understand my parent's reluctance to see that River was in trouble. It was obvious that something was wrong with the Academy, but they were so unwilling to listen. Maybe that's because they were perfectly aware of what was going on the whole time."

"But could yer ma even be behind something like that? What did she do for a living?" Mal asked realizing how little he knew about the people who would one day be his in-laws.

"Both my parents were in the medical field and worked for the Alliance. My fathers had a general practice and my mother mainly worked in research."

"Genetic research?" Mal asked.

"I don't really know. She really didn't talk about her work, but mainly she was involved in immunization research. Finding cures for diseases."

"Sounds like noble work." Mal complimented.

"Unless it was all a lie." Simon replied bitterly.

Mal wanted to say something to comfort Simon, but could honestly think of nothing that would help.

"Look I'll bring up the files so you can go through them when you feel up to it. You should talk to that Alliance doc that River knows from the Academy. It's likely he'll have some information." Mal suggested.

He found River in the cargo bay, huddled inside one of the secret holds; like she had been apt to do before Miranda.

"Hey there bao-bei whatcha doin in here?" Mal asked and climbed into the hold with her. 

River didn't respond or acknowledge his presence in any way. It scared Mal to see how much she looked like she had in her worst days.

"Come on River we need ta talk about this." Mal pleaded and pushed her hair out of her face so that he could see her eyes.

"We were so happy last night. Now it's all gone." She whispered.

"Hey I don't wanna hear you say that ever again. Nothings changed tween us dong ma. You and me are still the same as we were last night." Mal assured her.

"You won't want her anymore. She's a freak, not a real girl."

"River it don't matter what them files say, I know who you are. Wherever you came from, you're here now with me and that's all that matters."

"You watched the tape, doesn't it scare you? You saw what they did to me and what I did to them." River asked.

"The hun-dan deserved it bao-bei. They all deserved so much more than that. I'm glad ya killed him."

"I don't remember it. Not really. Much of my time at the Academy is a confused blur." River explained.

"Simon wants to watch the files. You think that's somethin' you might let him do?" Mal asked.

"I don't want him to see me like that, but I think he deserves to see it. He sacrificed so much to get me out. I want him to know what it was that he saved me from." River said thoughtfully.

"What about Inara? Do you think it's safe for her to be around you?"

"Yes. She wasn't trying to be malicious she was simply scared. I don't blame her for that."

River crawled over to Mal and curled herself into his lap, drawing strength from his mind.

"What do we do now?" She asked sounding more like the River he loved so much.

"Stay in the Black for as long as we can. The more we move the less chance there is for the Alliance to catch up with us. I say we let Simon go through the files and make a decision once he's done. You want me to drop Inara at the next planet we come to?"

River gave Mal a surprised look.

"You would do that?" River asked.

"Well I wouldn't like it, but I can understand if you couldn't have her onboard anymore. She did something that nearly got yer brother killed, you sent back to the Academy, and the rest of us arrested. If you can't forgive her for that it wouldn't be a surprise."

River contemplated Mal's words for a moment before answering.

"I wish her to stay. She contacted my mother out of fear and the desire to help. And she risked her job and her freedom to steal the information that she believed would help me. I can't forget that. Everyone makes mistakes. Even the terrible ones deserve to be forgiven."

Mal smiled and kissed River gently.

"Ya know River Tam you are one amazing woman. You know that? Can't wait for ya ta be my wife."

"Even if I'm not real?" She asked.

Mal leaned over and pinched her arm, not enough to bruise but hard enough to make her jump.

"Ow!" She yelled and gave him an annoyed look.

"Ya seem purty damn real ta me. No matter how you were made or who did the making don't matter none ta me. I know exactly who ya are. Yer my girl and that's the only thing that matters to me." He whispered gently and pulled her in for another long kiss.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

"Thank you for all your help." Simon said as he shook Joe's hand.

"I just wish I could have done more for River at the Academy. If it wasn't for her I never would have had the courage to go against the Alliance." Joe replied and returned the hand shake warmly.

Joe walked from the infirmary and to the cargo bay where River and Mal stood arm in arm waiting to bid the doctor farewell. They were docked on Athens, Mal had figured it was a planet far enough away from Alliance control that they could safely let the doctor disembark, but civilized enough that he would easily be able to find passage back to the Core.

"I am truly sorry about all of this Captain." Joe said as he prepared to leave Serenity.

"Can't say it's been the best week we've ever had, but it weren't yer fault. Thank you for everything ya did for River, I'm in yer debt." Mal replied.

Joe hugged River tightly before leaving Serenity. They didn't say anything to each other, there wasn't a need. He turned to walk from the ship and then turned once to give River a smile and wink.

"You've got yourself an amazing woman Captain. Take care of her." He advised and then walked away before Mal could respond.

Once Joe was out of sight Mal turned and pulled River into his arms for a long and deep kiss.

"I know I ain't no reader like you, but I'd say that man is sweet on you." Mal said and nodded in the direction Joe had walked.

"Yes he is, but there is too much in the past for us to have ever been anything besides friends. Besides why would I want an Alliance doctor when I have my own space pirate?" River giggled flirtatiously.

Mal returned her smile and kissed her again. He was relieved that her fears and episodes from the past week had all but disappeared and she'd returned to the generally happy River she'd been before the Blue Hands had come back into her life.

"Ya know I think my bunk is gettin awful jealous. Every time we've been together has been in your bunk and the bridge that one time. My bed is feelin all kinds a left out." Mal said as he trailed kisses down her neck and shoulders.

"Well we certainly wouldn't want your bunk to develop and inferiority complex." River agreed and pulled him towards his bunk.

They took their time making love, enjoying the feeling of giving and taking pleasure from the other. They had been together a few times during the past week but it had been rushed and more of a stress reliever than an expression of love. This time however they both made it last as long as possible and reveled in the passion they created together. Afterwards they lay wrapped in each other's arms enjoying the comfortable silence that only those in love can create.

Reluctantly Mal rose from the bunk an hour later and began to get dressed.

"Sorry bao-bei but I gotta go talk to Zoe about getting a job." Mal said regretfully wanting nothing more than to return to the warm nest of blankets and River's even warmer skin.

"No need for an apology, I have things I need to do as well." River assured him as she began to pull her own clothes on as well.

Mal and Zoe spent a good hour running through possible contacts they had for a job on or near Athens. Zoe had a few contacts that she was going to speak with the next day and hopefully find them a transport job of some sort.

After leaving Zoe on the bridge Mal walked the halls of Serenity. He stopped outside the infirmary and glanced in the window to see Simon bent over a microscope.

"Hey Doc. You really think you should be up and about already?" Mal asked.

"Normally I'd say no, but with what I've found out I'm sure it won't hurt me to be out of bed." Simon replied without looking up from the microscope.

"So you been through the medical files then?" Mal asked the back of Simon's head since he still hadn't looked up from his work.

"Yes. Although I should probably go through everything again before I make any real conclusions."

"What about the videos of River? You watched them yet?" Mal asked.

For the first time since Mal had entered the infirmary Simon looked up and met his eyes.

"Not yet, part of me really wants to see them and a part of me wants to pretend they don't exist." Simon admitted.

"I can understand that. So what did you find out going through all the other files?" Mal asked.

Simon was silent for so long that Mal thought he wasn't going to answer him. Finally Simon let out a ragged breath and turned to look at Mal.

"It's true about River and I being experiments. They hid it very well, nothing shows up on a regular blood scan. I had to run a DNA scan to find anything abnormal. They changed the very base of our genome structure." Simon explained.

"Wish that made even one lick a sense to me." Mal replied.

"Well you know what DNA is right?" Simon asked.

"Yeah the basics of it." Mal answered.

"Well the human genome is the small part of a DNA molecule which carries our genetic information. It basically is what makes us who we are individually. Well in DNA there are genomes that are coded and genomes that are non-coded. Coded genomes are functioning sequences of DNA and non-coded are pieces of DNA that don't have a function. Of all the genomes in the human body only 1.5 of genomes are coded."

"So out of our DNA less than 2 is functioning?" Mal asked.

"Exactly. It's been a mystery for hundreds of years why so much of our DNA is not used, it's known as junk DNA." Simon continued.

"Junk DNA? Seems kinda feng-le that we got so much inside us that we don't use. So as interesting as this science stuff is what's it got to do with you and River?" Mal asked.

"Well once I ran the DNA sequencing on River I found out that nearly half of her genomes are coded. Roughly 47 of her DNA is functioning. I haven't even wrapped my mind around all that this could mean, but as a doctor this is the most exciting discovery of my career. The fact that it's my sister and I is honestly freaking me the fuck out." Simon said and gave Mal a wry smile.

"So what does it mean that she's got all this working DNA?" Mal asked fascinated despite his usual resistance to medical conversations.

"I'm not exactly sure without running more tests, but what Inara gathered from her friend is true. More working DNA means the organism will be faster, stronger, and smarter. I would also be willing to bet that things like recovering from injuries and illness are much faster in River as well." Simon said actually sounding excited and enthusiastic for the first time in days.

Mal took time to think everything through, his mind was again running through a multitude of memories, but one thing kept returning to the front of his mind.

"Ya know Doc when she and I were out in them woods, after that bastard raped her, they left her outside. I have no idea how long I was out, but I do know it took me a least two hours ta track her down. She was naked, outside, at night, and the temp had to be below freezing. If she didn't have that super DNA she'd a died wouldn't she?" Mal asked.

"I can't say for sure, but yes she probably would have. When you told me the story before I just thought that maybe you'd thought it took you longer to find her than it really did. She never talked to me about it and with you being as sick as you were I just figured you were confused. But if it was really that long then yes I'd say she would have died if she was normal."

"Then I guess I gotta be kinda thankful for what the Alliance did to her." Mal commented thoughtfully.

"So you've been talkin about River's DNA, what about yers? You run tests on you too?" Mal asked.

Simon swallowed thickly and gave Mal a wide eyed look that reminded him very much of River.

"Yes I ran the DNA scan on my blood as well." He replied uncomfortably.

"Well did they mess with yer DNA too?"

"They did, even more than they did to River's. If my scans are correct 68 of my genomes are coded."

Mal still wasn't completely sure what exactly this meant for the Tam siblings or the crew in general, but the look on Simon's face said it was probably something big.

"So are you and her in danger from this DNA stuff? I mean if humans only have a little of their DNA coded maybe there's a reason for it." Mal asked, his concern for River always at the front of his mind.

"Well messing with DNA like that can cause severe mutations which could result in physical and mental deformations and likely death. But that's all stuff that would be apparent at birth. If something was wrong with either of us it would have presented itself by now. Its really sad thinking about what the Alliance must have done to make River and I."

"How so?" Mal asked.

"I would say River and I were the successes of their experiments or else they wouldn't want her back so badly. Think of how many failures they must have had. How many innocent children were created and then died because of complications in their DNA."

Mal felt the familiar rush of anger he usually got when confronted with the depth of the Alliance's evil. The fact that they would be so willing to create and destroy lives for their own benefit was just one more example of how far the Alliance was willing to go to achieve their goals.

"How come the Alliance ain't after you? I mean how come they didn't do the experiments on you that they did on her?" Mal asked.

"They are after me remember I'm a wanted fugitive." Simon pointed out.

"Yeah but ain't that cause you broke her outta the Academy?" Mal asked.

"Maybe that's what they want people to think."

"Good point, but still how come they didn't experiment on you like they did on her?" Mal asked again.

"It's one of the basic ways of running an experiment. You perform the tests on one subject and leave the other alone to let it develop naturally. If the Academy program wasn't ready by the time I was old enough to go there then it makes sense that they would leave me alone and send River." Simon explained sadly.

"But wasn't River always smarter than you? If you got a lot more a this workin DNA than she does, shouldn't you be smarter." Mal asked bluntly.

"Theoretically yes, but like I said I'm going to need to run a lot more tests before I can even begin to understand what all of this means." Simon said and turned back to his microscope.

"Hey you feel like takin a break from this and gettin' drunk with me?" Mal asked suddenly.

Simon looked at Mal and gave him a surprised smile. While they were getting along better now, Simon still hadn't thought they were close enough to be drinking buddies.

"I guess I could use a break. We got anything but Kaylee's engine wine to drink?" Simon asked.

"Matter o' fact I got a nice big bottle of plain old fashioned whiskey I picked up last time we were planet side." Mal replied.

Simon gave him a broad smile. "Thank Buddha for that." He joked and grabbed his crutches to follow Mal to the galley.

River smiled as she watched her two favorite people walk to the galley together. It warmed her hear to think of her brother and her future husband becoming friends. Neither of them had any close male friends on board and River figured it was good for them to have some male bonding time.

Guessing that they would be busy for at least a few hours, River knew she had the perfect opportunity to do something she'd been planning on doing for days. She walked silently to Inara's shuttle, quickly disengaged the lock, and slipped inside. Inara was in the shower when River entered so she sat down on the bed to wait for the Companion to return.

When Inara walked out of her shower a few minutes later she startled slightly to see River sitting quietly on her bed. She'd remained in her shuttle for most of the past week in order to avoid the crew, especially River.

"River um what are you doing here? I mean is there something I can help you with?" Inara babbled.

"I thought that perhaps it was time for you and me to talk." River said quietly.

Inara gave River a scared uncertain look but nodded and sat down on the couch opposite the bed.

"I suppose we should talk." Inara agreed. "Would you like some tea?"

"No thank you. I don't plan on staying long." River said and then sat back and watched Inara without saying another word.

Inara busied herself making a cup of tea, feeling the need to have something to do with her hands.

"Look River I'm so sorry for what happened. I know it was stupid and thoughtless of me, but I was only trying to help." Inara said finally when she could stand the silence between them no longer.

"I forgive you for your actions Inara. You did something very brave which could have put you in grave danger by stealing that data stick. I appreciate the chance you were willing to take on my behalf." River responded.

Inara smiled gratefully as she sat down and began to sip her tea.

"Is there anything else you wanted to talk to me about?" Inara asked when River showed no signs of leaving.

"Yes I want to talk to you about your feelings for Mal." River said bluntly.

"My feelings for Mal, I don't have, I mean we aren't, not anymore." Inara stammered.

"I know that the two of you are no longer contemplating being together, but I am a reader and I can sense your feelings for him as clearly as if you were screaming them out at the top of your lungs. You love him. You may not want to admit it to yourself, but you do love him. You try to deny the feelings, you even helped him to be with me to prove how much you didn't care for him. But the simple truth is this; you love him and you're very angry that he is with me and not you." River informed the startled Companion.

"River I don't love Mal. Not anymore and I'm certainly not angry that he is with you." Inara argued.

"You may not want to admit these feelings, but they are present. I'm sorry that my relationship with him has hurt you, I truly am. It's time for you to stop denying your feelings or the actions they've caused you to take. You stole that data stick in hopes that you would find something that would make Mal not want to be with me. You hoped that he would discover something so horrible that he would end our relationship. And you called my mother hoping that she would want me back and come take me home. You may not have realized that these motivations were driving your actions but they were present and because of them people we both care about were hurt and I was forced to kill many men." River said still sounding every bit as calm as when she'd begun.

"No I wouldn't do that! I would never hurt anyone just to make a man mine!" Inara yelled denying River's accusations.

River stood up, walked to the couch, and sat down so that she and Inara were only inches apart.

"It's time for you to let him go Inara. Move on with your life and forget about what could have been between you and Mal." River ordered softly.

"Quit telling me what to do! I'm so tired of you thinking you know everything about everyone just because you're a reader. Get the hell out of my head!" Inara yelled her normal calm grace having completely disappeared.

"Very well than I'll tell you what I think you should do as a woman, not as a reader." River replied, not the least bit fazed by Inara screaming in her face.

"Leave Mal alone. He is not yours, he never was, and he never will be. Get over the humiliation of knowing that you lost him to a crazy girl and let it go." River said coldly.

She stood and walked to the door of the shuttle, but turned around once before leaving. Inara still sat on the couch shocked into silence by River's harsh words.

"Inara I don't wish to hurt you, but we have to have some things straightened out if we're both going to remain on this ship. Mal doesn't know that you had hoped to get rid of me and I won't tell him, but if you ever try something like that again I will kill you." River warned and walked from the room, leaving Inara to stare after her with wide frightened eyes.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A/N- My knowledge of DNA is coming from Biology 1010 that I took two semesters ago. It's probably not at all correct so just go with it and pretend I'm a genius ok?


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

River walked away from Inara's shuttle feeling both lighter and more burdened at the same time. She was relieved that she'd talked to Inara and left nothing out. But it hurt her to know that she'd had to threaten one of her crew members, since Serenity they'd become something of a family and River hated to think that her and Mal's relationship was driving a wedge into that family.

Feeling the need to be cheered up River made her way to the galley and found, not only her brother and fiancé drunk, but Jayne as well. The three men were laughing loudly and attempting to play cards, the large bottle of whiskey was already half empty and they'd only been drinking for half an hour.

"I raise yer dishes and see ya trash detail." Jayne said confidently.

"I'll right." Simon slurred as Mal folded and they put their hands on the table.

"Son of a whore! I just lost to the Doc, me Jayne Cobb, lost to the Doc. When in the ruttin hell did you learn ta have a poker face?" Jayne grumbled as Simon gleefully collected the small slips of paper with the list of chores he wouldn't have to do on them.

"May I play too?" River asked.

Mal playfully grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap.

"Ya ever play poker before?" Mal asked and kissed her neck.

"No. Is it difficult?" River asked.

"Nah. I'm sure you'll get the hang of it right quick." Mal replied as she slid off of his lap and into a chair.

"Come on Mal that ain't fair. We can't be playin with a gorram mind reader. How the hell we gonna win?" Jayne complained.

"I will not read anyone's mind during the game." River promised as she took a swig of whiskey.

"Fine you can play." Jayne relented.

They played for two hours. All four of them getting drunker and drunker as the night wore on. Finally after River won yet another hand all three of the men threw down their cards in annoyance.

"You gotta be readin us! How else can you be winnin every gorram hand?" Jayne asked in frustration.

River hiccupped and giggled, she honestly couldn't understand why the three men were so perplexed.

"I don't understand why you keep losing. It is an easy game, you simply compare what cards have been shown already with the odds of what cards are still in play and bet accordingly." River explained.

"River are you counting cards?" Simon asked after he absorbed what she was saying.

"I don't know what counting cards is." River slurred and fell against Mal's shoulder.

"You've been keeping track of what cards we've all thrown down during previous hands so you know what cards are still left in the deck?" Simon explained.

"Yes isn't that the point of the game?" River asked.

All three of the men groaned loudly.

"You ain't supposed ta remember what cards we already used. Yer just supposed to try and get the best hand ya can and read the other players ta see if you can tell whether or not you can beat em" Jayne explained.

"But I thought I wasn't allowed to read anyone during the game." River said.

The three men groaned again and Mal began gathering up the cards.

"I'm thinkin poker ain't a game for River." He said and laughed.

"So if you don't read minds or remember the cards you are supposed to bet purely on your own hand and on chance? That seems like a difficult game." River pondered to herself.

"That's kind of the point mei-mei." Simon whispered.

"Hey Mal I got an idea." Jayne said suddenly.

"Well that can't be good." Mal replied.

"We ain't but three days from Draco." Jayne said.

"That's not an idea Jayne, that's what we call a fact." Simon inserted and received an annoyed glare from the merc.

"And just so happens Draco has a big ass gambling district. We could take River in and have her clean up." Jayne said proudly.

Mal started to protest the idea, but stopped as he began to consider the idea. Draco was a fairly civilized moon. It was likely the casino wouldn't be too rough a place, not that River couldn't handle herself in a rough place. And it wouldn't be like they were doing anything illegal, well too illegal anyway. She could play just long enough in each casino to turn a profit and then move on before anyone got suspicious.

"What do you think bao-bei? You think you could play this game for money?" Mal asked.

"Yes, but it would be cheating." River answered.

"True, but it ain't like we ain't done illegal jobs before and this would be stealin from a big casino, they cheat people out of money all the time." Mal said evenly.

"Logical point, very well I would be happy to play cards for money." River agreed.

Mal noticed the wary look on Simon's face just then.

"This plan ok with you Simon?" Mal asked.

Simon gave him a shocked look of disbelief.

"You're asking my opinion on a job? Seriously?" Simon asked.

"Well if you don't want me askin yer opinion…"

"No, just surprised is all. She won't be going in to the casinos alone will she?"

"Don't worry Doc, I'll stay with her the whole time. Figure we could pretend ta be newlyweds, on our honeymoon, doin a little gambling. If it just so happens the little Mrs. has some beginners luck at poker well all the better for us." Mal explained.

"That sounds like a very good plan ai-ren. Just one thing." River said sweetly.

"What's that bao-bei?" Mal asked.

"If you call me the little Mrs. again I may have to break your arm, alright?" River said every bit as sweetly as before.

Mal's smile disappeared from his face for a second as he realized what she had said. After a second he smiled again even bigger than before.

"I think I can handle that." He laughed and pulled her in for another kiss.

They broke the game up shortly after that, all of them were drunk and thanks to the game the men had a long list of chores to be done the next day.

River took a quick shower and then slipped down into Mal's bunk, but was disappointed to find that her fiancé had passed out and was snoring loudly. Not feeling sleepy at all River climbed back out of the bunk and began to wander the halls of Serenity like she had done during her first days onboard.

Hearing noises from the galley she walked in to find Simon on the couch in the common room watching the videos of her at the Academy. He was at the very beginning; her entrance interview was still playing. Without saying anything she sat down next to her brother and grabbed his hand. Simon gave her a sad tight smile and put his arm around her shoulder.

Simon had to swallow past a lump in his throat and wipe a few stray tears from his eyes when he saw his sister in the video. This was the River he remembered from their childhoods, the one who he would never fully get back. After the first few interviews it began to show that things were being done to River. She went from confident and composed to scared and unfocused. Simon stopped the video after they had been watching for an hour.

"Maybe watching this after drinking was a bad idea." He joked trying to lighten the mood.

"You know Simon I'm ok. I mean if you're watching these to try and learn something from them, don't bother. I don't need you to fix me anymore. There isn't anything on those videos except the ramblings of a crazy girl and the sick doctor who watched it all happen." River told him.

"I'm not just watching to help you River. Its- well it sounds horrible to say, but part of me wants to watch them for me. I've been imagining what they did to you for so long part of me wants to know." Simon explained.

River nodded thoughtfully and laid her head on her brother's shoulder.

"I thought maybe I wanted to watch them, to try and remember, but I don't. Those memories are better left forgotten I think."

Simon gave River a smile of understanding as she stood up and kissed the top of his head before leaving. He though about going to bed and leaving the video for another time, but decided if he stopped now he'd never finish watching them.

Simon thought his anger and grief over what had been done to River couldn't get any stronger, but watching the videos brought his feelings to places he'd never imagined.

_I want to see my brother. I need to. I would like please to see him._

Simon felt like his heart was being ripped apart to see and hear River pleading for him. He had thought when she'd first gone to the Academy that she didn't need him anymore, that she'd forgotten about him. To see the desperate way she'd pleaded for him was almost more than he could stand. He watched the videos all night, just as Mal had done, by the end he was glad when River killed the doctor. He wished so much that he could turn back time and do the same to the bastard.

It was early morning by the time he finished. Since they didn't have a current job the crew was sleeping in and no one had gotten up yet. He stumbled, bleary eyed, to he and Kaylee's bunk and fell into bed beside her. She woke up when she felt him hit the bed and could tell from the look on his face that he was upset. He didn't cry, he'd done that while watching, but he pulled Kaylee into a tight embrace and held her like she was his lifeline.

"Bao-bei?" She asked with concern after a few minutes.

"I watched the videos, the ones of River at the Academy." Simon whispered into her hair.

"Oh, sweetie, were they horrible?" She asked.

"Worse than you can imagine."

Kaylee didn't try to get him to talk about what he'd seen on the videos, she simply held him and gave him her love and comfort. It was one of the things Simon loved most about Kaylee, the way she always knew what people needed. River might have been a reader of people's heads, but Kaylee was a reader of people's hearts. He wondered for the millionth time how he could have gotten so lucky to have found her and even luckier to have her love him.

"Kaylee will you marry me?" He blurted out suddenly, surprising himself.

Kaylee stared at him, speechless by the suddenness of his proposal.

"I didn't mean to do it that way, I'm sorry I wanted it to be perfect, but since I said it…" Simon climbed off the bed and got down on one knee pulling out the ring he'd been carrying in his pocket for over a month.

"I love you and I can't live the rest of my life without you. Please marry me Kaylee." Simon asked.

Kaylee's shocked expression broke into a huge smile as she nodded enthusiastically. She threw herself into his arms and they both fell over onto the floor kissing passionately.

"Is that a yes?" Simon asked once they'd stopped for air.

"Of course it is! Can I have my ring now?" Kaylee asked excitedly and stuck out her hand.

Simon slipped the ring onto her finger and was delighted to see that it fit perfectly.

"It's beautiful Simon! I love it!" Kaylee said, beaming at her ring.

She jumped up and ran from the room.

"Hey where are you going?" Simon called down the hall after her.

"I have to tell River and Nara!" She yelled back.

"But you're still in your nightgown!" Simon called, but got no response.

Kaylee excitedly ran to Inara's shuttle and banged on the door, knowing her friend wouldn't mind being woken up early for something like this.

Inara pulled open the door a minute later looking half asleep, but still as put together as she ever did.

"Mei-mei is everything alright?" Inara asked as Kaylee rushed past her into the room.

"Better than fine! Everything's so shiny! Simon just asked me to marry him." Kaylee yelled and proudly held out her hand to show off the ring.

Inara glanced quickly at the ring and gave Kaylee a small tight smile.

"Congratulations Kaylee, I'm very happy for the both of you." Inara said without any sort of emotion in her voice.

The beaming smile dropped away from Kaylee's face and she looked at her friend sadly.

"Thanks Nara, guess I'll go tell River the good news." Kaylee said and began to walk out the door.

It was the way Inara grimaced and narrowed her eyes at the mention of River's name that stopped Kaylee.

"You gotta let him go Inara." Kaylee said quietly. "I'm sorry yer hurt, but him and River they're real good together. Can't ya just be happy for em?"

Inara stared at her friend disbelievingly. Kaylee was the only crew member who'd been treating her normally since the Alliance had shown up, but now here she was lecturing her just like River had.

"Kaylee please don't. I don't need to hear this from you. I don't want Mal, I don't care that he's with River. I'm fine."

"Inara I know ya better than that. I can see the way ya look at 'im. But you and him wouldn't a worked and River and him do. I think ya gotta just move on and find someone else." Kaylee said gently.

"Why do you think Mal and I wouldn't have worked?" Inara asked.

"Well mostly cause a what you do." The mechanic answered honestly.

"So now you're calling me a whore too?" Inara spit coldly.

"Ah Nara I ain't sayin that. But you really think its fair ta ask a man ta share you? I know if Simon was with other women, even if they was just a job, well I couldn't stand that." Kaylee explained.

"He never even asked me if I would quit for him." Inara pointed out.

"Would ya have?" Kaylee asked curiously.

Inara was silent for a long time.

"I don't know, maybe." She finally answered.

"Maybe he knew that's what you'd say. I'm real sorry Inara, but don't ya think he's better off with River? She don't expect him ta be anything he's not and she don't gotta change for him."

"Better off with River? She's an inexperienced crazy girl. How could she possibly be better for him than me? Wuh de ma! Rivers brought nothing to this ship but pain and death!"

"That ain't true!" Kaylee objected.

"Yes it is! My god everyone always wants to protect poor little River. She's a freak, she doesn't need protecting! If it weren't for her Book and Wash would still be alive! I wish the Alliance had just taken her like they were supposed to after I called them! No I wish to hell the Reavers had just finished her off!" Inara's screams abruptly cut off when she realized she'd said too much.

Inara had never seen Kaylee angry before. She'd seen her hurt and maybe put out, but never truly angry until that moment. Her eyes narrowed into slits and her mouth was pressed into a thin line. She walked over to Inara slowly and without a word raised her hand and slapped Inara across the face. Inara's head jerked to the side with the force of the blow and the sharp sound echoed off the shuttle walls.

Inara brought a hand to her stinging cheek and felt tears fall down her cheeks.

"You did it on purpose. You called them purple bellies to try and get rid of River. You ain't the person I thought you was Inara." Kaylee said icily and walked away from the shuttle.

River was waiting in the galley when Kaylee walked in.

"Don't tell Mal. He doesn't know why Inara called the feds. He'll feel extremely guilty and blame himself." River said before Kaylee had even sat down.

Kaylee didn't even bother to be surprised that River knew about her fight with Inara.

"I won't tell him. I'm sorry she did that to ya." Kaylee replied.

"It's already been taken care of, I'm sorry you had to fight with her. But enough sadness, this is a happy day. Can I see the ring?" River asked with a bright smile.

Just as quickly as Kaylee's happiness had faded it returned. She squealed and happily held out her hand to River, giving her friend every detail of the sudden proposal.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Mal and Simon exchanged an amused glance at the excited shrieks coming from Kaylee and River. They had just stepped off of Serenity at the docks on Draco and the two women were giddy with excitement over the bright city spread out before them. Draco was a moon which consisted entirely of entertainment venues; the main city of Virgo was lit up like it was Christmas. All around them bright lights advertised casinos, restaurants, theaters, strip clubs, brothels, and countless other places to spend money at.

"Oh this place is so shiny! Look at all the stores! We definitely need to do some shopping for the weddings while we're here." Kaylee said excitedly to River.

River nodded enthusiastically and both women turned to link arms with their husbands to be. Kaylee's eyes darkened as they all watched Inara's shuttle take off and head towards whatever client she had scheduled on Draco. River put a hand comfortingly on her friend's shoulder and after only a second or two Kaylee was back to her usual cheery self.

Mal watched the exchange between Kaylee and River with suspicion. He knew something was going on between the two women and figured it had something to do with Inara, since he noticed Kaylee avoiding the Companion for days now. He put the thought out of his head knowing that neither of the women would talk about it unless they wanted to. Smiling he pulled River into his arms and led the crew in the direction of a casino. His hope was that River could earn enough straight away so they could all get rooms in a nice hotel. It had been a really bad few weeks for the crew and he figured they were all sorely in need of a vacation. Plus the idea of him and River taken a nice long private bath together was enough to make his legs nearly buckle.

The group split off to go their separate ways when they entered the casino and Mal led River over to a bank of poker tables. He watched her carefully knowing that she was still uncomfortable in large crowds since the rape.

"I'm fine ai-ren. As long as you stay close by me, I'm fine." River assured him.

"I ain't goin no where I promise." Mal guaranteed with a warm smile.

The crew had been confident in River's abilities and pooled all of their remaining funds together for River to use which Mal quickly transferred into chips.

"Honey what da ya say we try some poker?" Mal drawled loudly as he slung an arm clumsily over River's shoulder, falling easily into the part of a drunken husband on his honeymoon.

"But I don't know how to play poker honey." River complained immensely enjoying the little bit of role playing she and Mal were currently engaged in.

"Ah hell baby doll. Its simple, promise you'll pick it up in no time." Mal assured her as he pulled out a stool for her to sit down on.

They were dealt into the next hand and Mal spent the next fifteen minutes "teaching" River how to play the game. For her part River did an admirable job of pretending to be a clueless airhead with beginner's luck.

She smiled sweetly as she laid down her hand and the entire table groaned around her.

"Is getting all hearts good? It's probably not good, but they look pretty together like that." River asked innocently as the dealer pushed a large pile of chips to her.

"Yeah honey all hearts is real good, it's called a flush." Mal said sounding irritated that his wife was beating him.

"What do you say me and you go find somethin else to do?" Mal asked, making it look like he was trying to save the last of his dignity by shuffling the wife off before she could emasculate him further.

They walked out of the casino holding hands and grinning happily at each other.

"How'd we do bao-bei?" Mal asked.

"We're up five hundred platinum." She replied sounding extremely proud of herself.

"Five hundred platinum already? Sweet Buddha I think I just fell in love with you all over again. You up for playin at one more casino before dinner?" Mal asked as he led River to another gambling establishment.

"I think I can do that." She giggled.

Three hours later they stumbled from the casino, laughing loudly and fairly drunk on cocktails they'd received for free from the bar to congratulate River on her winnings.

"Can't believe we're up five thousand platinum already!" Mal slurred happily.

"Six thousand actually I realized that Roulette is very easy while you were at the bar." River giggled proudly.

"Have I mentioned that I really really love you?" Mal asked.

"Hmm not in the last ten minutes." River replied as they reached the bar where they had agreed to meet the crew.

The walked up to the bar to find Jayne and Zoe heatedly discussing guns; Mal was shocked that Jayne didn't appear to be sizing up any of the many whores standing around the bar. Kaylee and Simon were equally as involved with each other, they however weren't talking. Mal thought if Kaylee's tongue went any further down the doctor's throat she'd probably be able to check his tonsils, he also wondered when the doc had become so comfortable with public displays of affection.

Everyone turned hopeful expectant eyes on the couple when they walked up to the group.

"So did it go good?" Kaylee asked hopefully.

"What do you think would be good?" Mal asked enjoying drawing out the moment.

"Well seein as how we forked over two hundred platinum I'm hopin ya at least doubled it." Jayne answered.

"So you were hopin for at least four hundred?" Mal asked sounding disappointed.

"Ya didn't make that much?" Kaylee asked her face falling knowing they wouldn't be able to afford to stay in a hotel.

"Actually we made just a bit more than that, well I should say she made." Mal amended and pointed a finger at River.

"So quit stallin and just tell us already." Jayne grumbled.

"Six thousand four hundred and twenty three." River stated proudly.

Her announcement was met with four matching sets of wide eyes and open mouths.

"Six thousand platinum, in three hours?" Jayne gasped. "River ya wanna marry me stead a the Cap'n?" He joked.

River gave him a wide grin, "Fat chance." She giggled.

"Whattda ya'll say we go get us a big dinner a real food and then see about finding us a nice place ta stay for the night." Mal suggested.

They found a beautiful restaurant around the corner that was situated right next to a river. They ate outside on a stone patio where they could watch paddle boats covered in lights sail by.

"Ain't this romantic?" Kaylee sighed and leaned back against Simon's chest.

"It is that." Simon agreed.

It suddenly occurred to the Captain that perhaps it was unfair to force Jayne and Zoe to eat and converse all night with two recently engaged couples, especially in romantic settings. Surprisingly when he turned to check he again found Jayne and Zoe engaged in conversation and ignoring the two couples.

After paying the bill the group made their way to a small inn the waiter at the restaurant had recommended. It was away from the tourist areas of the city and while it was cheaper than anything they would have found there it was every bit as nice.

River smiled broadly as she surveyed the suite she and Mal had rented. It contained a large brass bed with soft sheets and a goose down comforter. There was a fireplace on the other end of the room and the bathroom contained a tub large enough for two. River couldn't contain the sigh of pleasure that escaped her lips when she thought about sinking down into that deep tub with Mal.

As if he were the reader Mal came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders and rested his head on the top of her head.

"That tub looks damn inviting don't ya think bao-bei." He asked and began kissing behind her ear.

Using all of her will-power River pulled away from Mal's embrace and turned the water on in the bathtub, making sure it was as hot as they could possibly stand it; the showers on Serenity were warm at best and never hot and River intended to make the most of this opportunity. Both of them moaned in pleasure as they sunk into the hot soapy water. Mal took his time shampooing River's long thick hair, he loved the small quivers of pleasure that the act brought to her. Afterward River moved behind Mal, wrapped her legs around his hips, and began massaging his shoulders and neck. Mal groaned and leaned back into her arms.

After only a few minutes of massage Mal pulled River around so that she was straddling him and began to kiss her deeply. She slid onto his length slowly and smiled as she heard his breath hitch in his throat, she loved knowing she could have that kind of effect on him. As she rode him River reveled in the total privacy that the room afforded them; they didn't have to worry about being interrupted or keeping their voices down. Mal dug his hands into her hair, needing something, anything, to hold onto as he lost control and felt like the entire world exploded around him; River's screams assured him that she was having the same reaction to their lovemaking.

They lay panting in the hot water, sweat streaming down both of them. Once they could breathe normally again they stepped from the tub and wrapped themselves in the soft robes that were in the bathroom. They spent the next two hours sitting in front of the fireplace and sipping champagne. River couldn't imagine a more perfect night and hoped that they could return here after they were married for a honeymoon. She fell asleep leaning against Mal and woke up only briefly as he carried her to the bed and tucked her in.

"Mmmm… love you ai-ren." She whispered still half asleep.

"Love you too, more than you can imagine." Mal replied and kissed her lightly before molding his long body around her much smaller one, loving how perfectly they fit together.

Mal and River spent the next two days frequenting casinos all over Virgo. Since there were over two hundred casinos to choose from they never stayed in one long enough for management to become suspicious of River's playing abilities.

The third night that they were at the hotel was a bad night for River. It was nearly three in the morning and she still couldn't sleep, she tossed and turned in the bed and occasionally brought her hands to her ears to block out noises only she could hear.

Mal woke up to find River close to tears and gritting her teeth in pain.

"River?" He asked immediately concerned. He scooted closer to her and reached a hand out to comfort her, but she flinched away from his touch.

"Too loud. Can't block them out." She murmured. Although her speech was short and punctuated it was fairly coherent and Mal could tell it had taken a lot out of her to simply explain that much to him.

"Its gonna be fine bao-bei it's just a bad night, I'm gonna go get Simon so he can give ya something to help ya sleep dong ma?" Mal explained as he quickly jumped from the bed and pulled his pants on.

He hurried to Simon and Kaylee's room and felt a moment's guilt when the noises on the other side of the door informed him that the pair weren't sleeping. But there was no way he was going to let his girl keep hurting so he banged loudly on the door to make sure he got their attention. From inside he heard whispered curses and after half a minute the door opened a crack revealing a very disheveled and cranky looking Kaylee.

"It's the middle a the gorram night Cap'n. We was kinda sleepin." She whispered harshly.

"You two sure make some funny ass noises when ya sleep then. I'm sorry ta interrupt but River's havin a bad night I need Simon ta come down and give her a smoother so she can get some shuteye." Mal explained.

Kaylee's face instantly softened into a look of concern and from behind her Mal could hear Simon grabbing his medical bag.

"Did anything happen to set her off?" Simon asked as he walked down the hall towards Mal's room.

"Not that I know of. She just mumbled somethin bout it bein too loud, I think maybe bein this close ta all the people stayin here is gettin to her." Mal explained.

They both hurried into the room to find River curled into the fetal position on the bed, her eyes squeezed tight shut and her jam clenched.

"Hey mei-mei. Mal says you're having a bad night. I'm going to give you a smoother so you can get some sleep alright?" Simon asked gently.

River nodded her head but didn't open her eyes or reply. Her breathing began to slow down and she visibly relaxed only a minute after Simon had given her the injection. She opened her eyes and gave the two concerned men a meek smile.

"I'm sorry." She whispered sounding embarrassed.

"Hey now bao-bei ain't nothin ta be sorry for. Ya can't help havin a bad night once in a while. 'Sides as much money as ya made the crew this week, you could probably get away with a whole hell of a lot 'fore anyone'd get angry at ya." Mal comforted as he ran a hand through her hair.

"Just get some sleep mei-mei and I'm sure you'll feel much better in the morning." Simon instructed and leaned over to kiss River on the forehead.

Her eyes began to droop a second later and she was fast asleep within another minute. Both men breathed a sigh of relief to see her resting calmly. Simon stood to leave and Mal walked him to the door.

"Sorry I interrupted you and Kaylee. I didn't want to, but…"

"It's fine Mal. She's my sister anytime she needs my help its fine for you to come and get me. Besides I'm a doctor believe me I've gotten used to getting interrupted at all hours." Simon assured Mal and gave him a quick smile.

"Not sure little Kaylees to keen on that." Mal pointed out.

"Hey if Serenity even makes a strange squeak she's off to the engine room before I can even get my pants on. I think we make a perfect couple." Simon argued lightly.

"Good point. Thanks again." Mal said and gave Simon's shoulder a squeeze.

Simon smiled and headed eagerly back towards his room to resume the activities he'd been pulled away from.

Mal turned to head back into his room when something at the other end of the hall caught his eye. A door about four doors down from his opened and through it Mal could make out Zoe. She was standing facing into the room and wearing only a t-shirt that barely covered her ass. Seeing his army buddy so scantily clad was enough to make Mal uncomfortable, but when he realized she was kissing someone standing in the room he damn near passed out. Zoe had her arms wrapped around a man's neck and was kissing him in a definitely not just friends sort of way. That was enough to nearly stop Mal's heart, but suddenly she stepped back and Mal caught a look at the man she'd been making out with.

There stood Jayne wearing only a pair of jeans, the two of them spoke for a moment and then laughed intimately at a joke Mal couldn't hear. Zoe placed a hand on Jayne's chest and pushed him a little, the move was so casual and comfortable that Mal could tell this wasn't the first time they'd been together in this sort of situation.

Mal backed into his room slowly his mind reeling with what he'd just seen. He lay down on the bed beside River but lay staring at the ceiling sleep seeming an impossibility now.

"Son of a bitch." He muttered as his anger at Jayne began to build. He felt the need to punch Jayne extremely hard but realized he didn't have one good reason why he'd be allowed to do it. The rule on ship board romances had gone out the window long ago and both Jayne and Zoe were adults who had the right to do what they pleased. Mal was for an instant mad that Zoe would betray Wash in that way, but it then occurred to him that it was going on two years since Miranda and Wash probably wouldn't have wanted Zoe to spend the rest of her life alone. But Jayne? He was sure his first mate had better sense than that, although really he'd never gotten her and Wash either. Mal's internal torment about the situation was enough to wake River up for a second from her drug induced slumber.

"You ok ai-ren?" She slurred groggily.

"Sorry didn't mean ta wake ya up." Mal apologized.

River tilted her head to the side and for just a second her glassy stare became clear.

"Oh you know about Zoe and Jayne then." She whispered and gave Mal a teasing smile.

"You knew? How longs this been goin on? How come ya didn't tell me?" Mal asked sounding put out.

"Not your business or mine, they'll tell when they're ready." She explained with a large yawn. "Although I suppose six months is a long time to keep a secret." She added and fell back asleep.

"Wuh de ma! Six months!" Mal yelped and then lay there seriously considering getting Simon to give him a smoother.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A/N- I know this chapter is complete and utter fluff, but the last few chapters have been pretty dark and I always thought that it would have been great to see the crew in Vegas. Plus I always wondered why they never used River's reader skills for gambling.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

It was nearly impossible for Mal to act natural at breakfast the next morning. Every few seconds his eyes slid to Zoe or Jayne. He had to admit they did an amazing job at pretending that nothing was going on between the two of them. If he hadn't seen it with his own eyes he would never had believed that the two of them were intimate.

"So what are ya'll plannin to do the last day here?" Kaylee asked.

"River and I are gonna hit one or two more casinos. You think this girl is good at poker you should see her play Roulette. She guess it every single time, I love my psychic girl." Mal exclaimed proudly.

"Its not psychic ai-ren. If you take into account the rotation speed of the wheel and factor in the approximate weight and dimensions of the ball and then of course add in the starting point its simple to accurately estimate where the ball will land." River explained and received blank looks from the table.

"Math." She amended and watched understanding brighten the crew's faces.

"Simon you wanna go with em? We hardly been out a the hotel the whole time we been here." Kaylee asked.

"I like staying in the hotel the whole time." Simon replied. "But I guess seeing some of the city might be fun too." He added when he saw the look on Kaylee's face.

"What about you two?" Kaylee asked glancing at Jayne and Zoe.

"I think I'm going to stay here, maybe take a bath and a nap in that big bed before we go back to the ship." Zoe replied.

"That sounds like a good idea think I'll stay here too." Jayne answered and for just a second gave Zoe an impish grin.

Mal nearly spit out his orange juice.

"Ok so we'll all meet for dinner and then go back ta the ship together." Mal instructed as everyone stood up from the table.

The two couples spent a few hours at casinos; playing for fun while River continued to increase their already very large winnings. On the way to one last casino Kaylee stopped on the sidewalk and her eyes lit up brightly.

"You boys go find something to do for an hour." She ordered and pulled River quickly into a bridal shop that they had passed.

Mal and Simon stood on the sidewalk staring at the spot that just seconds before had been occupied by their women.

"We just got ditched." Mal said simply.

"Yes, yes we did." Simon agreed.

"You wanna go find a bar?" Mal asked.

"Yep." Simon answered.

Kaylee and River stood in awe at the rows of beautiful wedding dresses before them.

"You think we should get dresses?" Kaylee asked excitedly.

"Well they are very expensive." River reasoned. "But I have spent the week making us ridiculous sums of money and we are both getting married, so I say yes we should buy dresses."

The girls spent the next two hours trying on dresses getting each other's opinions on each and every option. Finally they had both decided on dresses that they not only loved but were also reasonably priced.

"You think the boys are gonna like em?" Kaylee asked.

"Definitely." River confirmed.

They finished making arrangements to have the dresses delivered to the ship and then left the store to track down their men. River spoke with Mal over the comm unit she carried and they headed in the direction of the bar where the two men were drinking. Both women were talking excitedly, planning the weddings and trying to decide whether to have a double ceremony or separate weddings.

River was so distracted by the talk that she didn't sense the danger until it was too late. Suddenly a strong hand gripped her arm and yanked her forcefully into an alley, she heard Kaylee cry out in shock as she too was similarly pulled off the street. River tensed to defend herself, but before she could make a move something hard struck her across the back of the head and she was driven to her knees; she could feel hot blood running down her neck from the blow. River fought through the waves of dizziness and pain to try and remain conscious, but getting back up was an impossibility at that point. She could hear Kaylee beside her struggling and cursing against the two men that held her. River forced her eyes to focus long enough to count ten men circling her and Kaylee; one of them knelt down and quickly tied her wrists and ankles with plastic zip ties. He then picked her up roughly and carried her further into the alley as two other men drug Kaylee deeper into the alley as well. Doing the only thing she could think of River managed to reach her hands up to her pocket and push the transmit button on the comm. unit she carried. She prayed that Mal and Simon would hear their struggle and come for them.

"To marriage, may it be far easier than I've heard it is." Mal toasted and raised his glass to Simon's.

"Cheers to that." Simon laughed.

**Shut her the hell up! **

Mal glanced quickly down as his comm. unit crackled to life. He didn't hear any further talking but he heard the sounds of a scuffle and of someone being hit. His blood ran cold when he heard Kaylee's muffled scream. Both men were on their feet and instantly headed to the door. They hurried back towards the bridal store glancing in every direction for some sign of the women they loved. Mal had the comm. unit pressed to his ear listening for a clue to the location of the fight.

**Bitch think you can cheat us out of our money?**

Mal heard the angry shout of a man and then the sickening sound of fist on flesh. He knew that when he found the hun-dan hurting his girl, he was going to end that man and end him painfully.

"There!" Simon shouted and turned down a small alley. Mal glanced down the end of the alley but couldn't make anything out, but Simon seemed sure of himself. They ran down the alley using trash cans for cover as they moved. Once they'd traveled a block or so Mal could make out a group of people further down.

_Damn Simons got some damn good eyes!_ Mal thought.

The two men slowed down as they approached the group. They tried to remain out of sight as they crept closer and closer to the men. Finally they stopped ten feet away and crouched behind a dumpster. Mal drew both of his pistols and wordlessly handed one to Simon. He glanced out just long enough to determine where the girls were so that he knew where not to shoot, Simon quickly did the same. Mal's heart seemed to skip a beat when he saw River lying tied on the ground and bleeding. Kaylee thankfully appeared to be unharmed although she was being restrained by two men.

Standing Mal quickly fired off three shots and smiled when two of the men went down. Simon fired as well and took another man down. Even with the three men taken out of the picture Simon and Mal were still greatly outnumbered and the Captain knew that there was no way River was going to be able to join in this fight.

Now alerted to their present the group of thugs turned towards Mal and Simon.

"He's the one who was with the girl!" One of the men shouted and suddenly Mal felt fourteen angry eyes turn on him.

"Your little girlfriend here cheated us, we want out money back!" The man Mal took to be the leader of the group shouted.

It finally dawned on Mal that he recognized a few of the men as owners of some of the casinos they had been to.

"Seems ta me she played and won that money honestly." Mal argued knowing that the excuse sounded lame even to him.

"Ain't no one that good at cards!" The leader shouted.

"Or Roulette." Another added angrily.

"Beginner's luck is all." Mal protested.

"Bullshit! We want our gorram money back!" The leader shouted and pulled out a switch blade. He grabbed River by the hair and dragged her to her feet then pressed the blade to her throat. River moaned a little and tried to jerk away from the man holding her. Mal could see that she was bleeding heavily from the back of her head and her struggle was weak at best, she only succeeded in drawing a thin line of blood across her neck.

"Drop the guns or I kill the girl." The man ordered.

Mal and Simon exchanged a side long glance and both dropped the guns at the same time, neither of them willing to risk River's life. As soon as their guns clattered to the ground the group of men rushed Mal and Simon, four of them focusing on Mal and the remaining three on Simon.

Mal knew he was better than average at brawling, but still four men against him weren't odds that Mal was overly fond of. Mal managed to kick the first one who came at him in the knee and he went down to the ground. The next few minutes were a blur of punches and kicks, Mal receiving more than he gave out. As he was thrown to the ground once more he vaguely wondered how Simon was doing with the rest of the men. He glanced up in time to see a fist heading straight towards his face and then all he saw were stars and blackness.

"Mal can you hear me? Mal wake up." Mal groaned and tried to slap away the hand that was tapping his face. He cracked open one eye and saw Simon's concerned face above him and behind that a dumpster.

"How long I been out?" Mal asked.

"About five minutes. Think you can sit up?" Simon asked and put a hand behind Mal's shoulder to help him sit up and lean against the alley wall.

"Where's River? She ok?" Mal asked glancing around furiously.

"I'm alright ai-ren." He heard her say off to his right.

Like him River was leaning against the wall with Simon's handkerchief pressed to her head. Kaylee was sitting next to her and appeared to be unhurt.

"What the hell happened? Where are the hun-dans that started this? You take care of em River?" Mal asked when he saw that other than his crew the alley was empty.

Kaylee and River exchanged a grin and looked at Simon.

"Simon took care of em!" Kaylee squealed proudly and moved to hug her fiancé.

Mal stared wordlessly at Simon, the Captain knew Simon had no shortage of bravery but the doctor certainly wasn't a fighter. It didn't seem that Simon had won the fight easily, he was beaten to a bloody pulp. Mal wondered how he was still conscious with the beating Simon had taken.

"You took care a seven guys?" Mal asked disbelieving.

"Well I've made a useful discovery about these souped up genes the Alliance gave me. I might not be the best fighter in the world, but apparently it's extremely difficult to take me down. They kept hitting me and I kept getting back up. It gave me enough time to wear them down and get in some good punches. They ran off after I managed to grab one of the pistols again." Simon explained looking both proud and slightly embarrassed at the same time.

"Glad you were able ta stay conscious seein as how I couldn't manage it." Mal muttered, angry that he hadn't been able to help more in the brawl.

"Do you think you can walk? We need to get back to the ship, I have to suture River's head and I think you and I could both use some medical attention as well." Simon said and winced suddenly as if to emphasize his point.

"I can make it." Mal said confidently. His confidence faded a second later when he stood up and promptly fell into the wall.

"Ow. Ok give me a sec and I'll be fine." He assured Simon.

"Kaylee help Mal I'm going to carry River." Simon instructed.

Mal was amazed that Simon was on his own feet as it was, but even more amazed when he picked up River without any sign of weakness or dizziness. Kaylee gave Mal a smile and put his arm around her shoulder. Luckily they were only a block from the docks and they were able to keep to the allies nearly the entire time. Mal didn't want to explain to the feds why they were all dirty and three of them were beaten up and covered in blood.

Once they had returned to Serenity Mal used the comm to contact Jayne and Zoe, they decided to head back to the ship immediately before any other angry casino owners could track them down at the hotel. As soon as he finished speaking with Zoe Mal hurried to the infirmary to check on River.

"She gonna be ok Doc?" Mal asked.

"She'll be fine. She's got a fairly deep head wound and a concussion, but the cut was small and she should heal just fine from the concussion. We do need to make sure she stays awake for the next eight hours, sleeping after a concussion can be very dangerous." Simon informed Mal.

Mal glanced at River and could see that keeping her awake was going to be easier said than done. Her eyelids were already drooping and her head was bobbing more than the wobbly headed geisha dolls they delivered that one time.

"You should let me check you over now Captain." Simon told Mal and gestured for Mal to have a seat on the other exam table.

"So where does it hurt?" Simon asked as Mal climbed onto the table with a groan.

"Think it'd probably be easier for me to tell you where it doesn't hurt. It'd be a lot shorter." Mal replied only half joking.

Simon gave Mal an exasperated grin and began to clean up his various cuts and scrapes.

"I don't think there's any permanent damage, you're just really banged up." Simon told him after fifteen minutes.

"Don't make it hurt any less." Mal complained. "Hey bao-bei your brother said ya can't go to sleep." Mal said loudly as he saw River's head drop down onto her chest.

"Kaylee can you take River and walk around for a bit? That should wake her up some." Simon asked.

"Sure! Come on River lets go see if our delivery has gotten here yet." Kaylee said brightly as she hopped up from the couch outside the infirmary.

"Don't wanna walk around." River complained in a slurred voice.

"I know you're groggy from the pain medicine mei-mei, but you can't go to sleep until we know that you don't have any swelling in your brain. You just have to stay awake until bed tonight and then you can go to sleep." Simon promised and received a nasty look from River.

"Can't I just nap for a little while?" River whined.

"Sorry mei-mei." Simon sympathized.

"You don't wanna wake up and not remember nothin like I did do ya?" Mal asked.

River gave him the same dirty look she'd given Simon and stuck her tongue out at both of them men as Kaylee helped her from the room.

"You alright Doc? Ya seen ta everybody else and you look like ya tried to stop a shuttle with yer face."

"Thanks you're really making me feel better." Simon replied dryly.

"Just sayin ya took quiet a beating. Thank you by the way for takin care of them guys. That's pretty impressive." Mal complimented.

"If you had seen it you wouldn't think it was that impressive. They hit me a lot more than I hit any of them. It was just lucky that they threw me right over to where your pistol was laying. If I hadn't gotten my hands on it things would have turned out a lot differently."

"But ya did get the pistol and things turned out shiny so good job."

"Thanks." Simon replied grinning widely.

"Here let me help ya out." Mal offered as Simon eased his shirt off and Mal noticed a large cut on the doctor's back.

"Thanks again." Simon said and then hissed in pain as Mal cleaned out the wound.

They heard Zoe and Jayne return just as they finished patching Simon up.

"You two look like go-se." Jayne stated bluntly.

"Damn! Simon and me were plannin on enterin a beauty pageant tomorrow. Guess we'll have to figure out somethin else ta do huh Simon?" Mal joked as the four of them made their way to the galley.

Kaylee and River were working on making lunch for everyone, although River was basically leaning against a wall and shooting daggers at Simon once she saw him.

"Cap'n ya want I should get us airborne 'fore any more a them hun-dans show up?" Kaylee asked.

"Inara ain't due back for another three hours." Mal replied, surprised that Kaylee would have forgotten her friend.

"Oh yeah, well I think I'm just gonna go check on the engines so we're ready ta leave when she's back." Kaylee said looking uncomfortable.

"Don't ya wanna eat?" Mal asked.

"Not hungry." Kaylee replied without turning around as she headed down the hall.

"I should go check on her." Simon said worriedly. "Hey River wake up!" He shouted suddenly when he noticed River dozing in a chair at the table.

"You take care a yer sis doc. I'll check on Kaylee." Mal told him and headed off towards the engine room.

Kaylee was already under the engine when he walked in, only her boots were visible. Mal grabbed her ankles and pulled Kaylee out.

"What're ya doin?" Kaylee asked looking annoyed.

"Just wanted ta talk to ya mei-mei."

"Bout what?" Kaylee asked and began to tinker with some other part of the ship. She seemed determined to look at anything besides Mal.

"I just noticed ya seem a little down lately. You okay?"

"I'm fine Cap'n just a little shook up is all." Kaylee answered sounding far from fine.

"I don't mean just today, I been noticin for days that ya seemed off. Specially when someone mentions Inara."

Kaylee glanced at the captain guiltily then quickly looked away. Mal saw that tears were building in her eyes. She took a shuddering breath as the tears began to fall down her cheeks.

"Cap'n I think Nara called them casino men." Kaylee whimpered and fell against Mal's shoulder.

"What makes ya think that?" Mal asked thinking Kaylee had to be jumping to conclusions.

"Well no one else knows we're here. And how did all them men from different casinos get together ta come get her at once. Plus I thought you both said she was real sneaky when she cheated em. So how come that many of em caught on?" Kaylee questioned.

"Those're good questions mei-mei, but it don't mean Inara was behind it." Mal reasoned.

"They took River out." She said simply.

"Huh?"

"They hit her in the head straight away and tied her up real good. How'd they know how dangerous she is less someone told em? She don't look dangerous."

This made Mal stop and really consider what Kaylee was saying. She made a good point. When the Alliance had come to take her they hadn't been that nearly that prepared. So how did a bunch of small time casino owners take out his little assassin?

"You really think it was Inara?" Mal asked darkly.

Kaylee began to cry harder and nodded her head.

"Mal she turned River in on purpose." Kaylee whimpered.

"What?"

"She called River's ma cause she wanted Mrs. Tam to come take River. Me and Nara got in a fight last week and she told me. She- she was so mean. She said she wished that the Alliance had gotten River and she said that she wished the Reavers had killed her on Miranda."

The same blinding anger he'd felt the day the Alliance had come on board returned in full force.

"Why didn't you tell me before Kaylee?" Mal asked through gritted teeth. He was furious that she had kept something like this from him.

"Cause River made me promise not to. She said you'd only feel guilty bout lettin Nara stay. She told me she took care of it." Kaylee whispered.

Mal's anger at Kaylee faded when he saw the hurt in her eyes. He knew that she and Inara had been best friends and he understood how much all of this must be hurting her. Mal pulled Kaylee into a tight embrace and planted a kiss on top of her head.

"Thanks for telling me mei-mei. I know it can't a been easy." Mal comforted.

"I shoulda told you sooner. I just didn't want ta believe it. But after today I just figure it had to a been her."

"Don't worry anymore bout it mei-mei. I'll take care of it." Mal promised darkly.

"You want me to send Simon down." He asked as he stood to leave the room.

Kaylee wiped her face and nodded.

"Simon Kaylee needs ya down in the engine room." Mal said quickly and then left the galley.

He stalked through the halls of Serenity. His anger too great to let him rest or even deal with any of the crew at that moment. He couldn't even seem to put his thoughts into anything resembling coherent thought, it was just a constant angry buzz running through his mind. He didn't know what he would do to Inara if she was responsible for tipping off the casino owners. It was while he was pacing the cargo bay that Mal heard the gentle whine of Inara's shuttle docking with Serenity. He took a deep breath to try and calm the rage still coursing through him before he reached up and pounded on Inara's door.

TBC

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sorry it's been a bit since the last update. Stupid inventory at work, it sucks.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Inara looked shocked when she opened the door to find Mal standing in front of her. His face was a mess of scrapes and bruises.

"Oh Mal what happened?" She asked with concern.

"We got jumped by some a the casino owners, seems they figured out that River was cheatin em." Mal explained.

"Is everyone alright?" Inara asked.

"Simon looks bout like I do and River took one nasty knock to the head, but other than that everything's shiny."

Inara breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed.

"Good I'm glad everyone is safe." Inara said with a large smile.

"Just thought I should come by and make sure you didn't run inta any trouble on yer way back here." Mal said suddenly, explaining his presence.

"I'm fine. I stayed at a client's estate for the entire week. But thank you for your concern." Inara said softly.

Mal let out a deep breath and relaxed.

"I was real worried about you Nara. When them guys jumped us I thought maybe they'd find out bout you too and it scared me bad." Mal blurted out.

Inara looked at him with wide slightly confused eyes.

"Well I assure you I'm fine. Would you like to come in for some tea? You look like you need to sit down." Inara asked and stepped back so that Mal could enter the shuttle.

Mal slumped down on the couch and watched Inara closely as she moved around the shuttle gathering the ingredients to make tea. Once she had finished the tea she handed him a steaming cup and took a seat gracefully next to him.

"So other than the goons attacking you how was the week?" Inara asked, still slightly on edge by Mal's sudden attitude change towards her from the previous week.

"It was alright. River made a killing at the casinos. She made enough we'll be secure for at least six months even if we don't work any jobs. But…"

"But what Mal?" Inara asked seeing the torment on Mal's face.

"Guess I just realized somethin' this week. I was with River all week but I couldn't stop thinkin' about you. Every time I kissed her or touched her I couldn't stop myself from seein yer face." Mal confessed with a heavy sigh.

"Oh Mal." Inara said in a low throaty voice.

She reached out one slim hand and cupped his cheek and forced him to look her in the eye.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" She asked.

Mal swallowed involuntarily and nodded.

"I love you Nara." He whispered.

Inara smiled seductively and leaned in closer to Mal's face.

"I've been waiting for you to realize that. River was never right for you." Inara whispered.

"I know." He agreed sounding regretful. "I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it."

"Shhh. It doesn't matter anymore." She assured him and pressed a finger to his lips to silence him.

Mal grabbed a handful of hair at the nape of Inara's neck and pulled her to him crushing his lips to hers in a frenzied passionate kiss.

Inara's eyes popped open in surprise and then rolled up in her head as she lost consciousness. Mal caught her as she fell backwards and laid her gently on the couch.

He left her on the couch and returned to the galley.

Everyone looked at him expectantly when he entered. Kaylee and Simon had informed them of the situation while Mal was in the shuttle.

"Did the stuff I gave you work?" Simon asked.

"Yeah she's out." Mal replied with a nod.

"What stuff?" Zoe and Jayne asked at the same time.

Mal again had to suppress a grin, now that he was aware of the two of them it seemed so obvious that they were together.

"Simon gave me somethin like what Saffron used on me. Used it ta knock Inara out." Mal explained.

"When'd ya'll plan this?" Jayne asked confused.

"Right after Kaylee talked ta me. I pulled Simon inta the infirmary on his way down ta the engine room and he helped me out." Mal answered.

"Yeah but why are ya goin through all this? Why didn't ya just kick her off the ship?" Jayne asked sounding frustrated.

"Cause we don't know fer sure it was her and if it was we gotta figure out who else she talked to." Mal explained with a sigh.

"Can't ya just have crazy read Nara and tell ya?" Jayne continued to press.

"Because her head is throbbing and she isn't up for trying to read someone. Especially Inara who is very good at hiding her thoughts." River explained still irritated by her pounding head and Simon's refusal to allow her to sleep.

"Oh." Jayne replied seeming satisfied finally.

"Cap'n I found somethin' else while ya were in the shuttle." Kaylee said suddenly.

"What'd ya find?"

Kaylee held out her hand and Mal saw a small silver square resting on the palm of her hand.

"It's a tracker. I found it on one of River's boots. Someone was trackin River's movements the whole time we were on Draco." Kaylee explained sadly, knowing there was really only one person who'd had the opportunity and the motive to bug River in that way.

"Well best we go do what we gotta do and make sure fore we doin anything." Mal said sadly.

"You up for doin a little bit a genius type stuff for me bao-bei?" Mal asked as he pulled River against him and gave her a hug.

River nodded against his chest.

"Might as well since Simon won't let me rest." She replied.

The entire crew followed Mal and River into Inara's shuttle. Kaylee looked down at Inara's sleeping form with a dark scowl on her face.

River made her way to Inara's Cortex screen and sat down at the chair in front of it. She began pushing buttons so fast no one was able to keep up with her actions on the screen. After five minutes River turned around looking frustrated.

"Can't find a record of contact with any of the casino owners." She told Mal.

"You sure?"

"Yes if she did contact them she didn't do it from this screen." River confirmed.

"Just cause she didn't do it here don't mean she didn't do it." Kaylee pointed out.

"I know mei-mei." Mal said sounding frustrated and angry.

"Buyaolian de dongxi!" Jayne suddenly muttered and gave Inara's still form a disgusted look as he held a scrap of paper in his hand.

"What is it?" Mal asked.

"Saw this stickin out from under the couch, she musta dropped it." Jayne replied.

"Well what's it say?" Mal asked impatiently.

"You remember which casinos them guys was from?" Jayne asked.

"No don't recall. I know I met at least five of em while we was playin but I don't remember which one was which." Mal answered.

"The one who hit me was from the Golden Spike. The others were from the Cloverleaf, Tammy's Saloon, the Red Dawn Hotel and Casino, the Rainbow Room, Lucky Larry's House of Cards, and"

"Terrible Joe's?" Jayne asked.

River nodded her head as Jayne finished the list for her.

"Numbers for each one a them casinos plus the names of the owners. It's in Inara's hand writing." Jayne confirmed as he held up the list.

Mal let loose a stream of English and Mandarin curses so vile that Jayne nearly blushed. River stood and walked slowly to Mal, when she reached him she wrapped her arms around him. He quieted immediately and returned her embrace burying his face in her hair.

"It's fine ai-ren. We're all safe and now we know for certain that she can't be trusted. We know the truth." River soothed.

"You shoulda told me bao-bei. You shoulda told me why she called the Alliance." Mal whispered.

"I'm sorry. I was trying to keep you from being hurt. I thought I took care of it. I didn't think she would try to hurt me again. I won't keep things from you anymore." River promised.

"Sir what do you suggest we do?" Zoe asked bringing Mal back to the present situation.

"She's gettin off. Here's as good a place as any and then we hightail it as far from here as we can get so she don't know where we are." Mal decided, not even able to bring himself to say her name.

Inara groaned and struggled to open her eyes. Her head was pounding painfully and her back was cold and sore, it felt like she was lying on metal grating. She opened her eyes and found herself staring at the cargo bay ceiling. Inara's confused mind tried to piece together what she last remembered and figure out what she was doing laying in the cargo bay.

"Get out." She heard Mal say from above her.

"Huh?" She mumbled groggily.

"I said get out. I don't wanna see ya again, ever." Mal continued.

Ignoring the pain in her head Inara forced herself to stand up and look around. Mal stood in front of her with his arms crossed, the rest of the crew stood behind him all with similar expressions of anger and hurt on their faces.

"What's going on? How did I get down here and why are you kicking me off the ship?" Inara asked with confusion.

"I drugged you to knock you out and you know why I'm kicking you off of my ship." Mal sneered and threw a balled up piece of paper at Inara's feet.

Inara bent down and scooped up the piece of paper. Her face fell as she read what was written on the paper and realized that she'd been caught.

"Mal I can explain." She started.

"Explain? Explain how you tipped off the casino owners to what we were doing? Explain how you put a tracker on River so they could find her? Or maybe you wanna explain how you made sure to tell each and every one a them thugs just how dangerous River is so'd they know ta take her out fast? Go head Nara explain away I'm dyin ta hear how you can make this right." Mal shouted.

Inara's eyes filled with tears and her lower lip quivered.

"I did it for you Mal. I was trying to save you." Inara whimpered.

"Save me from what?" Mal spit.

"From her! She's poison Mal, she'll only hurt you! God why can't anyone see her the way I do? The only thing River has ever brought us is pain! Dobson, Jubal Early, Miranda, The Blue Hands, your amnesia; none of that would have happened if it wasn't for her!" Inara shouted and pointed a long manicured finger at River.

Mal stiffened and prepared himself for the violent reaction he expected to come from River, but it never came. River simply stared down at the ground and crossed her arms in front of her like she was cold.

"You're supposed to be with me Mal she's just confused you and I'm trying to put a stop to it!" Inara continued.

"Shut the ruttin hell up Inara!" Jayne shouted suddenly surprising everyone in the group.

"I ain't never been River's biggest fan, but she hasn't done anything as bad as what you did, or what I did once." Jayne said with a far off look in his eyes.

"River never once tried to hurt any a us on purpose. She even put her life on the line more than once ta protect the crew. You turned against your own crew on purpose, that makes ya a traitor and you ain't even sorry for it." Jayne continued his voice growing louder and louder.

"This ain't gettin' us anywhere. I want ya off my ship and I want ya off now. Once you're gone ya stayin gone. If ya come after us again or send anyone after us I'll track ya down and kill ya, that's a promise." Mal said coldly.

Inara's eyes widened in horror at the threat. She looked down to that her clothes and belongings were set on the ground around her hastily thrown into bags. Mal suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of cash. He threw it at Inara's feet just as he'd thrown the scrap of paper.

"There's the remainder a your rent fer this month and yer deposit back. I don't owe ya anything now, so go." Mal finished and turned away from the Companion, not even giving her one final glance.

Inara looked to Kaylee, who'd been her closest friend on the ship.

"Kaylee?" She asked hopefully.

"I just don't know how ya could do that Inara. After Miranda we been family and ya don't set out ta hurt family like that." Kaylee said and began to cry.

Simon pulled her into his arms and together they followed Mal from the room. Jayne and Zoe gave Inara one final glance, but said nothing as they walked away. Inara stood still in front of the open cargo bay doors with River in front of her.

River took a slow step towards Inara and reached out one hand. She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear in a surprisingly gentle gesture.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe I am poison, I seem to hurt the people I love without meaning to." The Reader said morosely.

Inara didn't respond but looked at River with less venom in her stare than River had seen in a long time.

"I'm sorry you were hurt in all of this, but I can't help that I love Mal anymore than I can help that he loves me. I know you care for him and all I can do is promise to take care of him. I will do everything in my power not to hurt him."

Inara stared speechless at River for nearly a minute. She suddenly sighed loudly and bent to pick up her bags, she walked from Serenity without ever looking back. Serenity was in the air less than ten minutes later and going at full burn in the Black within the hour.

Dinner that night was a solemn affair. Inara had been part of the family and every single crew member felt hurt and betrayed by her actions. River left the table quickly claiming that her head hurt too much to eat. Mal quickly took a few more bites and then followed River from the galley, worried that she'd go into their bunk and fall asleep.

He didn't find her in their bunk like he expected and his panic began to grow as he searched the ship without any sign of her.

"Doc you seen yer sis anywhere?" Mal asked poking his head into the infirmary knowing that he wouldn't find her in the room she despised so much.

"I thought she went to your bunk." Simon answered glancing up from the medicines he was taking inventory of.

"So did I but she ain't there and she ain't on the bridge, in the cargo bay, or anywhere else I've looked." Mal said.

Simon looked up at him suddenly concerned. It was never a good sign when River couldn't be found, it usually meant she was having an episode or something bad was soon to happen.

"I'll go get Kaylee and we'll help you look." Simon told him quickly.

"I'll go get Zoe and Jayne so they can help." Mal added.

"I wouldn't bother them Captain, they're in Jayne's bunk, together." Simon informed him with a smirk.

Mal did not just a double take at the doctor, it was more like a quadruple take. His mouth hung open and he couldn't seem to find the link between his ability to speak and his brain.

"You- you- you- know about them?" He finally stammered.

"Well since Zoe came to me to get on birth control four months ago and I walked in on them doing it on his weight bench, yeah I kinda figured it out." Simon snickered enjoying the look of shock on the Captain's face.

"Does Kaylee know too?" Mal asked as he and Simon began to walk the halls of Serenity looking for River.

"Yeah, she walked in on them doin it in the engine room. She was mainly just pissed that they did it in our room." Simon turned bright red when he realized he'd just informed the Captain that the engine room was he and Kaylee's sex spot.

"Ok well thanks for that Simon, lets say we stop talkin' and look for yer sister." Mal said, but couldn't help enjoying the embarrassed look on the Docs face.

Twenty minutes later Mal's panic had reached new heights when the three of them still hadn't managed to find River. Logically he realized she was still on the ship, being as how they were in outer space that was pretty much a given, but he still worried when she disappeared.

It suddenly dawned on Mal that there was one obvious place he hadn't bothered to look for River, simply because he figured she would never go there. Feeling guilty about not asking first Mal climbed the ladder down into Zoe's bunk and found River sitting on Zoe's bed. She had her knees pulled up to her chest and was holding one of Wash's garishly bright Hawaiian shirts.

"Hey my love what ya doing down here?" He asked quietly, not sure whether or not she was in the middle of an episode or not.

River looked up at him with sad but clear eyes and he knew that she was still all with him.

"Just remembering." She explained.

"Remembering Wash?" He asked and sat down on the bed next to her.

She nodded and hugged the shirt a little tighter.

"You think it's my fault?" She asked.

"What? You mean what happened to Wash?" Mal asked.

"Yes maybe Inara was right, I hurt everyone. Wash would be alive if it weren't for me. Zoe must hate me."

"Hey now, ain't no one on this boat who hates you or blames you for anything. Plus you saved us more often than you've put us in danger and not once has any a those things that Inara mentioned been yer fault. Come on now bao-bei we been through all this before and ya know how I feel bout ya. Don't let the words of a jealous jianhou make ya doubt yerself." Mal said sternly.

River gave him a large bright smile and pulled him towards her so that she could kiss him fully on the mouth. She dropped the shirt on the floor and moved so that she was straddling Mal's lap, kissing him hungrily the whole time. Her hand moved inside of his shirt and her nails scratched lightly at his chest muscles. When her hand moved lower and brushed lightly against his growing length Mal suddenly jumped remembering where they were.

"Bao-bei we gotta get outta here." Mal said and began to stand.

River stiffened and pushed Mal back down to the bed.

"Zoe and Jayne have a fondness for having sex in as many places as possible. They have done it in your bunk at least five times." River suddenly informed him with an evil grin on her face.

Mal grimaced and pulled away from River.

"Five times? In my bed? I swear to God I'm spacin Jayne right now." Mal said with disgust.

"Then you will have lost a very good mercenary and Zoe will also kill you." River pointed out.

"So what exactly do ya suggest I do bout this?" Mal asked.

River pulled off her dress quickly and lay back in the bed, completely naked.

"Pay back?" She asked sweetly and pulled him down on top of her with a giggle.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

So sorry for the delay in updating, but it's been a crazy week. But hey I got engaged!!! Just felt the need to share that with as many people as humanly possible 


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

"Hey what ya'll doin in there?" Mal called through the door of Inara's old shuttle. It had been five months since they had left Draco and Inara behind and as far as Mal knew no one had set foot in the shuttle since then. But the sounds of giggling had drawn him to the door of the shuttle one afternoon.

"Hello? River, Kaylee what ya'll doin in there?" He called again and began to open the door.

The shuttle door however was promptly slammed shut in his face before it'd even been opened an inch.

"Ow hey ya got me with the door!" Mal yelled sticking his throbbing finger in his mouth.

"Sorry ai-ren but you can't come in here, go away." River said lovingly.

"What are ya'll doin in there?" Mal asked with his finger still in his mouth.

"Wedding things. Now go away and don't let Simon come in either." Kaylee called sternly.

Mal sighed and headed towards the infirmary.

"Ya know yer fiancé is just as crazy as yer sister is." Mal grumbled and hopped up on the exam table.

"What happened?" Simon asked.

"They're in Inara's shuttle doin 'weddin things' and they slammed the door on me when I tried ta go in. Look at my finger they slammed it in the gorram door!" Mal whined.

"Ya tried ta go in the shuttle? While they's was doin weddin stuff. Damn Cap'n I thought you were smarter than that." Jayne laughed as he walked by the infirmary having overheard the conversation.

"Well how was I supposed ta know they was doin weddin stuff in there?" Mal complained again.

"Alright let me see your finger." Simon said interrupting the rant that he knew was about to come from Mal.

"Well I think you'll live its not broken, maybe go up to the galley and get some ice to put on it." Simon instructed after examining Mal's smashed finger.

"It's been five months how long does it take ta plan a weddin?" Mal asked irritably.

"As long as it needs to until they think it's perfect." Simon said with a shrug. He'd given up the notion of having influence in the wedding months ago. He figured it would be easier to let Kaylee plan it and he'd just show up for the big day. If she wanted his opinion about things she came to him and Simon figured she'd plan it better than he ever could anyway.

Mal didn't reply but grumbled as he walked to the galley to get ice for his finger.

"I'm sorry I smashed your finger ai-ren." River said later that night as she and Mal climbed into bed together. She reached over and placed a gentle kiss on his bruised appendage.

"It's ok. Guess I shoulda known better than ta barge in without knocking." Mal answered and pulled River tightly against him so that he could rest his chin on the top of her head.

"What do you think of Vega?" River asked suddenly.

"Only been once. Nice moon, real pretty. Why?" Mal asked and then yawned loudly.

"That's where I want the wedding to be. In a month." River added.

Mal sat up and looked at River in shock.

"A month but ain't that kinda soon?" He asked.

"But just today you were complaining that we've been planning the weddings for too long." River replied sounding confused.

"Well you weren't supposed ta read that, I was just tellin Simon that it seems like you been plannin this for awhile. I just wasn't expectin it ta happen so soon." Mal explained.

"It will be autumn in a month on Vega. I always wanted to get married in the fall. But if it is too soon then we don't have to do it in a month." River said softly.

"Hell no. You wanna get married in the fall then that's what we're gonna do. Plus once we're married all the wedding planning goes away and I won't get anymore doors slammed in my face." Mal replied and tickled River's side making her giggle.

"Then no more jobs until after the wedding." River ordered.

"Why not?"

"Because we are getting married in one month and if you go on a job there is a high probability that you will get shot, stabbed, or otherwise injured. So until after the wedding I think we should forego any jobs. We still have plenty of funds from the Draco trip and the pigs we transported two months ago."

"Hey we agreed to never ever again talk about the pigs remember?" Mal said suddenly.

"Mal just because you got beaten up by a pig does not make you any less of a man."

"I did not get beaten up by a pig! I was distracted and the gorram thing bit my leg and knocked me down, end of story." Mal defended.

"Alright ai-ren you did not get beaten up by a pig." River placated patting Mal's chest and giving him a teasing smile.

"Woman you are gonna be the death a me." Mal sighed and leaned over to kiss her lightly.

Mal couldn't believe that a month could pass so quickly. But before he could believe it he was standing in a small room in a wedding chapel straightening his tie. Simon stood next to him nervously doing the same thing.

The girls had decided to have a double wedding ceremony; mainly because they figured that since both couples were getting married they could save money by having one ceremony for both.

Jayne sat in a chair watching the two grooms nervously pace the small room.

"Ya'll are makin me dizzy walkin around like that, maybe ya could sit down for a bit." Jayne said gruffly.

Mal and Simon both stopped and stared at Jayne, neither of them realizing they had been pacing. Both the men sat down heavily in chairs next to Jayne, it was silent in the room except for the constant tapping of Mal's foot against the floor as he nervously bounced his leg. The sound seemed to pound into Jayne's brain like a jack hammer.

"Alright somebody's gotta talk or something cause ya both are driven me feng-le." Jayne remarked when he couldn't stand the tapping any longer.

"Well why don't you talk about something?" Simon asked.

"Like what?" Jayne replied.

"How bout you tell us how long you and Zoe are plannin' ta hide the fact that you two been sexin each other up?" Mal blurted.

"What? We ain't- Me and Zoe?" Jayne stuttered.

"Please I saw ya'll makin out six months ago on Draco. Plus Simon and Kaylee have both seen ya doin it in the engine room." Mal said and started laughing. He was so happy he'd brought this up. It was a great distraction from his wedding jitters.

"Look Zo don't want no one ta know." Jayne finally conceded.

"Haven't ya'll been goin at it for over a year now?" Mal asked.

"Yeah bout fourteen months." Jayne admitted.

"That's a long time. Didn't think you'd be a man who'd stay with one woman for that long. Or is she lettin ya see whores on the side?" Mal asked.

"Hey it ain't like that. Me and Zo. She's my friend ya know?" Jayne said lamely trying to describe the extremely complicated relationship he had with Mal's first mate.

"Jayne kinda seems like you have feelings for Zoe, I mean real ones not just ones concernin sex." Mal observed and Simon nodded in agreement.

"Hell wouldn't matter even if I do. She don't want me, not really, she just needs someone ta keep from bein lonely s'all." Jayne explained, he was trying to sound casual but Mal could tell that he was actually bothered by the conversation.

"Have you asked her if she wants more or if she's simply using you for a sexual relationship?" Simon asked.

"Nah. Me and her don't really talk, least not about stuff like that. Look can we just drop the whole me and Zoe thing? You all are the ones gettin married shouldn't we be talkin bout you?" Jayne asked.

Zoe sat in the bridal suite and watched as River and Kaylee finished getting ready. She couldn't help but feel a little sad when she remembered her and Wash's wedding day. They hadn't had a large ceremony, they'd simply had a justice of the peace marry them on a small moon right after a drop. She hadn't even worn a wedding dress. Looking at River and Kaylee dressed so beautifully made her wish she had. She felt uncomfortable when her thoughts suddenly turned to Jayne.

"So are you both ready for this?" Zoe asked trying to pull her mind away from Jayne and all of the confusion that surrounded their relationship.

"Almost, just gotta get my veil." Kaylee replied and headed to the other room to retrieve the veil.

"He is confused about you as well." River said suddenly looking at Zoe in the mirror.

"You reading me River?" Zoe asked slightly annoyed.

"Your thoughts about Jayne are very loud, impossible for me not to overhear them." River answered. "He wants more from you, but he believes you're just using him for sexual favors."

"After a year? Maybe after first it was just about sex, but he can't think that's all I want him for now." Zoe replied disbelieving.

"Jayne has never felt these things before, he's scared and confused. He believes there is no room in your heart for anyone but Wash."

Zoe was silent after this, completely blown away by the things River was telling her. She had just assumed Jayne was happy to have a steady screw and someone to talk weapons with, she had never imagined he could have real feelings for her.

Kaylee slipped back into the room then, her veil sitting prettily atop her head. There was a sudden knock on the door and the shepherd's wife informed them that it was time for the ceremony to begin. Zoe gave each woman a smile and hug before heading out to the chapel to sit with Jayne, they would be the only witnesses at the ceremony. Kaylee's family had been unable to afford the trip, but were going to throw the newlyweds a large party and belated honeymoon once Serenity was able to get to their moon.

Zoe took her seat next to Jayne and slipped her hand into his. Jayne gave her a surprised look but squeezed her hand and smiled warmly.

Mal's heart seemed to stop for a second when the wedding march began to play and River appeared at the end of the aisle. Her dress was a simple flowing gown of sheer white material. It clung to every curve she had and emphasized her delicate dancer's figure.

He pulled his eyes away from River only long enough to glance over at Kaylee. His heart seemed to stop in an entirely different fashion when he looked at the girl who was the closest thing to a little sister he'd ever had. His mei-mei looked every bit as beautiful as River did, in her own unique way. Her dress was full and frilly, although nowhere near as frilly as the one she'd worn to the ball he'd taken her to. Both women wore matching smiles of happiness and nerves and Mal imagined that he and Simon had similar expressions on their faces as well.

The main part of the ceremony was almost completely a blur to Mal, he couldn't seem to concentrate on anything besides how beautiful River looked. He was aware enough to answer, "I do," when asked and to kiss the bride at the end.

After the ceremony they had a small party in a field behind the church. The place was located on the foothills of a mountain and Mal realized that River had made a perfect selection for the location of their wedding. Being autumn all of the trees growing up the mountain were colored in shades of red and gold, yet it was still early enough that there were wild flowers growing in the field around them.

The crew celebrated well into the evening; dancing, eating, and laughing. It was while the sun was going down that Mal realized he hadn't seen River in nearly twenty minutes. He glanced around quickly, feeling the familiar twinge of panic he always felt when he couldn't locate her. The panic quickly subsided when he spied her standing about a hundred yards away at the beginning of the tree line, her back to the party.

Mal approached her and wrapped his arms around her from behind. He breathed in the clean scent of her hair and thought for what felt like the millionth time how lucky he was to have her.

River sighed and leaned back into Mal.

"Whatcha doin way out here by yerself love? The parties back that a way." Mal asked.

River didn't answer right away she continued to stare off into the trees in front of her.

"You alright bao-bei?" He asked when she didn't answer.

"Just trying to work up the nerve." She whispered.

"Nerve ta do what?"

"To go in there." River answered and nodded her head towards the woods in front of them. "It seems so silly to be afraid of a place. It wasn't the forest's fault."

Mal was surprised that River would bring this up today. She hadn't even mentioned the rape for months and had only had two or three nightmares in the last half a year.

"I think you have a pretty damn good reason for feeling dodgy about forests, brings up a load a painful memories I'm sure." Mal sympathized.

"Makes me afraid every time I look at the trees." She whispered.

"Well then let's go back to the party and stop lookin at the trees." Mal suggested.

"Don't want to be afraid anymore. I don't want it to control me. Will you go with me?" She asked with only a slight tremble in her voice.

"Darlin I'm yers forever now. I'll go anywhere with ya." Mal assured her and pulled her around to kiss her deeply.

He pulled away from the kiss a minute later and held out his hand. River gave him a brave smile and clasped his hand. Together the two of them turned and ducked under the branches of the trees and began their walk through the forest.

Mal remembered back to what seemed like a million years ago when River and Simon had first come on board. Inara had told Simon that they were all lost in the woods, but that Mal was the only one who liked it like that. He knew now that Inara had been wrong, he hadn't enjoyed being lost in the woods at all, he had just never thought that anyone would be there to help him find his way. Glancing sideways at River in the golden light of sunset Mal realized that is what she'd done for him, she'd shown him his way out of the forest.

End

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

So that's it for this story, it became much much longer than I originally planned. I hope ya'll enjoyed it and thank you so much to everyone who reviewed. I'm planning on writing a sequel to this and yes I believe Inara will make a come back. It may be a bit though, I need a break after this one.

Also thanks to everyone who congratulated me on the engagement!


End file.
